heavy things

"For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time... deliverance [will come] from another place....Who knoweth whether thou art come... for such a time as this?" --Esther 4:14

I was reminded of that verse last weekend at Time Out for Women in the 'burgh.

It reminds me of a current work situation. Remember this post?

Well they posted a recent update that she failed to show up to court and is now considered a fugitive. I take a little comfort in that, knowing that it will keep the kids out of her care for longer.

I am in the midst of another horribly sad situation at my school along the same lines (abuse/neglect) which brought this scripture to mind again. That is definitely the hardest part of my job. I don't want to post about particulars, but the day that I came to a full understanding of what home life looks like for one of my little defenseless kindergartners. I literally became physically ill and could barely move off my mom's couch for the evening. I'm a really sensitive person and that aspect of my job isn't something that I have gotten any better at coping with. More than once I have had to ask for the person to stop providing me with the details if there is nothing that is going to change for them. I just cannot handle it.

Anyways, CPS were only called for the first kid because of the persistance in me and my assistants in documenting signs of neglect. We are in a similar pattern with the current situation. This student's caregiver stormed into the school and was very upset about our reports. I guess she is feeling the heat finally. My principal explained that we are mandated reporters and that we will continue to report things. It is up to the authorities to make the decisions and judgements about what we report to them.

I don't think I could rest at night if I knew I wasn't doing everything in my power to to ensure the safety and well being of each of my students. The things you see/hear about just break your heart.

As the verse says, I can be quiet and deliverance may come from another place but with such a transient population and so many kids off and on my caseload, who's to say our paths didn't briefly cross for this exact purpose? Especially with this particular situation, I really feel like God prepared me and softened my heart (and other people as well) to be more aware of things that had been overlooked previously.

I feel like I am not being terribly eloquent. I hope you got where I am going with this. It's something I sort of wanted to process and get out.

Resolution Report

Here's the list of 2010 Resolutions and progress made:

• Ride my bike to work at least once Definitely possible in terms of distance but I don't know if it is feasible in terms of not dying. The roads I would have to take don't have shoulders and are very busy. Plus I would have to cross a narrow bridge and the sidewalk part of it is closed. AND people in Pottstown just are not used to dealing with bikers on the road. It's not off the table though if I got up really early.
• Organize office, craft, sewing and scrapbook supplies and start using the office as a functional craft space In progress. The closet still looks like a bomb hit it. But I did unpack the sewing machine and make very small inroads on the organization front.
• Finish painting the rest of the house The living room is now painted. This only leaves the hallways, my bedroom, and the powder which is painted but that I already want to repaint. So I am making progress on this one.
• Make a loaf of bread from scratch
• Go one week without the internet I'm counting it. --->Completed 1/15
• Take at least one mural tour in Philly I couldn't do this one until spring (they don't give the tours in the winter). Now my Saturdays are filled with soccer. But I am going to at least get it on the calendar soon. Anyone want to join me??
• Fly a kite Isaac and I busted the kite out the other day for fun and discovered the dowel that goes across the width of the kite is missing. I will have to try to fashion a replacement. That was sad.
• Scrapbook 3 pages a month EPIC FAIL. Haven't done a single page this year. Probably because all my supplies are such an unorganized mess (see previous unfinished resolution).
• Work out twice a week Yeah... ummm... I haven't hit this every time.
• Start composting I did a bit of research on this and talked to my gf who composts and lives in an apartment and she gave me some good tips. But I have yet to actually do anything to start.
• Take Isaac camping
• Drink 8 glasses of water a day Very hit or miss. If I remember to bring my water bottle into school I do better. Otherwise it will be like, 8 at night and I will be like, "Why the heck am I so parched?" and then I will realize I have drank, like 2 glasses of water all day.
• Take a class on something hobby related Not yet, unless you count me going with my friend Jami to her adult gymnastics class. My composted girlfriend did invite me to an urban bee keeping class but I couldn't make it. Not sure that is the hobby I want to tackle right now anyways. So, this one is still incomplete.
• Make progress towards getting my elementary certification (right now I am highly qualified in elementary ed, but it is more desirable to be dually certified) No and I MUST do something to get rolling on this over the summer.
• Floss daily Another total and complete FAIL. I have yet to floss in 2010. I know, it's terrible. I have a dentist appointment in a week and I fully expect to be reamed out and lectured about gum disease.
• Read three books before I head to the beach I am about 1/2 way through Anne of Green Gables (reread) and halfway through The Total Money Makeover. I can only read that one in small bursts, because while it is very inspirational, it makes me feel terrible about the state of my finances.
• Eat more homemade meals and less frozen stuff and fast food Slight improvement but still a long, long, long way to go.
• Grow something edible and eat it I had a basil plant growing on my window sill for this exact purpose but the cats ATE it. So back to the drawing board on this one.
• Write a blog post when each of these is completed will do...

