Encouragement for the Week

Mothers truly are the greatest force in the world!

Just seems fitting somehow

Some randoms

• I was looking for one of those refreezable icepacks the other day and decided to check in Isaac's lunchbox. One was in there, along with a greenish grayish old wilted turkey sandwich in his sandwich container. I definitely almost vomited.

• Isaac heard "Straight Up" by Paula Abdul on the radio the other day and said "Who is this? The Beatles?" He's also been listening to KC and the Sunshine Band's "That's the Way I Like It" repeatedly... which is getting old. I liked his Michael Jackson obsession better.

• Speaking of music... I'm loving this song. And Megan Tonjes does a great cover of it:

(Go ahead and click it. Give it a listen while you are reading.)

• Isaac spent the night at my parent's house Friday while I went to the concert, and when I went to pick him up the four of us went to see Cars 2. Wow was I disappointed. Isaac enjoyed it well enough, but I was a little shocked at how violent it was. It was a little disconcerting to see Mater outfitted with a machine gun trying to "kill" other cars in a shootout. But don't tell that to Joe-- he will just remind that you DISNEY/PIXAR movies might not be suitable for kids (????).

• I've been reading a ton lately. I read the first of the books in the Hunger Games. I need to read the next ones ASAP! I've also been working my through Jennifer Weiner. Her books fall more into the "beach reads" category, but they are well written and they are set in my favorite city-- Philadelphia and it's fun to hear all of her references to local neighborhoods, streets, restaurants, etc. Feel free to leave recommendations. One of my to-dos this week is to pay my library fines so I can put in some more requests.

• I'm finally getting into the groove of summer vacation. This is the first summer that I haven't really worked at all and also that Isaac hasn't been enrolled at least part-time in some kind of childcare. The first week was extremely overwhelming. I know it sounds super-lame to complain about, but day after day of being home with nothing to do except housework was so overwhelming. I was kind of having a breakdown and I didn't think I could make it to the end of the summer. I've said it before, but even if I was a bazillionaire I could never be a stay at home mom. I would slide into a serious depression. At any rate, this week I made a point to fill up my calendar a bit more. Isaac and I both did the dentist (both cavity free!), I scheduled a consult with the oral surgeon, a physical, a hair appointment and an eye exam, as well as some play-dates for Isaac and some girlfriend time for me. I definitely feel like things are a bit more doable now and that I can make it to the end of summer without having a nervous fit.

• Isaac is doing a few soccer camps as well as swim lessons for the summer. I enrolled him for a group class at our local YMCA, except that for the first two weeks there were no other kids in his class, so he got a private lesson for the price of a group lesson. His teacher has asked me to move him up to the next level though, which is good. The first week he got all weird and would barely participate. He did a lot better the second week though, and by the end of the class was diving and swimming the length of the pool. Growing up, my parents always had all of us kids in swim lessons and I think it's really important for kids to feel confident in the water.

• We also did another trek out to one of my VERY favorite spots in the city Smith Memorial Playground. If you've never been and live in the Philly area, check it out. It's amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing and it's free! Also, for the summer months they have extended hours. It's a great way to fill a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

• I really miss my sister. It has been nearly a year since I have seen her, which is really just unacceptable. I'm so counting down the days to our beach trip when she comes home.

Well, that's all for now, since I just realized it's nearly one in the morning. Oops. Feel free to leave a comment. I see so many random people on my feedtracker and would love to know who is lurking. =)

30 Day Challenge

If you have a facebook account it's pretty much inconcievable that you haven't come across the 30 Day Song Challenge. I figured I would do it in one shot here.

day 01 – your favorite song - Of course, I have to put the disclaimer: who can really choose a favorite song? But if push came to shove this would probably be it. Anna Begins by Counting Crows.

day 02 – your least favorite song - Anything by Train. I'm over Train.

day 03 – a song that makes you happy - Erasure - A Little Respect

day 04 – a song that makes you sad - Sarah McLachlan - Hold On (it just reminds me of sad times in my life)

day 05 – a song that reminds you of someone - Three Little Birds (or anything by Bob Marley, really) will always remind me of Isaac's dad.

day 06 – a song that reminds you of somewhere - John Denver - Take Me Home Country Roads. It reminds me of all of the times I spent in West Virginia during college. They always play that song at WV sporting events.

