more fun candids

Most of these were taken by my Uncle Darsono..

Waiting....

And waiting.... How cute are my mom and her sister with their grandsons?

We were instructed by the photographer to show some leg. Um... no.

And this about summed up his attitude for most of the time after they came out of the temple. He would hardly be in any pictures. (Also, he refused to wear black socks because they are "so ugly". But you couldn't tell when he was standing.)

He wouldn't look up at the camera.

No matter how much I tried to coax.

This is how he spent most of the time during the wedding party photographing.

This picture cracks me up. Clearly we are dancing with each other but we are both staring off into different directions.

This was during the recieving line (slightly out of order here, sorry).

My bestest friend.

My folks can get down.

Tom was cutting a rug too.

pausing life tonight

Sorry for my departure from the blogging world. I just got back from a lovely getaway at the Jersey Shore for a week and I am ridiculously tan. I hope it lasts. Anyways, school is about to start again and I have done NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING to prepare myself. I've moved classrooms and everything I own is piled haphazardly into the closet of the new classroom. No welcome letters or social stories have been written, let alone mailed. Plus, I have to start work two weeks before Isaac starts kindergarten which adds another layer of balancing to the mix. I'm still trying to wrap up all of the loose ends of summer. My sister gets married in 5 days. There is barely any time left over to squeeze in yoga, regular excercise, seeing friends and an occasional date.

Life is a little dizzying right now but everything is great.

Here's a quick update:

Vacation

Vacation was lovely. There was an adjustment period of course to going from living in a big house with just Isaac to living in a very small house with 7 or 8 other people. Also, there was a bit of a mix up and there were not enough beds for all of us, which meant that I shared a full sized bed with Isaac for most of the time we were there. Five and a half is officially too old for cosleeping, in case you were wondering. BUT after the mandatory adjustment to communal living, it was a delightful getaway. My sister and her fiance were able to join us for the whole week. He is a great guy and it was fun to spend time with the two of them. It was a relaxing week with lots of icecream and fudge, walks on the boardwalk, late night games of Hearts, lazy days in the sun on the beach, and reading on the porch. I seriously love the Jersey shore. Here's a family picture.

Isaac

Isaac is such a big boy I want to die. Seriously, in my head I think of him as a little preschooler and the fact of the matter is he is a little boy. I'm sure it sounds psychotic but it's really hard for me to accept. Like, really hard. It makes me feel sad when I really reflect on him being school age now. I don't know. I have blogged about this a lot before but I feel like I spent so much of his young babyhood working and going to class and all of the stuff for grad school and I know that was important and what I had to do to make a good life for us, but I feel like I didn't get to fully appreciate those early times and now he is just this great big kid. It was so apparent this year while we were at the beach. He learned to boogie board and was riding waves like a champ with my siblings. He also learned to ride his bike without his training wheels. Here's a pic:

Conversely, I also feel a little bit like I am raising a teenager. He has been Mr. Attitude lately and so defiant. Constantly questioning me and argueing with me. Talking back. Straight up refusing to do things I tell him to. I don't know what to do. I feel a bit sheepish sometimes because he speaks to me in this condescending rude way and I know he is modeling the way I talk to him sometimes. I need to set a better example of respectful language and voice tone. But, I also need for him to understand that there are ways that are just not acceptable for any child to talk to any adult and that includes the way he interacts with me. It is hard though because he only is ever around grown ups so I don't think he really understands that. I don't want to be one of those parents that wants to be friends with their kids so badly they turn into a doormat. But on the other hand, it's just the two of us and I just want us to get along. I just feel like I am always in a battle with him anymore and negotiating with him over ridiculous things and it has to stop.

For example, today I went to the singles ward in the city. Afterwards his dad and I met up and did the Isaac switch-off. We pass right by the neighborhood in the city where my youngest brother lives. After consulting with Isaac we decided to head over to my brother's house and likely eat dinner. My brother was called and all was well. About two minutes later Isaac decides he no longer wants to go and begins whining/yelling about how Joe's house is boring, he's hungry and there will be no food there, I need to call Joe and cancel, etc. When we arrived there he refused to get out of the car. After coaxing him out of the car, he wouldn't come in Joe's house, etc. etc., on and on with him screaming at me, hitting me, refusing to do what I asked, etc. I couldn't figure out why he was being so stubborn and ridiculous about doing something he normally loves doing: visiting his uncle. It kept escalating and culminated in me totally losing my temper and spanking him (very rare occurance. I truly hate spanking and only resort to it a handful of times a year).