How are you doing with your resolutions?

Not Me Monday...

Did NOT go out with girlfriends last Saturday for a cheap evening out on the town, at a coffee shop in Wayne. I did NOT decide to go ahead and make a left hand turn because I was in a hurry and there was clearly no traffic coming, despite about three signs informing me lefts were not allowed. I'm a very careful driver who always obeys all traffic laws and posted signs. I did NOT promptly see lights in the rear view and get issued a ticket. While sitting there waiting and waiting for my ticket I did not start to panic at the amount of time it was taking for him to write it up. I have NOT had so many tickets that I would have an understanding of the average amount of time it should take to issue a ticket for a simple traffic violation. I did NOT start wracking my brain for other things he could potentially be arresting me for (am I up to date on my property taxes??) The officer did NOT issue me a second ticket for having an expired registration. My registration did NOT expire in January. It is NOT currently the end of April. (whoops) The "cheap" night out with girlfriends did NOT end up costing me over two hundred dollars in tickets.

=)

and I thought I overshared on the internet...

My "friend" on facebook (read: old acquantance from the singles ward) just posted pictures of her and her husband right up for any old person to see. She is in a lace-up spandex dominatrix type outfit holding a whip and he is shirtless, handcuffed and kneeling in front of her. TMI! TMI! TMI! Thank goodness she and her husband are not in my church congregation anymore. I seriously don't need to see that!!!

Thought of the Day

Sometimes things are not what they seem....

You Know You are a Single Mom When...

--Your child, as a small toddler, is able to point out familiar fast food places on the road as you pass them and shouts out what you would order from there ("Medium Diet Coke!" or "Nachos Del Grande!") -- You've had to call your credit card company before you head out to the store to make sure your card won't be declined when you go to pay -- Popcorn in a bag purchased at Target has (at times) been deemed an acceptable dinner option -- You are expert of the downlow phone calls while driving, because you are forced to forever multi-task on your way to soccer, doctor, grocery store, etc.

-- When you are at work you are trying to do personal stuff (figure out how to take time off for dentist appointments, calling those people who are only around during business hours). When you are at home, you are trying to finish up work because you can't come in early or stay late like the other teachers.

-- Along the same lines, when you have to take a sick day and send the little one to daycare anyways, just to go to the doctor's office and get a hair cut in peace.

-- The daycare sends home father's day cards to mom.

-- You turn on the TV for noise when he's at his dad's for the weekend, because the house seems a little too quiet. -- Your car is a rolling apartment with snacks, drinks, changes of clothing, crayons, paper, books, a folding chair, a case of bottled water, action figures, trash bags, etc. -- You find yourself wanting to strangle the chick in RS who says "Well since my husband is in dental school/works long hours/travels a lot I'm basically a single mom." Girl, you have no idea. -- Your Netflix movies are, like, seven months old because you never have time to watch them. --Your five year old is unphased sitting on the stool waiting and watching while you get your eye brows waxed. -- You look forward to your weekend "off" but then find yourself working four hours later because you can't bear to go home to an empty house and then when you do get home, you are so exhausted you fall asleep before ten o'clock with the lights all on and the computer in your lap. So much for being a swingin' single... -- You start finding children's TV characters sort of attractive (overlooking the fact that they are clearly gay):

-- Your siblings see your name on caller id and answer the phone with "I already have plans this weekend, I can't babysit"....

