ready to pay the price

*Sigh*. So it looks like I am going back to grad school again.

Long story (somewhat) short, I graduated from good ole Widener with a Master's of Special Ed, highly qualified to elementary education. As I interviewed for jobs it became very clear that the fact that I didn't hold a certification in elementary education was a huge strike against me, which is kind of infuriating to discover you are barely qualified after you have paid thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars to get your degree.

I eventually did get hired in my current district. It has always been in the back of my mind to get to get back to work on my cert (see last year's goal list at the top of this page). This year when I watched some of my peers be laid off or cut to part time as our lovely Governor slashed funding to public education, it hit me that if I were to be laid off it would be impossible to go up against huge pools of applicants who were all more qualified than me. I would end up making hoagies at Wawa or ringing people up at Sears for the rest of my life. So this summer I got serious about getting back to grad school and just in the nick of time, as I found out that all of the certification requirements are changing very soon. I need to take 6 classes in the next year so get my stuff together before all the certification requirements change in the state of PA. Otherwise, I will have to take 11 classes under the new certification qualifications. Which was a little different than what I had pictured in my head (maybe taking one or two online courses and sitting for another PRAXIS exam).

I'm not going to lie, I had a pretty big breakdown about this. In order to qualify for financial aid loans I would need to take at least two classes in the spring semester, three in the summer and one next fall. If you were with me back in the Myspace blog days, you would remember that I am no stranger to working fulltime, doing grad school fulltime and juggling being a mom. It's not impossible. I have done it, but the tradeoff isI pretty much had no money, no life, no friends, my mother was Isaac's primary caretaker instead of me, and I was constantly under a high level of stress. The thought of going back to that lifestyle, without even the support of living with my parents was completely overwhelming. Not to mention the thought of taking out more loans to pay for it all had me panicked, as I already have an overwhelming amount of debt relating to school costs. I just really thought that chapter of my life was closed and the thought of going back to that pretty much caused me to totally fall apart.

Anyways, enough blathering on and on about this. As I do whenever I make a major financial decision, I asked my dad for his take on it and he helped me brainstorm some other solutions. I had forgotten to factor in tuition reimbursement, and when you take that into account my work will pay for a considerable amount of the cost, which means that I can take the first two classes one at a time, instead of doubling up. I will can do the bulk of the work during the summer when I am doing nothing anyways and I will only have to take out loans for three classes instead of six. This makes me feel better about things.

I have a friend whose dad is very into Indian Astrology and a few years ago he did a reading for me based on my birthdate, time and location. He reported that I would eventually find a lot of success in my career, but that I would have to struggle against many obstacles before I found that success. Anyways, I don't know how exactly you define "success" as a public school teacher anyways. I just feel like I have taken the long way around over and over when it comes to being a financially independent real live grown up and it's frustrating. It would just be nice to be be on top of the bills, maybe have something in the savings account, and not have something like having a fuel pump be a total financial crisis.

Anyways, I had all of this kind of stuff floating in my head when I was biking along the River Trail earlier in the week. This plaque was on one of the benches along the way.

And actually, that quote sort of helped me refocus.

cats and dogs

Even though Saturday was ridiculously rainy....

which left parts of the trail looking like this:

I still forged on with my first bike ride of the spring. =)

Chilly Saturday

It's not a payday weekend. And Isaac and I found ourselves pretty bored with nothing to do. It's easy to think of free/cheap stuff to do when it's nice out, but it's definitely more of a challenge to keep from going stir-crazy when the temperatures begin to drop. So I got out the bike rack, bundled us up and headed back to our old stomping grounds to do the bike trail. Now that Isaac is a whiz at the two wheeler, I thought it would be fun to take him to an endless paved trail where he wouldn't have to worry about watching for cars. Once we got there I realized it was actually quite a bit colder than I had thought. Isaac was a good sport though and off we went.

Doing pretty well on his two-wheeler.

