for all your Avon needs...

I have joined a different dating site at the recommendation of a friend and so far I like it a lot better than E-Harmony.  Friday I briefly chatting online with someone through the site when I had to leave.  He asked me to call him, and I figured, why not?

I blocked my number, and gave him a call.  After 1-2 minutes of random chit chat, he says "So do you like Avon?"

I was like, "Huh?"

"Avon, you know-- the beauty products?"

"Oh... well, I guess so."

"Because I'm an Avon consultant as a second job.  So if you ever need any Avon let me know.  I guess you'll have to call me, since you blocked your number, and I can't call you."

I quickly made up an excuse to get off the phone.  As we were saying good-bye, he said "Don't forget to call me if you need any Avon!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

oh just me, oversharing on the internet again...

Okay so Friday was date number five with Perfect on Paper.  I've really been trying to be open minded and keep on even though I don't really feel much of a click or spark, because, really, he's perfect (on paper).  Sure, a little sappy, dorky and awkward, but obviously harmless and well meaning. I felt like rejecting him based on a less than stellar first impression was being too picky and all of my friends seemed to agree and were even rooting for him.  We'd gone out on four dates-- the first three I was kind of like "meh" but then the fourth date we had a lot of fun and I thought I might be warming up to him a bit more. So I agreed to a fifth date.  It was supposed to be bowling, but at the last second he suggested that I come over to his house and he made me dinner and then we watched a movie.  It had been a long stressful week, so that option sounded more appealing than a noisy bowling alley and I agreed.

I'm not going to give a whole recap of the date, but I'll give you some random details.  This is what I am good for as the token single girl in nearly all of my social circles.  Married people love to hear how hard and ridiculous it is to be dating in your thirties.  So here goes-- my pain is your amusement:

• His house was really nice.  He had described it as a townhome, but it was really more like a condo.  He allowed me to full on snoop through the whole place while he was cooking dinner.  The whole place was builders white-- not a drop of paint on the walls.  He had nice furniture, and lots of random knick knacks and pictures from his travels around the world.  His powder room had adult wipes sitting on top of the toilet, which is something I would have put away if I was expecting company.  He had a study that was filled with fitness equipment and a huge shelf with hundreds of cds.  I thought that was a testament to what generation he is from (he's 38).  Other than Counting Crows cds, I can't remember the last time I bought a physical cd and put it on a shelf.  The whole place was very clean and tidy and nicely decorated, considering it is a bachelor pad.
• On a plus side, he got me flowers. 
• He kissed me, or attempted to kiss me, roughly 28937423 times.  Not like, make-out let's-get-it-on kissing, but like kisses on the forehead, or the cheek or the top of my head.  Unremittingly.  Like, five fast kisses in a row the way a grandma might kiss her six month old grandchild if she hadn't seen him in a while.  Taking my coat required a kiss on the cheek.  Laughing about how we have almost matching Columbia coats required a kiss on the forehead.  Handing me a fork at dinner required multiple cheek kisses.  I'm not a touchy feely person in general, so that got old fast.  Really fast. (Although I do feel like I should explain that despite all of that he didn't cross the line into getting handsy or inappropriate... just odd and discomforting).
• Referred to me as "madam" repeatedly which made me feel like I was 100 years old.  Also referred to me as "sweetie" repeatedly which made me feel like I was 4 years old.
• Dinner was really nice and actually delicious.  I was impressed-- salad, salmon with some kind of really wonderful gingery marinade, and couscous.
• Dinner conversation was what I now understand to be the usual-- lots and lots and lots of talk about his work.  I understand that discussing your job is always the path of least resistance and an easy default to keep conversation going, but now that it's our fifth date and I'm hearing the same auto insurance stories over and over... it's just dull and tiresome. 
•During the movie he put his arm around me, which was acceptable. Then he started sniffing my head and hair.  I got the impression that he thought this would be a charming thing to do but finally I had to be like "Are you sniffing me?! Can you please stop?!"
• After the movie was over,  he said he had a confession and told me that when we had first made plans to go bowling he went one afternoon and did a practice run to make sure his skills were up to par.  I thought was straddling the border of sort of sweet, sort of bizarro. 
• But THEN he said he had a second confession-- that our last date when I leaned to get out of his car that my pants had slipped down and some of my butt had ended up hanging out of top of my pants...  I was so creeped out and told him so.  WHO SAYS THAT?!  Like really.  I mean, it happened and you noticed, but why are you telling me now?   That was when I figured I needed to wrap things up and get outta there.
• The good night kissing was the absolute nail in the coffin.  I was trying to make the best of a bad situation, but there was no salvaging anything in that department.  His glasses stabbed me in the eye, and at one point his entire mouth was wrapped around mine-- like both of my lips were inside his mouth.  Then he pulled away and said "Someone's breathing is getting a little fast".  I think in his head he thought that might come out seductive and mysterious, but at that point it was just comical.  If my breathing was fast, it was because I was gasping for air as he attempted to perform CPR on me.