-- Your son recognizes the symbols on bathroom doors, but thinks the women's one applies to him, because you are too terrified to let him use a public bathroom alone. -- You are fine with the fact that when navigating through your living room you will forever trip over a mess of small legos, blocks, action figures, soccer cleats, etc.

Anyone have anything else to add to the list?

creepy

Why?? Click here to read the story

"Driving sideways..."

It's an Aimee Mann kind of night. I adore those albums. I listened to them over and over in college. She is very much like Counting Crows in that when you pull out lyrics they don't seem as meaningful. So much of it is in the music and the delivery. I'm trying to mellow out.

I am feeling a lot of anxiety about the summer, the school end of this school year, the start of the next, money worries, summer employment, my parents traveling, etc. As much as I am looking forward to summer, there are still quite a few question marks about it, and I just don't do well with uncertainty and transitions. I called my mom in tears because I am already panicked over who will be there for Isaac's first day of school (even though she has already assured me over and over she will come out since I will have to work). The beginning weeks of the school year are always intense. New students to get to know, back to school openhouse, and this year it will be Jenny's wedding the Friday before school starts plus getting Isaac ready for kindergarten. It seriously makes me hyperventilate.

But that is months away. And I need to be living in the moment.

And staying calm.

And breathing.

And sleeping. ..

Not bitter (seriously!!)

Okay, how perfect is that picture? So, apparently some people (cough-cough-younger-brother-Joe-cough-cough) feel that I should feel upset that my sister is younger than me but is getting married first. I think he is hoping for something ridiculous that would parallel the story-line to Taming of the Shrew. I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but I don't feel bitter at all. First of all, she is not that much younger than me. There are about four years between us. Statistically speaking, it's inevitable. Jenny (oh, and she is only going by Jennifer these days, but I CAN NOT call her that) has always dated a lot. I never have. Jenny lives in a Mormon mecca of dating, courtship and marriage with plenty of opportunity to date. I live in a much cooler east coast town where local society doesn't put intense pressure on me to define myself worth by my marital status. (whoa, I did almost veer into bitter rant territory... focus...) So since she is more inclined to date and has a mind boggling amount of people available for dating, it doesn't surprise me that she is getting married first. If anything, a part of me feels relieved. Growing up I was always referred to as "the test child". This time, she can be the "Wedding Test Child". But more importantly, I adore her and I really like Drew and I am terrifically excited and happy for them and would never want to turn any part of her wedding into something that I could complain about. So there haters.

A few Friday randoms: * Poor Isaac plays with his shadow and calls it "my brudder". It reminds me of Anne of Green Gables when she talks about the little girl in the glass bookshelf being her only friend. When he was younger, he used to insist that my younger brother Joe was his brother. It was a sad day when he put it all together ("Mom, I need a real brudder, not just Joe". * Undomesticity has reached an all time high. I have run out of room to store the dirty laundry, so I am finally doing it. I keep telling myself to do a little at a time so it doesn't build up, but I never listen. Then I can barely open my closet door and poor Isaac is wearing knee high soccer socks to school... This is too funny -----> Enjoy your weekend all. I know I will... =)

This actually melts my dog hating heart

I'll have to try to remember to watch a week from today.