We took a break on the swings.

Taking a picture of yourself on your cellphone while riding a bicycle is not as easy at you would think.

I sure miss my old neighborhood where we had a variety of bike trails available at our fingertips.

Poor kid had to really keep his little legs pumping to try to keep up. It's hard on a one speed bicycle.

pausing life tonight

Sorry for my departure from the blogging world. I just got back from a lovely getaway at the Jersey Shore for a week and I am ridiculously tan. I hope it lasts. Anyways, school is about to start again and I have done NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING to prepare myself. I've moved classrooms and everything I own is piled haphazardly into the closet of the new classroom. No welcome letters or social stories have been written, let alone mailed. Plus, I have to start work two weeks before Isaac starts kindergarten which adds another layer of balancing to the mix. I'm still trying to wrap up all of the loose ends of summer. My sister gets married in 5 days. There is barely any time left over to squeeze in yoga, regular excercise, seeing friends and an occasional date.

Life is a little dizzying right now but everything is great.

Here's a quick update:

Vacation

Vacation was lovely. There was an adjustment period of course to going from living in a big house with just Isaac to living in a very small house with 7 or 8 other people. Also, there was a bit of a mix up and there were not enough beds for all of us, which meant that I shared a full sized bed with Isaac for most of the time we were there. Five and a half is officially too old for cosleeping, in case you were wondering. BUT after the mandatory adjustment to communal living, it was a delightful getaway. My sister and her fiance were able to join us for the whole week. He is a great guy and it was fun to spend time with the two of them. It was a relaxing week with lots of icecream and fudge, walks on the boardwalk, late night games of Hearts, lazy days in the sun on the beach, and reading on the porch. I seriously love the Jersey shore. Here's a family picture.

Isaac

Isaac is such a big boy I want to die. Seriously, in my head I think of him as a little preschooler and the fact of the matter is he is a little boy. I'm sure it sounds psychotic but it's really hard for me to accept. Like, really hard. It makes me feel sad when I really reflect on him being school age now. I don't know. I have blogged about this a lot before but I feel like I spent so much of his young babyhood working and going to class and all of the stuff for grad school and I know that was important and what I had to do to make a good life for us, but I feel like I didn't get to fully appreciate those early times and now he is just this great big kid. It was so apparent this year while we were at the beach. He learned to boogie board and was riding waves like a champ with my siblings. He also learned to ride his bike without his training wheels. Here's a pic:

Conversely, I also feel a little bit like I am raising a teenager. He has been Mr. Attitude lately and so defiant. Constantly questioning me and argueing with me. Talking back. Straight up refusing to do things I tell him to. I don't know what to do. I feel a bit sheepish sometimes because he speaks to me in this condescending rude way and I know he is modeling the way I talk to him sometimes. I need to set a better example of respectful language and voice tone. But, I also need for him to understand that there are ways that are just not acceptable for any child to talk to any adult and that includes the way he interacts with me. It is hard though because he only is ever around grown ups so I don't think he really understands that. I don't want to be one of those parents that wants to be friends with their kids so badly they turn into a doormat. But on the other hand, it's just the two of us and I just want us to get along. I just feel like I am always in a battle with him anymore and negotiating with him over ridiculous things and it has to stop.

For example, today I went to the singles ward in the city. Afterwards his dad and I met up and did the Isaac switch-off. We pass right by the neighborhood in the city where my youngest brother lives. After consulting with Isaac we decided to head over to my brother's house and likely eat dinner. My brother was called and all was well. About two minutes later Isaac decides he no longer wants to go and begins whining/yelling about how Joe's house is boring, he's hungry and there will be no food there, I need to call Joe and cancel, etc. When we arrived there he refused to get out of the car. After coaxing him out of the car, he wouldn't come in Joe's house, etc. etc., on and on with him screaming at me, hitting me, refusing to do what I asked, etc. I couldn't figure out why he was being so stubborn and ridiculous about doing something he normally loves doing: visiting his uncle. It kept escalating and culminated in me totally losing my temper and spanking him (very rare occurance. I truly hate spanking and only resort to it a handful of times a year).