Okay, that turned out a little meaner than I meant for it to be...  but.. it is what it is.

Saturday after many, many texts recapping his favorite parts of the evening and trying to get me to commit to hang out again Saturday and/or Sunday, I had to tell him that his intensity was terrifying and that I needed some space.  His response was that he never meant to make me feel uncomfortable and that he would respect my wishes.  I'm inclined to ignore him and hope he goes away, but I have been advised that I need to man up and make sure he's clear that I am 100% uninterested.

So I guess this is the first time that I am officially breaking it off because he has no game.  At all.  I don't know how to explain it, but I guess it's much more intriguing to hold a little back.   My friend The TrueDeeva got to hear all about him when we met up on Saturday.  She thinks he lacks swagger.  You want a guy that interested enough, but still holding back some to keep you interested.  Clearly-- not Perfect on Paper.  Anyways, after we had a few laughs about my date we had a nice conversation about internet dating, dating with kids, dealing with the fathers of our kids and all of the drama they bring.  As usual, I left wishing we got together more.  She's sharp, and witty and confident and in the past year or so she's turned into an internet dating maven (quote of the evening: "I'm all about being open minded!" she declared.  "I'm dating short guys, fat guys... even white guys!").  She sort of re-energized me to get back out there and stay positive and keep having fun.

Anyways, feel free to comment.  Happy Monday.

quick Christmas update

Our Christmas was lovely. It started out like this: and ended up like this:

Isaac got lots of great presents. This racecar track was a big hit with kids of all ages.

We had lots of fun with the dogs this year too. Especially Tom's puppy Giselle.

Better size comparision:

I look like a creeper in pictures I am in by myself, but I love that this puppy likes to be held like a baby.

Isaac's dad and grandfather drove out to join us for a few hours. We haven't taken a picture of the three of us in several years.

So... which side of the family do you think Isaac resembles?

Isaac with his two grandfathers:

Hope your day was Merry and Bright!

gpoy

via

tick, tick, tick

This morning I was at a Relief Society thing taking in a few classes in an effort to become more domestic. The cupcake decorating class was very unstructured, just people frosting cupcakes and chitchatting. Which of course, at church tends to make me feel like this:

source

But anyways, there is a new young pregnant girl who just moved into my ward. Her husband is here for (...wait for it...) dental school. Someone asked her if she has found a good Ob-Gyn yet and she mentioned that she is going to the practice where I went when I was pregnant with Isaac.

For some reason (I'm blaming PMS), just hearing her say that really hit a chord with me and I found myself welling up with tears. I think it was one part wistful nostaglia and one part brazen envy. I wonder if I will ever get a chance to excitedly tell someone that I am seeing Dr. Segal and my baby is due in a few weeks.

I turn 30 in a few weeks and it just feels like time is passing by at a breakneck speed. I'm worried that I will never have that opportunity, or if I do that my ovaries will be totally stalled out.

Blah..

So...

Do you ever find yourself about to start a conversation with someone and then you remember that the thing you were going to discuss with them wasn't something you know because they told you, but, rather, something you learned from stalking them on various social networks? So then you can't talk to them about it, or you will out yourself as a stalker?

No?

Just me?

Ok....

when upon life's billows you are tempest tossed...

WARNING: Rant blog ahead, heavy with LDS terminology. (This could be the one that gets me axed from the VFRS blogroll.) My non-LDS friends will probably want to just move along to the next entry in your reader...

Look, I know I've been railing on about this forever. Especially if we are facebook friends I'm sure it must feel like I'm beating a dead horse by typing blog entry 2119807282 of why I dislike my ward.

But....

Too bad.

I've got more to say.

I've found myself in the position lately of dreading the third hour of church. I've always loved RS, had callings in RS and in general felt uplifted and inspired after discussions there. But lately, I've been feeling a little excluded by the lesson topics and discussion. Like, it's been so bad I am considering volunteering for a stint in nursery. I am not exaggerating, last week we heard about the sacred covenant of marriage , the lesson before that (that I have attended, I've been on vacation) was about getting along better with your spouse. I know that the lessons are more or less prescribed to us in the manual and that they are important and inspired yadda yadda but MAN am I tired of the marriage and family theme. Can't we throw in a service lesson once in a while? Missionary work? Something? Anyways just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, enter today's lesson: chastity.