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. I did NOT send Isaac to school in shorts and a t-shirt today. It's really as warm as I thought it would be. Now I'm that mom being judged by all the teachers... I was NOT asked by the school librarian today (an older guy who is right on the borderline of hilarious and pervy) if I had just woken up due to the extreme unruliness of my hair. Yeah, I need a haircut. I get it. I do NOT regularly get e-mails from AARP. I'm only 28. What the heck?!?! I did NOT forget all about an IEP meeting tomorrow. I did NOT have to stay at work till nearly 7:00 to finish everything I need to do to get ready. I did NOT finish off most of the leftover cheesecake in the faculty fridge after school and then stop by McDonald's for dinner. I am NOT laying in bed watching Intervention instead of working out as the cheesecake and fries settle themselves on my hips and thighs.

Yay!!

After possibly the longest courtship in the history of two BYU students (I kid! I kid!) Drew and Jenny finally made it official and are engaged!

She called tonight and let me blather on forever about what I had for dinner and Isaac's soccer before she told me.

I'm so thrilled and happy for them. Apparently vacationing with our family for a week last summer was not enough to deter Drew from deciding to join it. They are thinking August for the wedding which gives me one more exciting thing to look forward to this summer.

(She asked me not to post about it on facebook, but I figure it is okay to post about it here.)

I'm so excited!

My name is Lisa and I am not an Eagles fan...

Blah. So I had another e-harmony date yesterday. I was a little nervous. PDH e-mailed and chatted online several times a day for nearly a month before we met up in person, so I felt like I already knew him pretty well. Tech Guy (TG) and I had e-mailed twice and texted a little bit. We agreed to meet up for a quick dinner around 4:00 with the understanding that he was meeting friends at 6:30 to go to Atlantic City. (Definite ending times for dates are critical in these situations). The date itself was fine. He was a nice guy and looked like he did in his pictures (cute). I would go out again if he asked. But if he didn't ask, that would be fine too. But this blog isn't intended to be a report on the date. It is just to ponder the question of where do I find a guy who isn't totally obsessed with sports? PDH was obsessed and I mean obsessed with football (college and NFL) and hockey. He kept up with multiple fantasy leagues, drove up to State College often for football games, etc. As silly as it sounds, it did kind of put a strain on our relationship, because it was something he was so passionate about and something I have absolutely no interest in at all, and very little tolerance for. For him, certain games were critical life changing events, which was something I really couldn't understand or relate to. As a gag, this was one of the Christmas presents he got me: And sports were a prominent discussion point in my date with TG. We had originally talked about meeting for lunch, but Isaac's soccer game was scheduled for lunch time, so that is how we ended up with an early dinner. He was like "So what other sports does your son do?" Me: Just soccer. TG: Really? Me: Yeah, spring and fall. TG: Really? He doesn't do baseball or anything? Me: No, not right now. Just soccer. He's only five. TG: Oh, that's kind of weird. Me: Well, his dad is really into soccer and wants him to play. And he loves it. But if he ever asked to play another sport, I would sign him up. (I decide to not mention his brief endeavor into the world of gymnastics, something told me it might not be well recieved) Later... TG: So have you grown up in this area your whole life? Me: Yeah, pretty much. TG: So you a Phillies fan? Me: (racking brain, vaguely recall something about Phillies recently winning the World Series): uh... not really? TG: What?! I then realize he thinks I would rather root for another team than the Phillies.... I try to politely explain to him that I just don't care about any baseball team. At all. TG: So you would never go to a baseball game? Me: Well... I have... But I could name about twenty other things I would rather do than go to a baseball game. TG: What about the Flyers? You a Flyers fan? Me: Uh... Well... I mean... I would rather go to a hockey game than a baseball game. TG: Have you ever been to a Flyers game? Me: Yes! I don't mind watching Hockey. And when I was in Pittsburgh I went to a few Pens games. We got a student discount. TG: Do you like football? Me: No... TG: Have you ever been to an Eagles game? Me: No. And I can see my stock plummeting as he realizes I will never be the girl sitting next to him cheering on the Eagles or passionately following Phillies games. Why do I keep getting paired up with these sports fanatics? How can I get matched, with, like a hipster who isn't going to be horrified that I don't understand a thing about football? How important is it that you share interests like sports with your significant other? Does it have to be a dealbreaker (like PDH)? Is there room for compromise (I'm thinking of my college boyfriend and I who would literally have two tvs next to each other in his living room, one playing baseball and one playing Trading Spaces)? Feel free to comment.

