It probably will.
I know I'm leaving myself open to be flamed.
Here goes: So a long time ago (like, over the summer) within the short span of a few weeks, almost all of my good friends who happened to be married (and not LDS) made statements to me about how they simply do not want children. They are all in stable marriages, fairly financially secure, etc. They are just happy being couples I guess and don't want to disrupt their lives. This was around the time when WJM/longtime college boyfriend got back in touch with me and made a similar pronouncement. He declared himself to be "too selfish" ever to have kids and expressed that he had a dog, and that was close enough to a kid (future rant blog on people who compare having pets to having kids is still to come-- that is one of my biggest pet peeves EVER. I hate when people compare the fulfillment of the relationship of a pet, to what they expect the fulfillment and/or responsibility level of having a child will be.)
I try not to judge my friends who don't want children, because I hate when people judge me for getting pregnant, but, well, I think it's a really narcissistic attitude. I don't understand why you would want to sell yourself short of the joy of having kids if you were able to. I really can't wrap my head around their choice to be willfully childless.
Although I have always knew I wanted to be a mother, and although my pregnancy was unexpected, having Isaac is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I recognize that even though I have always have a deep drive and longing to be a mother, that not everyone experiences that same feeling. I think that's fair. But I don't know, (here I go judging again) but it just seems like so many of my friends are choosing not to simply because it would require them to adopt a less self-centered lifestyle and to me that is just tragic. It's an amazing thing to have a child and realize that there is someone in the world now that you love more than you love yourself. I just feel like if you intentionally choose to not experience that on some level, then you are willingly stunting your growth of your character as a human being. There, I said it.
It feels weird to even write this, because I am so not the typical mormon girl whose life ambition is getting married at 19 and cranking out a minivan full of kids before you can even afford to move out of your parent's basement. I think women should have careers. I don't think daycare is evil. And, believe me, I am not trying to glamorize it. I vividly rememver the total shock of coming home from the hospital with the baby in the carseat red faced and screaming and realizing that nothing about my life will ever be the way it was before. You lose your ability to sleep, your privacy, to eat when you want, to live life on your own terms. Pregnancy itself is the ultimate example-- you are not even able to be the only one living in your body, which I guess is a scary thing to some. (Remember the controversial statement Jillian Michaels gave in her Women's Health interview where she said she was planning to adopt so she wouldn't "ruin" her body with pregnancy?) Children involve a lot of time, emotional giving and patience. It's hard work to be a parent and raise kids. And Isaac, is only six, I know I haven't even really gotten to the hard part yet. I get that can be overwhelming at times (believe me!!!) but gosh, in parenthood the good outweighs the bad a million times over. It's such a beautiful thing.
It just makes me a little sad that so many of my friends (for whatever reason) aren't choosing to embark on that adventure.
That's all.
5 comments:
I'm offended! Here I thought I was the best thing to ever happen to you.
I used to be one of those people who thought a pet was the same as having a child. Yeah I was delusional but I don't think anyone can ever understand what parenthood is like until you experience it.
I also think it's so sad what people who don't want children are missing out on. And the thing is that when they are old what are they going to do, our lives will be so much better just cause we will have family and specially grandchildren around, haha. In all reality though people who think like that really should not ever have children.
This is a tough one. Sometimes I think it's a gut reaction to say "We aren't having kids" because after you get married, it's ALL people ask about. The answer of "we're not" shuts people up. I started to joke that I was nothing but a walking uterus. No one asks me how my career is going or what else is going on in my life. I find the idea of pregnancy and children scary and don't feel ready yet (though I don't know when one ever does...) between working 60 hours a week, traveling 4 days a week, etc, both husband and I would need to make major life changes before having a kid. Hell, we can't even have a houseplant because no one is home long enough to water it. Selfish? Probably, but also smart enough to know the costs and time and realizing we can't give that right now. In the future? Who knows what life will bring, but I do know that we are both open to it.
Now here I go.....Our society have this view of children as a burden. Gone are the days of when someone gets pregnant and gets a sincere "congratulations". Where did things go wrong when success is only measured by how much $$ is in the bank and how many degrees you have?? And to compare a child to a pet, is just ignorant....
I know I probably said too much.
That's really sad. Having kids is like drinking from the fire hose of life lessons. The really sad part is that there are so many who ache to have children of their own and can't, and then people who totally could refuse to.
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