For obvious reasons, not my most favorite discussion topic. I considered leaving right after the opening hymn.

I probably should have.

But I decided to stay.

It started off on an interesting path, actually. The teacher was saying how we as a church needed to look at the way we taught this concept to our youth, because they are being told their whole lives that sex is bad and dirty and not to be talked about and then when they get married and all of sudden it's a-ok and I guess people are developing complexes when they try to be intimate with their spouse. The psychology major in me found this intriguing but we didn't discuss this for too long.

Then we moved onto the meat and potatoes of the lesson: Adam and Eve (Replenish the earth!!!!!), homosexuality (We sure love those gays, bless their hearts, but what they do is gross!!!), some quotes from the Strength of Youth pamphlet (Passionate kissing = bad!!!!! Getting naked with someone = worse!!!!!) and then we began to discuss the seriousness of breaking the law of chastity. That's when the discussion started to cross the line from uncomfortable and awkward into hurtful, inaccurate and just wrong. I'm not going to recap every unkind thing that was said, but my feelings were intensely hurt by judgmental comments that were made.

After having my moral worthiness be compared to someone who has committed murder, I had enough. I stood up, swung my church bag over my shoulder, turned to the girl next to me and said something to the effect of "Can you let me out? I've had about as much as I can take of this lesson" and I stormed out of the room.

Fortunately, a few people had the good sense to recognize how abrasive some of the commentary must have been to me and chased after me. I ended up in the parking lot having a really good discussion and cry with one of the sisters I actually feel like I can relate to. During our talk a member of the RS presidency came and apologized for what was said and actually encouraged me not to come back because the commentary had gotten even worse.

So, not my best day at church. Want to know the best part of all of this? Guess who is substitute teaching Relief Society in two weeks? Yours truly. Should be nice and awkward.

Anyways, believe it or not, I'm pretty much over the comments that were made. I had a good cry this afternoon and made an appointment with my Bishop to let him know how I feel about everything but I'm not going to dwell on it any longer. I wish people in my ward would be more open-minded and a little kinder, but I'm not going to lose sleep over it. What other people think of me is none of my business.

But what really leaves a bad taste in my mouth is that we can't be real in church. Why do we have to sit there and perpetuate this impossible standard that like 90% of people sitting in that room are struggling to meet? Why can't we just be truthful? Your average RS congregation isn't filled with people with perfect lives and perfect hair and perfect marriages with perfect children. Your congregation is filled with women in unhappy marriages, people with wayward children, or women who grew up in abusive homes, people who had unexpected crisis pregnancies and people who weren't virgins on their wedding days. Why can't we just cut all the crap and have honest discussions about how these are things people legitimately struggle with every single day? Maybe, we could even come up with ways to support each other instead of putting blinders on and just insisting that everyone besides you is leading happy little LDS lives. I can't be the only one feels terrible that they don't measure up.

I don't know. Thoughts?

you make me wanna staple bacon to my face, then remove it with a pitchfork

I decided this summer that I wasn't going to turn down any invitations and it's led to some interesting opportunities (I went rock climbing, scored some tix to the DMB Caravan). So when my dad approached me about joining him for a Weird Al concert in Lancaster, I figured, why not? I'm by no means an avid fan, but I had a few of his albums when I was a kid and of course I recognized a lot of the music he parodies. He was definitely entertaining and put on an energetic show. Now I can say that I have seen Weird Al sing "Amish Paradise" in Lancaster County (which feels like a bucket list item for an uber-nerd). He did all of his big hits: Fat, White and Nerdy, Perform this Way, that endless Star Wars song to the tune of American Pie. It was actually a pretty intense show with back up dancers and tons of costume changes. He was definitely funny and is a talented accordian player. I'm not sure I would ever catch him again, but it was definitely an experience; thanks for inviting me Dad!