Day 07 – A song that reminds you of a certain event. This song by Beyonce makes me think of driving around South Street on a warm sunny night with a friend of mine. I let her drive my car and we just played this song over and over.

Day 08 – A song that you know all the words to

Day 09 – A song that you can dance to. Madison Avenue - Don't Call Me Baby

Day 10 – A song that makes you fall asleep My Time- Mackintosh Braun

Day 11 – A song from your favorite band - anything Counting Crows. There's already several here.

Day 12 – A song from a band you hate - anything Train. Look it up yourself.

Day 13 – A song that is a guilty pleasure

Day 14 – A song that no one would expect you to love... Rebecca Black - Friday. I really do!

Day 15 – A song that describes you The Offspring - She's Got Issues. Not the issues in the song. Just the title. I've got issues. Who doesn't?

day 16 - a song you used to love but now you hate. I went through a Stars phase for a while. Now I just get annoyed when anything from that album comes up on my ipod. (Stars - Dead Hearts)

day 17 – a song that you hear often on the radio Britney Spears - Till the World Ends (LOVE LOVE LOVE this one)

day 18 – a song that you wish you heard on the radio - Dashboard Confession (featuring Adam Duritz) - So Long, So Long day 19 – a song from your favorite album Counting Crows - St. Robinson and His Caddillac Dream

day 20 – a song that you listen to when you’re angry - It's not an "angry" song per say but Not Ready to Make Nice by the Dixie Chicks is one of my personal angry songs.

day 21 – a song that you listen to when you’re happy - Girl I'm Tryin' by J Brazil. It's silly but it's a happy fun song that I play a lot when I am getting ready to go out.

day 22 – a song that you listen to when you’re sad - Counting Crows - Catapult

day 23 – a song that you want to play at your wedding - The Cupid Shuffle. I want to see my mom, etc. doing it.

day 24 – a song that you want to play at your funeral - I would want to Rick Roll everyone at the funeral.

day 25 – a song that makes you laugh Will.i.am - Big and Chunky. Isaac and I sing it to each other all the time.

day 26 – a song that you can play on an instrument - none anymore. Isn't that sad?

day 27 – a song that you wish you could play n/a No desire to play an instrument.

day 28 – a song that makes you feel guilty I can't think of anything. Sometimes I feel mildly guilty for having some more graphic stuff my Lil Wayne on my ipod, but I like to listen to it at the gym. Sue me.

day 29 – a song from your childhood - Paula Abdul Straight Up

day 30 – your favorite song at this time last year - I'm not sure. Probably something by Owl City. I was pretty into Owl City last year.

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just keeping it real

I'm in a funk.

I miss Isaac.

I know he is having fun. I know he is safe and having the time of his life. I know I should be enjoying the time to myself that I always seem to covet.

But tonight.. I just miss him.

I also miss the rest of my family. I generally talk to my mom on the phone at least once a day. I talk to my dad at least once a week. I talk to or see my brother's frequently. I just feel lonely. Yesterday was the culmination of loneliness. Although it wasn't a major holiday, I don't generally spend holidays completely alone.

I stayed late at work tonight (till about six thirty), since I hadn't made any plans and didn't really have anything to come home to. Which sucks and just set the tone for a night of wallowing in ridiculous self pity.

I'm just overwhelmed by stuff. Which makes me feel sort of paralyzed. So instead of trying to deal with things I just bury my head passively in the sand and do nothing and my life implodes around me.

Okay, that's a bit dramatic.

But it's true more or less.

And I don't give into the temptation very often but today I got stuck listening to those old voices and just thinking catastrophically. (I have no friends, I'm unattractive, I will be alone forever).

It really hit me that I am almost 30. Which is just such a significant milestone-type birthday. I don't know. I just thought I would have more stuff figured out by now. Since I'm about to be a real full-blown adult. I just thought I would be more together.