I'm truly horrified by his behavior. All of a sudden it's like he has turned into this ridiculously spoiled brat . I am open to real constructive strategies to implement. Please spare me the chuckling "This is what you get, he's every bit as stubborn as you were when you were a girl"-type advice or vague statements like "You need to show him who's boss". Of course, while I am typing this very paragraph he came out of his room all sleepy eyed and so sweetly asked me to cuddle with him in bed for a little. Melts my heart.

Dating

PDH ended up randomly getting in touch with me out of the blue. He texted me and then got all miffed when I didn't recognize his number. I was like "We broke up in February. It's July. I can delete your number from my phone if I want." We started occasionally talking and then we hung out recently which was interesting. We care about each other, I think there is potential to be good friends, but I have no desire to get back together with him and I think all of those feelings are mutual. He really is a complete and total child trapped in a 31 year olds body and it's solidly unappealing.

I've sort of put the other guy I was seeing on the backburner. I just don't feel up to playing the dating game at this point in my life. It's just too exhausting. Maybe there is something to be said about marrying young. If you get married when you are in your early 20s you have no life responsibilities or obligations and you can just focus on being together and cultivating your relationship. Once you get old you have to juggle carving out time for a relationship with all the crap of your daily life with all the emotional encumbrances you have collected as the years go on. Plus the person you are dating is doing the same thing, and you have to try to find someone who has baggage that matches yours (to take a line from Rent). It's a lot of work.* Maybe there is something to be said for the "We're 21 and in lurve!" model I see so much at church. *shrug*

* This basically the plot of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, an awesome movie I saw over the weekend. Highly recommend.

Awkward Sitch

I arranged with a friend for her to take two concert tix off my hands. We don't live toooooo far from each other but not tooo close and there isn't much reason for one of us to go to where the other lives. We agreed it would be easiest thing for us to exchange money and tickets via the US Postal system. I dropped the tickets in the mail a week before the concert (well over two weeks now). I let her know the day I did that so she would know to look for them and she indicated she would drop the money in the mail the next day. I left for the shore on Saturday (the day of the concert) and was sure I would come home after a week's worth of vacation to find an envelope with a check in my mailbox. But no check. I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate asking people for money. It's just so awkward for all parties involved. It is a relatively small amount of money so I don't want to come off as a nagging tightwad, but the truth is I am on a tight budget and even that small amount helps. Thoughts? Advice on a non-confrontational/naggy way to remind her about my moolah?

Anyways, that's about it for now. I have to go make my office habitable for humans. Specifically my sister's college best friend (who I have met once) who I will be hosting for a few nights around the wedding. Also, I still have one duffel bag to unpack from the beach, laundry piling up, and the list goes on and on. As always, I welcome your comments. Enjoy your week.