a few randoms

• We have had such a hot few days and it has been unbearable at work. Our school is very old and is not air conditioned. The temperatures in our classrooms have been in the upper 90s for the past two days. At least I can wear a light cotton sundress. I feel bad for the men in my school who have to wear pants and polos. Ick.
• It's not fair to be so hot before I have even had a chance to get over my allergies. I have been a snotty, sneezing, itchy, drowsy, wheezing, asthmatic mess for the past week or so. And I look scary to boot.
• I'm currently reading The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. I tried to read it once before and couldn't get into it, but the second time around I like it a little better. It is just a compilation of letters from the various characters and it took a while to get used to that format and keep all of the characters straight in my head. I would say I'm about 2/3 of the way through it and enjoying it.
• I can now say I've made an official (if half hearted) attempt to get a summer job. I filled out a few applications, but nothing looks to promising, aside from writing IEPs which isn't very many hours. I really need the money though, so I should probably hustle a little harder. I did get Isaac enrolled in swim lessons and a few sports camps which gets me a few checks in the "good mommy" column. Lately, I've felt like the mommy that other better moms point and laugh at.
• My sister and brother in law are on their way to Alaska for the next year or so. I need to figure out a way to afford to visit them before they move.
• I ended up meeting up with the TrueDeeva herself over the weekend. It has (sadly) been a few years since we have hung out. I had a babysitter and my plans ended up never materializing so I texted her on a whim. It was fun and I will be heading out to her place for a BBQ in a few weeks.
• I got an e-mail from another e-harmony guy, who seems like a real winner. In response to my question "describe the worst date you've ever been on" he related a story about how the girl's face looked skinny in the picture she sent, but when he met her, her body was fat. Then, one of his open ended questions he sent me was "What is your opinion on society today?".... Say what?? I responded that I wasn't sure how to answer such a broad question and his response was "Well, that's why I asked you, because you're a broad."......... So in short I've met another arrogant jerk, this one who seems to have the political views of the Unabomber. Thanks, e-harmony.

Anyways, that's all I have for right now. I'll try to post some Memorial Day pictures as soon as I can gank them from my mom and dad's camera. Have a great week!

Seeing students at the pool...

Last night Isaac asked if we could go swimming. He has a free membership to our local YMCA because I use the Y for childcare. Sadly, we rarely take advantage of it. We had nothing else going on, so we hopped in the car and went on over. The YMCA is only a few blocks away from the school where I teach. Sure enough, I had barely got into the pool when a girl came swimming over to me.

"Hey! I know you! You teach at my school"

"Yep."

"You came to our class during autism awareness week and read us that story about autism!"

"Yep."

"Do you have any kids?"

"Yes-- that's my son right there."

"Oh-- is he adopted?"

"No, he's biracial. His dad's from Africa. Well-- see you!"

But nothing beats the time I was doing day to day subbing and I was in the locker room. I had just peeled off my swimsuit and was standing naked and wrapped up in a towel when this girl points to me and goes "Hey!!! You were our substitute last week!!!"

Mortifying.

????

Recieved this back today from someone on e-harmony. Not really sure what to make of it. Can you make heads or tails of it???

What do you most like to do on a day off? what i like to do n day oe thing like always when start me day or do after work day is going on a long walk. walking right by the steam that goes into little happy listioning to the water being lost in my own throughts. watching the brids as they fly trying to see each new on in a day. head out to movie or stay in for moive not. like send time with my family reading up a new page in my book and smiple just enjoy life and all that i can be thank full for

Are you doing what you love? If not, what would you rather be doing? while i love feeling of a hard days work. do what i can making better then when i started. to come home feel little tried yet not letting that stop me. just good smile on my face know i will head on a walk and all my pain will go away. as i can honestly say this frist time in long time that happy and feel good where i work a. as it also plays apart in doing what i love to do that is to draw

Describe the worst date you've ever been on. while worst date ever been on was on three way date with two sister me and my girl. reason why so bad older sister who was ride with lost the keys to car. as having hear he making out with guy talking about how she puts on a frist date so dam sick to know. call me and my girl her varigen babbies cant say things about them; suck outside in cold wait for my farther to come over to give us other keys so we can get the car home. as what made me so upset that day i had big dinner and all this other stuff planed for me and my girl that day this i can to chancel everything. just for the fact to make girl happy at the time to do this three way date thing neve doing that again

Gym fail

So I ate it on the treadmill today.

I stepped off to retrieve the cap to my water bottle and without thinking stepped right back on. Not unlike this guy:

The gym was full of senior citizens and I think I gave them a good laugh. =)

I have nothing to offer except my own confusion

I think that's a quote from someone else, but I can't find anyone to attribute it to. Via google at least. I feel like I don't have much to blog about these days. Things are good. Very busy, but very good. Not the stressful insanity of before. Just, good busy.