I'm truly horrified by his behavior. All of a sudden it's like he has turned into this ridiculously spoiled brat . I am open to real constructive strategies to implement. Please spare me the chuckling "This is what you get, he's every bit as stubborn as you were when you were a girl"-type advice or vague statements like "You need to show him who's boss". Of course, while I am typing this very paragraph he came out of his room all sleepy eyed and so sweetly asked me to cuddle with him in bed for a little. Melts my heart.

Dating

PDH ended up randomly getting in touch with me out of the blue. He texted me and then got all miffed when I didn't recognize his number. I was like "We broke up in February. It's July. I can delete your number from my phone if I want." We started occasionally talking and then we hung out recently which was interesting. We care about each other, I think there is potential to be good friends, but I have no desire to get back together with him and I think all of those feelings are mutual. He really is a complete and total child trapped in a 31 year olds body and it's solidly unappealing.

I've sort of put the other guy I was seeing on the backburner. I just don't feel up to playing the dating game at this point in my life. It's just too exhausting. Maybe there is something to be said about marrying young. If you get married when you are in your early 20s you have no life responsibilities or obligations and you can just focus on being together and cultivating your relationship. Once you get old you have to juggle carving out time for a relationship with all the crap of your daily life with all the emotional encumbrances you have collected as the years go on. Plus the person you are dating is doing the same thing, and you have to try to find someone who has baggage that matches yours (to take a line from Rent). It's a lot of work.* Maybe there is something to be said for the "We're 21 and in lurve!" model I see so much at church. *shrug*

* This basically the plot of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, an awesome movie I saw over the weekend. Highly recommend.

Awkward Sitch

I arranged with a friend for her to take two concert tix off my hands. We don't live toooooo far from each other but not tooo close and there isn't much reason for one of us to go to where the other lives. We agreed it would be easiest thing for us to exchange money and tickets via the US Postal system. I dropped the tickets in the mail a week before the concert (well over two weeks now). I let her know the day I did that so she would know to look for them and she indicated she would drop the money in the mail the next day. I left for the shore on Saturday (the day of the concert) and was sure I would come home after a week's worth of vacation to find an envelope with a check in my mailbox. But no check. I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate asking people for money. It's just so awkward for all parties involved. It is a relatively small amount of money so I don't want to come off as a nagging tightwad, but the truth is I am on a tight budget and even that small amount helps. Thoughts? Advice on a non-confrontational/naggy way to remind her about my moolah?

Anyways, that's about it for now. I have to go make my office habitable for humans. Specifically my sister's college best friend (who I have met once) who I will be hosting for a few nights around the wedding. Also, I still have one duffel bag to unpack from the beach, laundry piling up, and the list goes on and on. As always, I welcome your comments. Enjoy your week.

Why are you so petrified of silence? Here, can you handle this...