Random gym stuff

• Why every time do I go to the gym and I want to watch some Bravo is it super old reruns of Top Chef? I don't want to watch Carla and Hung. Give me some Kathy Griffin or some Bethenny Getting Married. Sheesh.
• Speaking of gym pet peeves what is with women my mom's age wearing THONGS to the gym. THONGS!!!!! Don't ask me how I know; I mean, it's obvious. You're standing right in front of me in your skin tight workout pants with obvious thong lines. incidently, I'm talking black leggings with lace at the bottom. **Shudder** Now don't get me wrong, I've been known to rock a thong. There are certainly times when it is appropriate. THE GYM IS NOT ONE OF THOSE TIMES!!! It's okay to have granny panty lines when you are sweating to death on a treadmill. Or better yet, wear pants that are a tiny bit looser. Sheesh. **Stepping down off soapbox**
• In other news, I've started a running regimen. Never in my whole life (even when I was skinny and in super in-shape) have I ever been able to run for more than a few minutes and I pretty much felt like I was going to die the whole time. I got sick of it though. I'm only 28 for crying out loud. There is no reason that I shouldn't be able to run a mile, despite my someone more rounded physique. Also, I can bike 20 miles. I know it's different muscles and stuff but if I can pound out 20 miles on the bike there is no reason I shouldn't be able to run ONE.
• So I am proud to announce that for the first time IN.MY.LIFE. I have been able to run more than a mile. Today I've built up to 17 straight minutes which is *almost* a mile and a half. I know, I'm sure there are serious runners reading this who are scoffing but it's a big deal for me. So anyways, I working on it. If I can keep progressing my goal is a 5k sometime in the fall. And at this point I would now say I would I have a love/hate relationship with running, as opposed to my former hate/hate relationship. I am finding myself looking forward to my running days. So that's fun.
• I'm also still loving yoga again. Unfortuneatly I haven't been able to go as much as I would like, because one of the classes is scheduled when the gym childwatch is closed.

Here are some of my favorite poses (I love the balance ones!):

Chair Pose

Tree pose

So fun and relaxing.

Update

I'm assuming those of you who check this blog on any kind of basis have at least a marginal interest in my life. You might have noticed that quality/quantity of posts has been down lately.

Well.

It's summer vacation and we are in total relax mode now.

Summer school is done. I pulled Isaac out of pre-K and we are just taking a month or so to be together and do fun stuff and take each day as it comes.

My mom commented the other day that I seem so much more relaxed and happy now when we talk. Yeah, not working 40 plus hours a week and being stretched ridiculously thin will do that.

It's LOVELY.

I've just been trying to savor July which is wide open and wonderful. August gets a bit busier with my sister's wedding, family vacations and back to school.

So what have we been doing?

Excercise

I had an unfortuneate mishap with my bike rack (I backed the car over it one day in my hurry to get to work). It actually belonged to my dad and I felt quite bad about destroying it. He is the one who bought me my bike and loaned me his bike rack and has really encouraged me to keep up with it. Anyways, he ended up buying me another one, although I haven't been able to get out on the trail yet. It's too hot in the middle of the day (100+ degrees) when I tend to have a sitter. My body is craving a long ride though, so hopefully soon.

I rejoined a gym and I have been excercising almost every day. I've forgotten how amazing it feels to get sweaty and have warm muscles and endorphins running through your body. I've been doing their Zumba which is totally addicting and yoga. The other day though the Zumba teacher was sick and the replacement teacher did a body pump circuit class with cardio and weights and I really enjoyed that as well, so maybe I will try some other classes too. I even ran for a bit on the treadmill yesterday and miraculously didn't die. I'm not going to try to set some lofty weight loss goal or anything but it feels good to be moving again and hopefully the result will be better cardio endurance/toning up. I tend to eat better too when I have worked out, so I think that helps too. I know I won't be able to keep up my six days a week work out schedule once school starts up again, but hopefully I can keep up with occasional classes.

Home projects

I should get some pictures up. I've been slowly clearing out the basement (which is really unfinished back half of the first floor of my house). It's halfway framed out all ready and my brother Joe says that for 100 bucks he could frame out the rest of it. We have to do the framing before we can lay the tile floor, which is what I really want. After living here barely a year the linoleum in the entryway is totally stained (thanks to potty training a baby kitten) and ripped and I just want it gone. Sadly, I won't be able to afford the new flooring for quite a while but I wouldn't mind having everything ready to go as I slowly squirrel away money.

I also have been trying to tackle smaller projects too. I finally replaced the hideous throw pillows that came with my couch with more attractive ones. I finally replaced my teenager style bedding with something I like a lot more. I ordered some curtains for my bedroom. Hopefully I will get some curtains up in the living room/kitchen before the summer is out and this place can start looking like a finished home instead of a half inhabited fraternity house.