Soccer was cancelled again this weekend. Just like last weekend, Saturday was a beautiful day, but it had rained so much during the week that the fields were too soggy to play on. I ended up taking Isaac to the gym with me and got a decent workout in, which was nice. I had plans to clean and clean and clean but my brother Joe ended up randomly stopping by. We got some lunch together and then did Lowes and Home Depot. I needed furnace filters. We ended up getting the crown molding for my bedroom. My bedroom is the only room that feels majorly unfinished. It is still builders white, etc. I'm not ready for the total make-over yet, but I envision it being complete by the end of the summer. We are going to paint it, put up the crown molding, put in a ceiling fan and get some curtains up.

After we were done our shopping, we had to jet off to a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. Isaac's dad was supposed to join us there, but, predictably, he cancelled at the last minute. I didn't even bother telling Isaac because I knew he wouldn't really come. This always happens. Last weekend we had such a good talk about his dad coming over and seeing Isaac and I felt like things were heading in a better direction. It never seems to last though. He had a "family meeting". I am forever pointing out how he puts obscure extended family over Isaac, who is his real flesh and blood, but I don't think it really sinks in. There is a huge Sierra Leonian independence day celebration coming up that he claims he wants to bring Isaac to. We'll see. I never hold my breath.

Anyways, the party at Chuck E Cheese wasn't too painful. I brought this book along and knocked out five chapters during the party. With a few exceptions, I find the mothers of Isaac's classmates to be cliquey, superficial and vapid. I made obligatory small talk with them, and then retreat to a table with my book. It's next May's book for my book club and it is really good. I'm not done yet, but I haven't been able to put it down.

I got a random text on my way home from the party that WJM (long time college boyfriend) was going to be out my way that evening, so I invited him over. I managed to get the house in relatively decent shape, which was good because it has been in a state of C.H.A.O.S. (can't have anyone over syndrome) for several days. I forgot that Friday morning I had set up for the builder guy to come and check on my leaking roof. It was completely mortifying to have him traipse through my house and go into Isaac's room to access the ladder. Anyways, I managed to get the place in order before he swung by.

His visit was nice enough. Although we are extremely different people now than when we were dating, our personalities are still very compatible. I think we are doing a decent job of being friends now. There were only a few awkward moments. One, when we were bantering about something and he called me the name of his ex gf after me. That didn't go over well. He also always seems to ask me about what I do for fun, or what kind of hobbies I have. I don't think he means it in a condescending way, but it always puts me on the defense. He is involved in tons of different hobbies and volunteer type stuff, and I feel like he thinks my life is a little too simple. But I mean, I'm a working, single mom. There are a lot of demands on my time. I work. I teach Sunday school. I do stuff with Isaac. I'm close with my family. I'm in a book club. I do yoga and Zumba. I go for occasional bike rides. I hang out with friends. I go out in the city. I don't know. I think I am a fun and somewhat interesting person, but he makes me feel terribly simple and boring.

Anyways, today was my Sunday to teach Sunday school (I alternate with another girl) but no one showed up. This meant I had to join the big gospel doctrine class which was.... painful. After church, we came home and I took a delicious 2 hour nap and then kept reading The Help. Then my brother Tom came over and played wii with Isaac for a little and I made delicious oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. The secret is a teaspoon of Overall, it's been a great weekend. I'm sad to see it end.

The only plus side, is I get to wear a t-shirt tomorrow. Specifically, this T-shirt for Autism Awareness month (it has the name of our elementary school on the back):

I work for a district where the kids wear uniforms (which I love, and wish that Isaac's school would adopt a uniform policy) and so we get very few casual days. I don't get to wear jeans, but wearing t-shirts at least feels like a step in the right direction. Last week we got to wear these shirts (along with teachers from across the state) sent to us by our union:

It's cheesey, I admit, but I like a little positive self talk. I *do* make a difference every day. It's the main reason why I could never work for corporate America. /endrant

We also occasionally have days when we get to wear this one: It's my favorite. I love me some Ben Franklin. The back has a quote by him: "Energy and persistence conquer all things".

Anyways, I'm back to reading and ready for a new week. How was your weekend?

Thank goodness

I can always e-harmony to provide me with endless amounts of entertainment.

Welcome to the world's most awkward profile picture ever. Look at how weird her hand is on his arm.... I don't know if you can read the caption but it says "Can't wait to go see my mother again soon". Just no.... on a million different levels....

And the profile content for this week's "matches" didn't disappoint either:

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is: Kindness? Sweetness? Show-Stopping Beauty? I kid! Sweetness isn't really necessary...

