Ugh.
PMS + lack of sleep + too much work + overwhelming mommy guilt has turned me into a rather miserable person the past few days. I'm fairly sure even my own parents are screening their calls from me at this point.
I'm only one person who is just spread too thin.
I fell asleep face down on the couch for 30 minutes today at around 7 o'clock. So much for Zumba. I just can't make it.
Anyways, Isaac's dad just got screamed at for insinuating that I wasn't putting forth an effort to get Isaac into a fall soccer program (backstory, I totally dropped the ball on sign-ups for his normal league, and it is too late for him to play. I have been scouring the internet, making phone calls etc, but everything is full, is for toddlers or is waaaaaaaaaaay too expensive. Now his dad wants me to go over to the fields of his old league and just linger around asking people if he can play. I'm not going to do that. I feel HORRIBLE about missing sign ups but when it really comes down to it, he will play in the spring and if he misses one season of soccer is it really the end of the world? No, it is not.).
Anyways, I ended up just straight up psychotically screamed at him about how come it's always up to me to figure this stuff out and he could just drive over here and linger around the soccer fields like a creeper if it's so freakin important to him and it's so easy for him to be critical when I am the one that does 98% of the parenting. He was being nagging and irritating, that was certainly not an appropriate response. He even said to me "If I was screaming at you the way you are talking to me how would you feel?" and I had to admit I would hang up on him.
My cavity is killing me. I MUST call and schedule my root canal I have been in denial about needing all summer now. It is to the point where the entire side of my head is radiating pain almost all of the time, which is certainly not helping my irritability.
Tomorrow is back to school night (for me as a teacher, not me as a parent). 13 hours of work. Ugh, enough said.
I haven't seen my friends or done anything social in several weeks due to wedding mania. This weekend I will be out of town again for my old college roommate Nicole's wedding in New York. That puts me out of town something like 5 out of the last 6 weekends.
I'm out of cat food.
My sink is filled with dishes and I am always out of clean spoons.
I have nothing creative to pack for lunch.
And poor Isaac. What I really need to do is slow down and make time to give him my complete and undivided attention. To stop hurrying him along rushing him in and out of clothes and in and out of the car and shuffling him from babysitter to babysitter. It's too much.
Anyways, I will end the whine-fest now. I'm going to forget the pile of work I brought home with me and just go to bed early. Yes my life is an out of control carousel but everything is harder to deal with when you are exhausted and lonely.
3 comments:
*hug*
I'm sorry you've had such a crappy week. I hope you can find some down time soon to just be yourself and feel normal and like a non-frazzled mommy again.
warning: the following analogy might ramble and not be complete, but i hope i manage to get the story across.
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i was reading a book about post traumatic stress disorder and it gave the analogy of how the femur bone is so incredible strong it can take XXX(cant remember the exact number, but its a lot)pounds of pressure. however strong it is, it is NOT unbreakable. given the right set of circumstances and enough weight, it will break.
it obvious you are strong, work really hard not only at your vocation, but at your calling as a mother. all these circumstances with the weddings and the start of school(and who knows what else) created the perfect storm in your life. cut yourself some slack, get some rest, and apologize to isaac's dad another day(he kind of deserved it, but maybe not at that intensity). things will calm down. deep breaths and all that other metaphysical crap :)
(((HUGS))) I can related to being spread too thin. It stinks. Hang in there, you are amazign and you will get through this too.
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