Joe also came this weekend and spent the better part of Saturday painting the entry way and downstairs stairway. I wish I would have taken some before pictures so you could truly appreciate what an improvement it is. Builders white is so unattractive and I think the whole entryway feels so much warmer and inviting now that it is painted a soft beige. We hadn't thought it would take so long, but it took nearly two hours just to tape everything off before we could even begin to paint. The entryway is pretty much just an open space with a series of doors: the front door, the door to the powder room, coat closet, garage, the furnace room, and the unfinished basement, so it was a ton to tape off. Then since the walls really hadn't ever been painted before they really soaked up the paint and we went through more than we had planned. Joe is extremely sought after for his handyman/painting skills, and people pay him a ton of money, so I am so lucky when he agrees to squeeze me in and work on my house for free. He even commented as he was taping endlessly, "This better at least make the blog!" So I will give him an official shout-out: THANKS JOE FOR YOUR WONDERFUL WORK ON MY HOUSE! It looks fantastic! It was fun to spend the day with you! I love you!

Here we are riding around in the back of his truck with the paint (don't worry mom, just around the neighborhood, not out on the open road or anything).

I even helped Joe this time (generally he won't let me anywhere near it). I did all the brushwork and he came behind me with the roller which sped things up I think. I learned a lot of good tips. This only leaves the upstairs hallway/stairwell and my bedroom left to paint. I'm pretty excited. In other home project news I have been doing crazy clean outs. I've been through both our closets, sorted through all Isaac's toys and movies and quite a bit of the garage and basement. I have to make some decisions about a few things still, and possibly list some things on Craig's list and put in some better systems to organize the things that I have decided to keep. I'm trying to tackle at least a drawer or a surface every day. I am not a terrible packrat or anything, but my organization skills definitely leave room for improvement. It is amazing how much stuff just accumulates quickly in the house too. It feels good to clean out and hopefully pass things on to people who can use them. I also borrowed my parents carpet cleaner and that is on this week's to do list as well. The carpets are looking quite shabby. Hopefully a few passes with the cleaning machine will restore them somewhat. Dating I'm not going to elaborate much, but I am dipping my toe tenatively back in the dating pool. Nothing serious yet but I am enjoying myself. PDH randomly called me the other day and we had a decent conversation. Afterwards I realized that I no longer think about him every day anymore, don't find myself resisting urges to text him mundane details about my everyday life, or trying to figure out what went wrong. So yes, things are fine in this department as well. But no details yet. =) Playdates/Hanging with Friends and Family

It has always been my fantasy to have a single mom friend that I could talk to about life, thatI could trade babysitting with, etc. etc. Well, my childhood best friend moved back to the area with her three girls and we have been hanging out with them almost every day. Really, I don't have any friends at all with kids period, so it's nice to have that in common with someone, and to have someone to call up when we are headed to the park. They have a pool in their apartment complex that they have invited us to quite a few times. A few times now she has watched Isaac while I've gone to work out and then when I've returned I've watched the kids while she goes shopping/runs errands/etc. alone. It's really nice to have a non-family member I can call up fairly last minute who I feel totally comfortable leaving Isaac with.

Here are some pictures of Isaac with her oldest Sandra when we took them to a fair the other day.

You wouldn't know it from this picture but Sandra actually LOVED the cotton candy

and Isaac hated it and was in the process of spitting it out.

It's fun now that he isn't totally terrified of rides like he was last summer. Anyways, there is lots more to report but I'm sort of running out of steam. Keep checking back, I promise I will be better about blogging. And leave comments!

so what?

How you can tell I am *not* a hardcore biker on the River Trail:

I do not have these: or these: And I DEFINITELY don't have these: And I was passed 3 times by people in their 70s riding these: and I think this:

works as well as that:

And my cars keys/cellphone and ipod? They are stored RIGHT in the sports bra. (I'll spare you a picture of that one).

I may not be the spiffiest or the fastest, but I'll still be out pedaling.