Some additional information I want you to know: I don't have any extra toes, fingers, or nipples...

The most influential person in my life has been: My best friend Tom, his wife actually thinks were having an affair! Seriously?! Keep that to yourself!!!

Some additional information I want you to know: I am a very caring, compassionate man, despite the stereotypes my profession may portray [he sells used cars]. I am very excited about meeting the woman who can not only be the Laurel to my Hardy, but also the Michele to my Barack .

And a few good typos:

Favorite Band: Linking Park

A Book I Read Recently and Enjoyed: The Great Gaspy (seriously, that one made me giggle for like 6 straight minutes) Oh boy...

so freaked out....

to log into facebook and see this in the "people you might know" thing:

yikes....

More from the E-Harmony reject pile

It's a free communication month, so I hopped by over to the site...

like a month to a flame.

So here's some more lovely people e-harmony thinks I am terribly compatible with.... enjoy.

Last book I read and enjoyed: 'Twilight', It was very intriging how a man and a woman so different love one another so much. It was their differences that made them love each other so much.

Maybe I'm too picky... but I don't want to date any guy who read/enjoyed Twilight. Good grief. That being said, at least he filled in the question. I despise when someone says "I hate reading" or "Not so into books". At least say something lame like "Training manual for my work" or "I only have time to read stuff for school". Saying you hate reading is an instant rejection. It automatically gives the impression that you are a couch potato and unintelligent. Ridiculous spelling mistakes are also grounds for immediate deletion. Sure, we all make occasional errors or typos but words like "sense", "friends" "Jesus" and "Philadelphia"(!!!!!!) should be spelled correctly. Also axed a guy who had on flannel shirts in all of his pictures. Probably petty, but yikes.

Which, let's talk about pictures. Don't put pictures of yourself with your arm around some girl who has been awkwardly cut out of the picture. Get a friend to snap a decent picture of you. Come on.

And for heaven's sake, do NOT put a picture of yourself next to a guy dressed as Pikachu.

And this guy... I don't even know where to begin.... You pay a significant amount of money to have an active online profile on the site, and you choose to make the old Washington Monument penis joke for your profile picture? Good luck finding your soulmate, jackass. (Although, at least the last book he claims to have read was 1984... small redemption)

Free communication week goes on until Valentine's Day and I have over 300 matches to slog through, so there is plenty more where these came from...

Time for another round of Online Profile DON'Ts, taken from actual profiles. Gotta love e-harmony.

• I am passionate about: puzzles. Hey, if that's your passion, I guess I shouldn't judge. I just can't imagine getting passionate about puzzles.
• I typically spend my leisure time: reading, going to 12 step meetings, playing frisby golf. Way to subtly work that in. I dunno, I feel like that is something you should reveal once you get to know a person. Yikes.

• I typically spend my leisure time: cosplaying.... AHHHHHHHHHH
• Things I can't live without are: Sports, Music, Chicken, Phone, Car Chicken? Seriously? You can't live without CHICKEN?! That just seems so random and bizarre.

• DON'T put in your online profile that you have never dated anyone ever before. That's just terrifying and doesn't make anyone want to click on your profile.

• DON'T post this as your picture. It's small but I think you can see that on each of the lenses of his glasses is the reflection of his laptop screen. That's the BEST picture you have to put up??

Everything but the kitchen sink

Thanksgiving was lowkey and relaxing. Isaac and I went to my parents and my one brother joined us. I got two random "Happy Thanksgiving!" texts from phone numbers I didn't recognize. Wasn't sure what to do with that. Isaac had his heart set on playing football but it was very cold and rainy so we had to settle for indoor activities. Dinner was delicious. We played some gin rummy and then we sacked out on the couch for a while wasting away in front of the TV. My dad and I watched the Zumba infomercial for like 20 minutes. I think he secretly wants to do it. Which he totally should. It's so fun!We drove home around eight and Isaac was snoring within minutes of pulling away. He woke up when he got home long enough to ask for some dessert and to declare "I wish we could live at Grandma's forever!"

Black Friday I went out in the city with some girlfriends, which was supposed to be a late birthday celebration for me. (Oh yeah, my birthday was the 17th, but I have been celebrating for pretty much the whole month of November. 29 is great so far). We went to Tria and I had my favorite thing on their menu (after dinner, of course): Nutella Panini. If I had to only choose one food to eat for the rest of my life, it would be Nutella Panini. I was about halfway done with it when the waitress came over, and stuck a candle in the remnant of my sandwich, which was cute.