It's not fair

How come you can eat a cheeseburger and immediately grow a food baby and feel fatter and disgusting, but you can excercise and excercise and excercise and eat tons of salads and vegetables and still feel like you are struggling to buckle up your jeans? I know I need to be more patient and keep fighting the good fight... These things don't happen overnight... I'm trying hard, but it's discouraging. I was never a heavy girl growing up, and I hate that since my pregnancy five(!!!) years ago I look in the mirror and literally don't recognize the person I see staring back at me. I have much more to write on this subject, including some new fitness equipment purchases and the report on adult gymnastics... I'm so tired though I will end it here.

Seriously

What the heck is WRONG with some people? (In case you have been living under a rock) Constance McMillen is a well spoken and out lesbian who wanted to wear a tux to prom and bring her gf as her date. Evidently this is a crime in the state of Mississippi. You can catch up on the back story here. The ACLU ended up getting involved and the school decided to cancel the prom rather than allow Constance to attend. A judge has already ruled that Constance's constitution rights have been violated by being banned from her prom. I've been struck by how mature and well spoken she has been throughout the whole ordeal. Here she is on Ellen: The saga took yet another disappointing turn this weekend when, adults of her town set up a fake alternative prom that Constance was invited to. It's like something right out of Carrie or a Lifetime movie. She showed up and only a few a few other special education students where in attendance. And again Constance comes out on top with her mature reaction to this devastating hoax. “They had the time of their lives,” McMillen says. “That’s the one good thing that come out of this, [these kids] didn’t have to worry about people making fun of them [at their prom].” Bullying and discrimination like this is what leads kids to killing themselves in high school. It's totally dispicable that students, parents and administrators appear to have all colloborated to discriminate against and humiliate this girl. I mean, it's sad that teens could be so cruel, but it's not unheard of. For adults to behave so poorly is horrific.

Life Soundtrack...

Incredible band. Great song. Lyrics to All At Once : There are certain people you just keep coming back to She is right in front of you You begin to wonder could you find a better one Compared to her now she's in question And all at once the crowd begins to sing Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same Maybe you want her maybe you need her Maybe you started to compare to someone not there Looking for the right one you line up the world to find Where no questions cross your mind But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt Much longer for you to sort it out And all at once the crowd begins to sing Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same Maybe you want her maybe you need her Maybe you started to compare to someone not there Maybe you want it maybe you need it, Maybe it's all you're running from, Perfection will not come And all at once the crowd begins to sing Sometimes We'd never know what's wrong without the pain Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same Maybe you want her maybe you need her Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there Maybe you want it maybe you need it Maybe it's all you're running from Perfection will not come Maybe you want her maybe you need her Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another To another

How to Get Your Own Earring Out of the Trap

Okay, for all of my feminist girl powerness, there are somethings I really, really hate to do for myself. Home repairs totally fall into that category. A few days ago my brand new earring that I had only worn once fell down the drain in the bathroom sink. I begged and pleaded for my dad or brother to come over and retrieve it with no dice. My dad (kindly) told me, that this was something I could handle myself and walked me through the steps using his own bathroom sink as a visual model. So tonight I decided to tackle it. And, of course, blog about it. I think it falls under domesticity attempts. It was actually pretty easy and took less than five minutes. A definite success for my first venture into plumbing. To retrieve your earring out the trap you will need:

A bucket (cat walking into frame optional)

Open up that sink door and take a peek at what you see. It should hopefully look like this. If you have metally looking pipes instead of plastic ones, you might need a wrench of some kind. The little U shape is the trap where your earring should be. It is filled with water (and probably some other gross stuff, but try not to think about that).