Anyways, all of those thoughts resulted in me going on an emotion fuelled eating binge.

Which left me feeling even more disgusted with myself.

Which makes me feel even more unlovable and lonely.

And it spirals on.

In general I'm good at staying positive and being content. But tonight is not one of those nights...

couldn't have said it better myself

LOVED this

Last night I watched another documentary on Netflix, this one called "The Human Experience". It was a film about two brothers who had rough upbringings in New York City, who are trying to find the answers to life's fundamental questions "Who am I?" "Why am I here?" "Why is there suffering?" "What common threads of humanity link us together across cultures, race, and zip codes".

They spend a week in New York City in February living among the homeless. They spend time with the lost children in Peru (a segment I don't think any person could make it through without bawling) and then the film ends with them visiting a leper colony in Ghana. In between there is really uplifting and inspiring commentary by priests, rabbis, philosophers and humanitarians. The film also has plenty of happy joyful moments that provide a nice balance to all of the suffering that is shown.

The trailer kind of takes makes it look over the top cheesey, but it wasn't cheesey, it was so inspiring!

Definitely, definitely recommend.

I'm addicted want to jump inside your love

I think I need to do something to shake up my own life.

It's spring BREAK for crying out loud and I can barely come up with anything interesting to blog about.
But... I can't stop listening to this song: And I'm not usually a big fan of those guys.

So let's see... that's music. I've been on a big documentary kick lately. Netflix has so many great ones available instantly. I think Netflix is the best 10 dollars a month I spend. At least, if I am going to continue to be as anti-social as I have been lately. Neflix has informed me that I like "cerebral" documentaries. Here's what I've seen lately:

* Very Young Girls - which is about human trafficking in the United States. Not super uplifting as you can imagine, but pretty crazy to think about. When you think of girls being forced into prostitution, you think about young girls in Thailand but it happens in the US all the time. In the US, the average age a girl is caught up in that life is 13. Very disturbing, but informative.

* Exit Through the Gift Shop - all about street art. Really good. Highly recommend.

* Confessions of a Superhero - this one was just okay. It's about 4 people who dress up as characters on Hollywood Blvd. (I've never been to Hollywood Blvd, but they do the same thing in NYC, basically panhandling in exchange for a picture). It was a little too long and the camera work kind of made me sick to my stomach in some scenes.

* Easy A - that one wasn't a documentary, but I really liked it. The writing was very clever. It was sort of a modern take on The Scarlet Letter, a book I am actually pretty familiar with. I had it as a summer reading book the summer before my senior year. I bought the Cliff's Notes and had absolutely no intention of reading it. My mom was not having that though and she would corner me daily and make me lay on the couch while she read me a chapter of it. It's not like, one of my top favorite books or anything, but I am happy that we did read it.

* In the spirit of full disclosure, I have also watching at 22 episodes of Glee that are available. This is very hypocritical after all of the smack I have talked on Glee. I still maintain it is an overrated show with pretty bad acting and ridiculous plot lines. Honestly, I fast forward a lot of the musical scenes because they are just so dumb. Anyways, I have been suckered into a few of the plot lines, so last Saturday after Isaac went to his dad's I sat on the couch and finished off all of the episodes.

Still in my queue: Freakonomics, The Business of Being Born and Tupac and Biggie. Also, I have had Waiting for Superman on my counter for more than a month, but I can't make myself watch it just yet. I'm at about my limit for criticisms of teachers for the time being.

That's all for now. Happy Easter!

Gym fail

So I ate it on the treadmill today.

I stepped off to retrieve the cap to my water bottle and without thinking stepped right back on. Not unlike this guy:

The gym was full of senior citizens and I think I gave them a good laugh. =)

My two cents (before I spend it)

Sorry, apparently I am incapable of updating el blogo more than once a week anymore. Sor-ree.