Most of the talk that evening centered around my one girlfriend who has recently gotten very serious with the guy she is dating. They are talking marriage and she is about to buy a house and officially move in with him (she's not LDS, fyi).... AND his twin ten year olds. Although she adores the two kids (a boy and a girl) she shared some of the issues they are encountering as she essentially takes on the role of step mom in a household where the kids are pretty much running the show. I mostly sided with her (ten year olds with ten thirty bedtimes? I don't think so). I found myself biting my lip on some topics though. There are some things about having kids that you just don't understand if you don't have kids yourself (example-- she was repulsed by the fact that he let his son sleep in his bed all day when he was home from school sick. It made total sense to me. Isaac often sleeps in my bed when he is not feeling well too. I think it's comfort thing).

It was interesting to imagine being in that situation though. I would certainly want my partner to feel comfortable dealing with (minor-type) discipline issues and I recognize how important that would be in a blended family or step parent situation. But if I had to be totally honest, I think I think a little part of me would balk a little bit. Even now I feel defensive if one of my brothers disciplines Isaac. It would be a hard thing. I am interested to see how it all plays out for her.

Anyways, before dinner we also oogled clothes and household items we can't really afford went shopping at Anthropologie. My friend briefly contemplated an 18 dollar hot pad. I told her I could make her one FOR FREE and she agreed. I went home and made these in about an hour with some scraps I had from other fall projects. If you remember, I have LOTS of heat resistant batting from another potholder project, so everything was ready to roll.

I also decided to make a matching hot mitt. I didn't take a picture of it, but it turned out pretty cute. The potholders I just sort of did myself but the oven mitt I followed this tutorial.

It was very clear and should have been easy to follow, but it my eagerness to finish, I would forge ahead after only skimming and then discover I had made a mistake and then would have to go back and start over. Totally reminded me of that saying "haste makes waste". I gave them to her today and she could not believe I made them myself. I think she really liked them. Maybe there is a hope for this undomestic goddess after all. Saturday my friends (a girl I work with and her husband) invited me over for dinner and a game night. Backstory: In October they had taken me and another friend to a Halloween party where I briefly met another one of their friends. I will refer to him as FOF (Friend of a Friend). Afterwards apparently FOF got in touch with my coworker and asked about me. So anyways, when she invited me over Saturday she said she was having some people over and that FOF would be there. Okay, whatever. Of course, I show up and it is just FOF. No other people. HELLO awkward setup. We drove to Chile's and there was this moment of hesitation as we approached the booth. She even joked about should I sit with her or with FOF? I ended up sitting with FOF. And he ordered the exact same thing as me: chicken club tacos without the bacon. He was a nice enough guy, he really was. And our evening was enjoyable. Dinner was good and we played all kinds of fun games. However, to my friends' dismay, FOF is not the guy for me. I hope this doesn't sound snotty, but I will explain why.

• Strike one: over dinner passionately talked about his love of black metal music for about 20 minutes and various experiences seeing bands with names like Dying Fetus in concert.
• Strike two: at some point it came out that although he is no longer collecting unemployment while working at Gamestop, he still lives in his grandmother's attic. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! I don't want to sound like it's all about money or anything like that, but by mid thirties you had better be in your own place paying the bills.
• Strike three: Okay, this is the one that I feel really mean revealing. But here goes: We were playing Scattergories and he hardly ever came up with anything for any category, any round. I mean, "name something in the room that starts with c"? "name a four letter word that starts with a"? Nothing... It was a little alarming. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but then we moved onto Uno. He had no frame of reference for the game Uno, which I just found to be frankly, odd. After we explained the game and started playing he still couldn't get the concept and was just throwing out cards randomly. We would have to stop and explain it to him again. I mean, really, the premise of the game is just matching colors and numbers. I will let you draw your own conclusions to avoid spelling out what I feel is too mean to outright say.

So anyways, it was an enjoyable night, but I don't see much of a future with FOF. It has been quite a while since I was blindsided with an unexpected set up though, so I give them props for that.

We've started decorating the house for Christmas. I dug out the huge two tubs of Christmas stuff but I haven't unloaded them all the way yet. One is pretty much all Christmas ornaments and I'm still not sure what to do about a Christmas tree. Last year my brother loaned me a tiny fake one. It was supposed to be three feet tall but it was actually more like eighteen inches. The cats had a field day with it, knocking it over and batting the ornaments all over the house. I want a real one this year, but only if the cats can behave. Anyone have any tips for cat-proofing the tree? My brother is supposed to make an appearance this week to help us put some lights up outside, so I'm looking forward to that.