Clear away all of the stuff under the sink and position the bucket under your pipes. There's a little ring on the back end of the U. Give it a twist. Mine was pretty easy to loosen. If it's tight you could probably use a wrench. As you can see in the picture the ring will slide up and the U will slide away.

From there you can just kind of tug the other end of the U off. Warning: it is filled with water and smells kind of gross. Another purpose of the U tube besides being a catch, is that it stays filled with water and keeps the sewery smell from coming up the pipes into your bathroom. Anyways, tug the whole U thing off.

And dump it into your bucket. The water was so gross I couldn't see the earring but I could hear a "plink" as it hit the bucket.

There it is!

Then just jam the U pipe back on and twist the ring over it. Keep the bucket there and do a little test run with the water to make sure everything is back in place.

Not too hard and kind of empowering. Go me!

We're old...

I was out for a birthday dinner with some friends last night. We ended up in a rather long conversation about ketchup.

"Gosh, we're so old, all being so into a conversation about ketchup" - Friend 1

All make agreeing noises and nod their heads.

"Let's talk about things young people like to talk about" - me

"Good idea" - Friend 2

"Um............ what do young people like to talk about?" Friend 3

*Very long silent pause*

".....Lady Gaga????" -- Friend 1

Not anymore...

six numbers, one more to dial

before I'm before you

I tried to call

been busy all night

gave up waiting at daylight

Excuse me Mrs. Busybody

could you pencil me in when you can

though we both know that the worst part about it

is I would be free when you wanted me

if you wanted me

ohhhhh...

I am the man on the side

hoping you'll make up your mind

I am the one who will swallow his pride

life as the man on the side

one of the many

one of the few

to stand back and wait for you

excuse me Mrs. Busybody

could you pencil me in when you can

though we both know that the worst part about it

is I would be free when you wanted me

if you wanted me, if you wanted me

ohhhh...I am the man on the side

hoping you'll make up your mind

I am the one who will swallow his pride

Life as the man on the side

Life as the man on the side

I fell in love with the dream that I built of

the part of the queen

taking my own advice

I'm giving up tonight

good luck to you and the king

excuse me Mrs. Busybody

could you pencil me in

though we both know that the worst part about it

is I would be free when you wanted me

if you wanted me, if you wanted me

ohhhhh....

I am the man on the side

hoping you'll make up your mind

I am the one who will swallow his pride

life as the man

you know life as the man

living life as the man on the side

Making books

Isaac's new thing is making books. They are quite adorable. He dictates the sentences to a grown up and the he does the pictures. Please enjoy his book:

"Isaac's Dinosaur Book"

The dinosaur is eating leaves.

The dinosaur scares other dinosaurs.

The dinosaur is sleeping.

The dinosaur is jumping.

Spring is Here~

Spring is here to stay! And it's so lovely!

Isaac and I planted a whole bunch of seeds. There are actually two tiny sprouts in there but they didn't photograph. We've had fun watering our seeds and checking for progress each day.

The beautiful Easter wreath I ordered from Amazon. The only thing is it came with no way to hang it up. Next year, I will have to figure out something a little more attractive.

Homemade Easter Card from the boy.

Picked this up for a few bucks. It's been sitting on the windowsill. Cute jar (bad lighting/photo). I think I have more spring/Easter decorations up tha I did for Christmas.

I've been leaving the "porch" door open and Cody has enjoyed tempting fate by dangling off the drop off of death. Sometimes I find him with more than half of his body dangling outside.

My neighbors (who actually have a small porch and not a sheer cliff outside of their sliding door) have put up a bird feeder. Of course there were no birds there when I went to take the picture, but Isaac and I have really enjoyed watching them. We have a clear view of their feeder from our kitchen table. Shorts, and new sandals! (Now I just need some time to work on the tan...)

Spring soccer starts next weekend, so I should be blogging about that soon. In the meantime,I am officially on spring break. I've been cleaning and cooking and baking and organizing. It's wonderful. What things are you doing to usher in spring?