So I just finished this book . It was amazing!!!! I can't wait to discuss it at book club. Now I feel like I can't start another book, because it will just feel like a let down. A post-reinforcement pause, for my fellow ABA geeks. I had sort of gotten distracted from reading for a while, so it was good to get back into something.

So things have been pretty grim at work. The noose is tightening thanks to our fabulous govenor and losing several key grants that fund support staff. They laid off some assistants, and cut related arts (music, gym, library, art) to part time employees. There's no more tutoring. No more summer school. No more kindergarten assistant. It's really sad and it's the kids that are losing out. I feel fairly safe that my job is secure, but you really never know. It's scary to see people I work side by side with every day getting bad news. It's also made the morale at work even worse. Everytime adults are alone together (without students) that is inevitably what the conversation turns to. It's draining. Thank goodness spring break is next week. I am itching for a few days off.

Speaking of arts education, my heart about burst with pride when out of no where he turned to me and said that he liked an artist named Van Gogh and his favorite painting by Van Gogh is "Starry Night". I got a little bit teary, I'm not going to lie.

Tonight I watched "Exit Through the Gift Shop". 2 thumbs up. Definitely recommend.

I'll leave you with this video. I love the conviction in her voice. "This is my life". :-)

Tuesday....

So I get paid every other week. This means that about twice a year there is a month where it works out that I get THREE paychecks instead of TWO. It's like a fun little bonus. Saturday morning I was contemplating this while I was driving home from my parents. Maybe I would finally put the molding up I've been longing for. Or pay my parents for Isaac's plane ticket to Florida. Or get some paint for my bedroom, the only unpainted room left in my house. As I am pondering my extra paycheck my car, slowly chugs to a stop on the shoulder of the road. Because, really, isn't that exactly what I get for fantasizing about getting ahead a little in life? Grrrr
A 230 dollar part later, my (fabulous) brother had my car up and running again. But not until he discovered that my intake manifold (????) is definitely going to need work. Good bye bonus paycheck. I knew you were too good to be true.
In other news, I'm kind of becoming obsessed with Jessie J. I love her nails and makeup in this video. . So tomorrow is wacky hair day at Isaac's school. I find that my mom has bought him something to wear. He loves it cause he thinks he looks like this guy from his Warioware game: Upon closer inspection of the packaging though, I see that this is the Disco guy accessories kit wig not included
Wait-- what?
Turns out... he's wearing the gross chest hair patch on his head.....
And I don't even care. This is the same mom who sent him to school with a box of tampons for the food drive. What can you do? What's new with you??

who cares if you disagree?

Do you guys know about Meghan Tonjes? I just discovered her recently and I looooooooooooooove her. And she did this cute cover of one of my favorite songs.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

(yes, this video is ridiculously long. It was hard to whittle it any shorter though; so many pictures are favorites!)

Dear Isaac,

Happy birthday! This year your birthday falls on the Friday before President's Day, as it did the year you were born. You have your dad's brown eyes and your mom's stubborn grit. You have a sweet personality, a loving disposition and a wicked sense of humor.

Here are some things you love as you are turning six:

• Sweets of all kinds. Also, apples and applesauce.
• Reading and writing. You are always making lists, and writing things down. You can read so many words. I often find you reading books to Grandma.
• America's Funniest Home Videos or "Funny Bideos" as you call it.
• Scrabble Junior and checkers. I stopped letting you win a long time ago.
• Sports. You love to play football, baseball, basketball and soccer. I often find you playing soccer and football with the big boys when I pick you up from the Y program after school.

You are such a joy to me and I love you more and more each passing day.