Tomorrow is back to school officially, although I was in for several hours today. I felt unprepared to start the week, and it was a good thing I went in. The more I started to do, the more I discovered needed to be done. (Hello IEP meeting after school tomorrow. Didn't remember you were there!) I have been feeling a ton of anxiety about the month of December. It's such a crazy time at school, with so many things that need to be crammed in before break. There is also so much going on outside of work: parties, get togethers, plays, family commitments, stores, crowds, things to be bought, wrapped, mailed and of course money stretched thin. All of it good stuff but it is a little overwhelming to coordinate it all.

Anyways, I should go. Feel free to leave comments and have a lovely week!

shocker

So today at church the bishop's counselor pulls me aside and asks to talk to me. Of course, he wants to give me a calling. It might be nice to have one, since I have been in the ward for about a year and a half now. I have had almost every calling in the RS except president so I was thinking maybe something in there. Part of me was expecting something in the primary since I teach elementary school, and since our primary has several children with autism.

Guess what they asked me to do?

Young Single Adult rep.

First of all, I don't even know what that calling really is. All I knew was that I had to clarify that it was definitely the YOUNG singles. I'm having no part of Single Adult activities. I did accept of course. Maybe it is just my ridiculous cynicism, but I feel like this is yet another validation that I will never have any kind of identity at church beyond "unmarried". It's frustrating.

wedding emotions post-mortem

The photos

I stole the above picture from my Aunt Kathy's facebook and some random ones below from the photographers facebook page. I didn't take a single picture and so I will have to collect them from around.

(yes that's totally me in the front... and I totally caught it... and we totally planned it)

I keep sitting down to try to blog about the whirlwind that was my sister's wedding (parts 1 and 2), but nothing really wants to come. Honestly, the entire thing made me terribly emotional and it's hard to begin to try to put those emotions into words but here goes.

Thoughts on stuff beyond the actual wedding

(disclaimer, I really do love Drew and his family really is wonderful. These are my own issues...)

I know you are supposed to think about a wedding not as losing a sister but as gaining a brother. Drew is a lovely person and I am excited that he is now a part of our family. But I feel (irrationally, I will admit) sad about Jenny becoming a part of their family. Does that make sense? It's no secret that I hate the fact that my sister lives across the country and only is able to come home for like two weeks a year. It's hard to not have her around for the big stuff (graduations, Isaac's birth) and the stuff like birthday dinners or family get togethers, or just to hang out with. Last summer she lived with me for part of the summer, the longest she has come home for since she left for college, and it was the best summer ever. Anyways, especially at the North Carolina reception I found myself terribly anxious as the realization hit me that she now has obligations to another family too, and the time we spend together will likely be even less. For every two weeks of vacation, one week will likely be spent in North Carolina. *Sigh*

Blending two families can be hard. His family was really all about the mixing it up with our family with copious Harlos/Stephenson bonding and togetherness. I'm not going to lie, that's not how my family rolls and in some ways (in my head) it just felt a bit like an invasion; a little too familiar. It felt uncomfortable to hear Drew's parents describing Jenny's life to people as a slideshow of snapshots from her childhood flashed on a tv screen at their reception, or to hear his aunt knowlingly say "Jennifer doesn't eat chocolate". I just wanted to scream out "You don't even know her!!!" I know, it makes no sense.

I guess I have an irrational fear that every future encounter with my sister with have to include 2923 of her in-laws vying for her attention, or be limited to one little encounter a year; that somehow her getting married has forever altered the relationship I have with her as my sister. I cried and cried in the car when we left North Carolina. (Actually, I started crying when we said our good-byes at a breakfast with the extended Harlos family, in front of everyone... which was awkward. It was all of these emotions that I have been trying to describe and they just all hit me and then to have to say good-bye in front of everyone and not know when I will even see her again and it just call came out in ugly sobs and huge tears).

Incidently, it feels very selfish to even write about this, like I am making my sister's wedding all about me or something. I promise I recognized that the wedding was all about her and I did my best to get along with everyone and mix and mingle with the in-laws.

So anyways, I'm aware that I sound like total crazy person. I know this is a natural part of life and growing up. I do. But it's hard. Anyone else out there ever felt this way? You can comment anonymously if you'd rather. I'm thinking I can't be alone in having trouble adjusting with the change in family dynamics brought on by a marriage. But who knows.