pausing life tonight

Sorry for my departure from the blogging world. I just got back from a lovely getaway at the Jersey Shore for a week and I am ridiculously tan. I hope it lasts. Anyways, school is about to start again and I have done NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING to prepare myself. I've moved classrooms and everything I own is piled haphazardly into the closet of the new classroom. No welcome letters or social stories have been written, let alone mailed. Plus, I have to start work two weeks before Isaac starts kindergarten which adds another layer of balancing to the mix. I'm still trying to wrap up all of the loose ends of summer. My sister gets married in 5 days. There is barely any time left over to squeeze in yoga, regular excercise, seeing friends and an occasional date.

Life is a little dizzying right now but everything is great.

Here's a quick update:

Vacation

Vacation was lovely. There was an adjustment period of course to going from living in a big house with just Isaac to living in a very small house with 7 or 8 other people. Also, there was a bit of a mix up and there were not enough beds for all of us, which meant that I shared a full sized bed with Isaac for most of the time we were there. Five and a half is officially too old for cosleeping, in case you were wondering. BUT after the mandatory adjustment to communal living, it was a delightful getaway. My sister and her fiance were able to join us for the whole week. He is a great guy and it was fun to spend time with the two of them. It was a relaxing week with lots of icecream and fudge, walks on the boardwalk, late night games of Hearts, lazy days in the sun on the beach, and reading on the porch. I seriously love the Jersey shore. Here's a family picture.

Isaac

Isaac is such a big boy I want to die. Seriously, in my head I think of him as a little preschooler and the fact of the matter is he is a little boy. I'm sure it sounds psychotic but it's really hard for me to accept. Like, really hard. It makes me feel sad when I really reflect on him being school age now. I don't know. I have blogged about this a lot before but I feel like I spent so much of his young babyhood working and going to class and all of the stuff for grad school and I know that was important and what I had to do to make a good life for us, but I feel like I didn't get to fully appreciate those early times and now he is just this great big kid. It was so apparent this year while we were at the beach. He learned to boogie board and was riding waves like a champ with my siblings. He also learned to ride his bike without his training wheels. Here's a pic:

Conversely, I also feel a little bit like I am raising a teenager. He has been Mr. Attitude lately and so defiant. Constantly questioning me and argueing with me. Talking back. Straight up refusing to do things I tell him to. I don't know what to do. I feel a bit sheepish sometimes because he speaks to me in this condescending rude way and I know he is modeling the way I talk to him sometimes. I need to set a better example of respectful language and voice tone. But, I also need for him to understand that there are ways that are just not acceptable for any child to talk to any adult and that includes the way he interacts with me. It is hard though because he only is ever around grown ups so I don't think he really understands that. I don't want to be one of those parents that wants to be friends with their kids so badly they turn into a doormat. But on the other hand, it's just the two of us and I just want us to get along. I just feel like I am always in a battle with him anymore and negotiating with him over ridiculous things and it has to stop.

For example, today I went to the singles ward in the city. Afterwards his dad and I met up and did the Isaac switch-off. We pass right by the neighborhood in the city where my youngest brother lives. After consulting with Isaac we decided to head over to my brother's house and likely eat dinner. My brother was called and all was well. About two minutes later Isaac decides he no longer wants to go and begins whining/yelling about how Joe's house is boring, he's hungry and there will be no food there, I need to call Joe and cancel, etc. When we arrived there he refused to get out of the car. After coaxing him out of the car, he wouldn't come in Joe's house, etc. etc., on and on with him screaming at me, hitting me, refusing to do what I asked, etc. I couldn't figure out why he was being so stubborn and ridiculous about doing something he normally loves doing: visiting his uncle. It kept escalating and culminated in me totally losing my temper and spanking him (very rare occurance. I truly hate spanking and only resort to it a handful of times a year).

I'm truly horrified by his behavior. All of a sudden it's like he has turned into this ridiculously spoiled brat . I am open to real constructive strategies to implement. Please spare me the chuckling "This is what you get, he's every bit as stubborn as you were when you were a girl"-type advice or vague statements like "You need to show him who's boss". Of course, while I am typing this very paragraph he came out of his room all sleepy eyed and so sweetly asked me to cuddle with him in bed for a little. Melts my heart.

Dating

PDH ended up randomly getting in touch with me out of the blue. He texted me and then got all miffed when I didn't recognize his number. I was like "We broke up in February. It's July. I can delete your number from my phone if I want." We started occasionally talking and then we hung out recently which was interesting. We care about each other, I think there is potential to be good friends, but I have no desire to get back together with him and I think all of those feelings are mutual. He really is a complete and total child trapped in a 31 year olds body and it's solidly unappealing.

I've sort of put the other guy I was seeing on the backburner. I just don't feel up to playing the dating game at this point in my life. It's just too exhausting. Maybe there is something to be said about marrying young. If you get married when you are in your early 20s you have no life responsibilities or obligations and you can just focus on being together and cultivating your relationship. Once you get old you have to juggle carving out time for a relationship with all the crap of your daily life with all the emotional encumbrances you have collected as the years go on. Plus the person you are dating is doing the same thing, and you have to try to find someone who has baggage that matches yours (to take a line from Rent). It's a lot of work.* Maybe there is something to be said for the "We're 21 and in lurve!" model I see so much at church. *shrug*

* This basically the plot of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, an awesome movie I saw over the weekend. Highly recommend.

Awkward Sitch

I arranged with a friend for her to take two concert tix off my hands. We don't live toooooo far from each other but not tooo close and there isn't much reason for one of us to go to where the other lives. We agreed it would be easiest thing for us to exchange money and tickets via the US Postal system. I dropped the tickets in the mail a week before the concert (well over two weeks now). I let her know the day I did that so she would know to look for them and she indicated she would drop the money in the mail the next day. I left for the shore on Saturday (the day of the concert) and was sure I would come home after a week's worth of vacation to find an envelope with a check in my mailbox. But no check. I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate asking people for money. It's just so awkward for all parties involved. It is a relatively small amount of money so I don't want to come off as a nagging tightwad, but the truth is I am on a tight budget and even that small amount helps. Thoughts? Advice on a non-confrontational/naggy way to remind her about my moolah?

Anyways, that's about it for now. I have to go make my office habitable for humans. Specifically my sister's college best friend (who I have met once) who I will be hosting for a few nights around the wedding. Also, I still have one duffel bag to unpack from the beach, laundry piling up, and the list goes on and on. As always, I welcome your comments. Enjoy your week.