Love, Mom

I'm a big cliche

Firstly, I've been reflecting a lot on motherhood lately and started pounding out a huge manuscript on the topic. After some reflection, I have decided to break it up into different posts. Saturday I watched FoodInc, a really insightful documentary on issues in the food industry. After that, Netflix realized I like documentaries and it recommended more in spades. It seems NEtlfix knows me better than I thought. One recommendation was a documentary called "Babies". Here is the trailer: It follows four babies from different parts of the world (Namibia, Mongolia, Japan, and the USA). It was very charming and cute although I found myself tearing up/crying all through it. This is the theme in my life lately I see. Dads in the mall wearing baby Bjorns make me teary. I see a smiling pregnant woman in the grocery store and I feel physical pangs of jealousy. And yes, I am well aware that this makes me sound psychotic but I guess it is safe to say as I creep closer and closer to thirty my biological clock is pounding in my ears. I think I feel more anxious to find "the one" less from a desire to not be alone, but because my desire to have another baby before it's too late. The average 30 year old only has 12% of her eggs left. I am terrified that I won't ever meet someone who wants to have kids, or that by the time I do, I won't be able to anymore. And I'm not the only one apparently. There's even an acronym for people who feel this way: SADFABs (single and desperate for a baby). Which, isn't that the most depressing label ever? My pregnancy with Isaac was unexpected and a time of high stress, shame, and anxiety. It was not something I savored, it was something I detached myself from and endured. I was hit with a barrage of messages that I would have to sacrifice all my dreams and goals, that I would end up collecting welfare, that my kid would be maladjusted, When Isaac came, he became the light of my life. For all of the turmoil of the pregnancy, I can state with absolute certainty that Isaac is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Although a major theme of my blogging over the years has been my regret and guilt at how quickly his infancy passed in a the delurium of working full time, grad school, field experiences, student teaching, etc. Now all of a sudden he is this grown little boy with no traces of babyhood left. Selfishly, I want to do it all again when I can really delight in the experience of it. Also, I feel a lot of sorrow that Isaac will not have the experience of having a sibling close to him in age. My siblings are all two years apart and I am very close with each of them. Anyways, I certainly do not want to a rush a relationship forward toward love and marriage as a result of these overpowering maternal feelings. Seriously. But it is sort of hard when you imagine things in your life unfolding a certain way and all of a sudden you are almost 30 and nothing is the way you envisioned it. Stayed tuned for more thoughts on motherhood including recent conversations on dating a single mom, and the annoying tendency of childless people to compare having children to having a pet.

Finally

A Will.i.am song I can get behind. My friend Mandy posted this in honor of her little boy. It might become my new themesong. Positive self-talk is important for everyone, old and young!

Music for a Monday

This is making the rounds on the interwebs. I figured I would share it here if you haven't seen it. It's pretty much the most adorable thing ever. I love when she goes "Someday I'm going to whistle?"

live music is good for the soul

I saw Mary Fahl last night at the Tin Angel in Philly, a little venue in Old City. She is from the old band October Project and now she is doing her own solo thing. She's a cross between a slightly edgier Enya and Joni Mitchell. We were the youngest in the audience by about 20 years I would say. I really wanted to see her, and the only other person I know who would be interest was WJM (old college bf). He is the one that introduced me to October Project and we saw her once a long time ago when we were dating. Anyways, it actually wasn't awkward to see him again. It's so odd to hang out with him in person again, because it is like we are strangers getting to know each other now, but we know everything about each other's past. I think a concert was a good environment too. Not too much time for talking. But at any rate, I enjoyed myself. Mary's voice is incredible. She sang everything from Italian Arias to folk covers. Afterwards we waited around to talk to her, and WJM started talking to her about how he seen October Project on Prism when he was a kid. He was actually being really heartfelt and complimentary, but as soon as she realized we weren't about to purchase her 40 dollar cd (a Dark Side of the Moon cover album) she didn't have much time for us. We were like "Okay, then". Here's a few videos. This one is October Project. I don't know why it is weird random pictures in a slideshow though. That's youtube for you. This is one that she wrote to be the soundtrack in a movie about 9-11 firefighters.

HA

No wiww today. I spent Friday/Saturday/Sunday in bed hopped up on Vicodin due to dental issues, so yoga pants and sweatpants were the outfit of choice. Maybe next week. In it's place I will leave you with a nearly perfect mashup. DJ Earworm is the one that does all those cool Top 25 pop mashups.

"People will pay you to be inhumane"

Getting my tooth pulled next Tuesday. Looking forward to only ROUTINE visits to the dentist after that...