• I feel (somewhat) bad complaining again, but...
• Isaac's dad needs to hurry up and get back in the country and let me get out of this freakin house on a Friday night.
• Cause this he-takes-Isaac-for-literally-one-hour-in-June thing isn't working for me.
• I guess I shouldn't really complain. I have had several of my friends and (of course) my mom offer to take Isaac for me. But it's not about that.
• I don't want him with a sitter.
• I want him with his other parent.
• Anyways, I could go off on that tangent forever.
• In case I haven't told you, Isaac's dad is in South Africa for the World Cup. My coworker pointed out that I bring up the fact that he is there all the time. But seriously I have serious envy. (Did my using the "serious" twice in one sentence drive home the seriousness of the situation? Because it is serious. Seriously.)
• Anyways, he is off shirking parental responsibilities and galavanting around South Africa on his uncle's dime and I am stuck here on a Friday night scrubbing orange juice stains out of the hallway carpet.
• Wow... welcome to my life. Good thing I keep a blog to make myself feel fascinating.
• So I got a summer report for a new kindergartener in the fall.
• (I am writing IEPs for extra cash this summer. And because I can rock an IEP if I do say so myself and would rather have them show up written correctly in the first place than show up on my desk with a big post-it on it in the fall that says "Lisa, this needs to be done ASAP"... but anyways...)
• The report always lists a students strengths and weaknesses.
• This report lists (among other things) being strong willed as a weakness.
• Now, I have worked with PLENTY of strong willed kids with autism over the past seven years and I totally get how that can lead to behavior problems or otherwise thwart a teacher's best teaching efforts.
• But, as someone who is terrifically stubborn myself, I like to think that strong will could also be a strength.
• Anyways, now I'm just babbling.
• I woke up this morning around seven to Isaac crawling in bed next to me.
• We both woke up again around nine which was HEAVENLY.
• Since yesterday I was wide eyed and bushy tailed at seven am.
• I don't care what some people say about co-sleeping.
• I love (occasionally) waking up to a little sleeping face snuggling up to me.
• So school is out for summer. I'm working 8 hours a week of summer school and writing the occasional IEP so I am keeping somewhat busy.
• I need to keep my days structured and busy or I start to lose my mind.
• As much as I get stressed out by being spread too thin during the school year I go too insane when there is no school work and it's just me sitting inside these four walls all day.
• I've said it before and I will say it again, I could never be a stay at home housewife.
• Not that I would want to work 40 (plus) hours a week if I didn't have to.
• But nothing but children's TV and laundry and dishes makes my brain feel as though it is turning into mush.
• I think I would go into a serious depression.
• Anyways, to celebrate summer Isaac and I trekked out to Ocean City yesterday and had a great time.
• More than once he said "This was such a great day mom!".
• And it really was.
• It's fun now that he is old enough to travel longer distances without a lot of drama. I'm trying to think of some other day trips for us to hit this summer.
• My bridesmaid dress is officially in. I need to go pick up my frothy canary number and probably have it altered.

That's all I got for now... good night!

tantrums -- this too shall pass???

"Usually by the time a child is three or so, tantrums are a thing of the past" -- popular parenting advice giver. Hahahahahaha. From my experience at least, the threes are more terrible than the twos. They are so much smarter and more capable and they know just how to press your buttons and they have perfect timing on when to pitch a fit. We have been tantrum city here lately. Isaac is such a strong will child and I am getting exhausted going toe to toe with him day after day. It could be anything that sends him into a grand mal tantrum. I say no to icecream for breakfast. I accidently flush the toilet when he wanted to. I serve him chicken (a normally highly preferred food) for dinner. Next thing you know he is down on the floor, kicking, thrashing, screaming until he is hoarse. Parenting books say to ignore him but he often grabs onto my legs or follows me around from room to room throwing himself at me, yet refusing any attempts to hold, soothe or comfort him. Target is a frequent location of his worst tantrums. I fully admit that I have reinforced tantrum behavior there by purchasing him toys and candy as a way to avoid public meltdowns. He recieves inconsisent messages from me (and other caregivers) and he definitely uses his tantrum behaviors as a weapon-- a means to an end. I have more than once left a cart full of groceries behind and hauled him off to the car. One time it erupted in the checkout line. I really needed whatever it was we were buying and I wanted to pay and get out. There was an old lady in front of me who was taking her sweet time paying and kept trying to talk to Isaac and me about the tantrum the whole time. "Well what is it he wants? Surely you could give since he is so sad". I attempted to ignore the woman and she finally left so I could pay and haul my screaming son out to the car. I manage to pay for my items, and I attempt to keep one hand on Isaac who is beet red and screaming bloody murder while juggling several heavy bags. We leave Target and he realizes he really isn't getting the toy and he kicks it up another notch. We are both sweaty and I am near tears myself. Well wouldn't you know our friend from the checkout line is parked right next to us and is continuing to stare at me, mouth agape. My plan was to trap Isaac in the car and then attempt to calm and quiet him, or if nothing else to strap him in and drive the 2 minutes home and then deal with him. Of course, he is still set on his toy and is fighting me tooth and nail to get into the carseat. Our elderly friend decides to intervene again. She approaches me. "Excuse me, what is it he wants? Little boy, what is it that has you so upset?" I ignore her and continue to try to stuff Isaac in the car. Please note, I have not spanked Isaac, yelled at him, or done anything in appropriate. I am simply trying to deal with him. "Please, what is it he wants? There must be something you could--" I spin around to look at her and Isaac uses this moment to make a break for it across the parking lot. I take off after him all the while I am screaming over my shoulder at this woman "PLEASE JUST MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!!!" Fortuneatly Isaac was intercepted by a woman who told me I was doing a good job and offered to put my bags in the car for me. So anyways, now if I ever see a mom dealing with a kid in public, I try to give her a sympathetic smile and I say a little prayer for her.