return to school/wedding mania

a) finishing the bare minimum of work to prepare for the opening of the school year. b) being a decent and attentive mommy c) eat/sleep Choose two of these.

pausing life tonight

Sorry for my departure from the blogging world. I just got back from a lovely getaway at the Jersey Shore for a week and I am ridiculously tan. I hope it lasts. Anyways, school is about to start again and I have done NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING to prepare myself. I've moved classrooms and everything I own is piled haphazardly into the closet of the new classroom. No welcome letters or social stories have been written, let alone mailed. Plus, I have to start work two weeks before Isaac starts kindergarten which adds another layer of balancing to the mix. I'm still trying to wrap up all of the loose ends of summer. My sister gets married in 5 days. There is barely any time left over to squeeze in yoga, regular excercise, seeing friends and an occasional date.

Life is a little dizzying right now but everything is great.

Here's a quick update:

Vacation

Vacation was lovely. There was an adjustment period of course to going from living in a big house with just Isaac to living in a very small house with 7 or 8 other people. Also, there was a bit of a mix up and there were not enough beds for all of us, which meant that I shared a full sized bed with Isaac for most of the time we were there. Five and a half is officially too old for cosleeping, in case you were wondering. BUT after the mandatory adjustment to communal living, it was a delightful getaway. My sister and her fiance were able to join us for the whole week. He is a great guy and it was fun to spend time with the two of them. It was a relaxing week with lots of icecream and fudge, walks on the boardwalk, late night games of Hearts, lazy days in the sun on the beach, and reading on the porch. I seriously love the Jersey shore. Here's a family picture.

Isaac

Isaac is such a big boy I want to die. Seriously, in my head I think of him as a little preschooler and the fact of the matter is he is a little boy. I'm sure it sounds psychotic but it's really hard for me to accept. Like, really hard. It makes me feel sad when I really reflect on him being school age now. I don't know. I have blogged about this a lot before but I feel like I spent so much of his young babyhood working and going to class and all of the stuff for grad school and I know that was important and what I had to do to make a good life for us, but I feel like I didn't get to fully appreciate those early times and now he is just this great big kid. It was so apparent this year while we were at the beach. He learned to boogie board and was riding waves like a champ with my siblings. He also learned to ride his bike without his training wheels. Here's a pic:

Conversely, I also feel a little bit like I am raising a teenager. He has been Mr. Attitude lately and so defiant. Constantly questioning me and argueing with me. Talking back. Straight up refusing to do things I tell him to. I don't know what to do. I feel a bit sheepish sometimes because he speaks to me in this condescending rude way and I know he is modeling the way I talk to him sometimes. I need to set a better example of respectful language and voice tone. But, I also need for him to understand that there are ways that are just not acceptable for any child to talk to any adult and that includes the way he interacts with me. It is hard though because he only is ever around grown ups so I don't think he really understands that. I don't want to be one of those parents that wants to be friends with their kids so badly they turn into a doormat. But on the other hand, it's just the two of us and I just want us to get along. I just feel like I am always in a battle with him anymore and negotiating with him over ridiculous things and it has to stop.

For example, today I went to the singles ward in the city. Afterwards his dad and I met up and did the Isaac switch-off. We pass right by the neighborhood in the city where my youngest brother lives. After consulting with Isaac we decided to head over to my brother's house and likely eat dinner. My brother was called and all was well. About two minutes later Isaac decides he no longer wants to go and begins whining/yelling about how Joe's house is boring, he's hungry and there will be no food there, I need to call Joe and cancel, etc. When we arrived there he refused to get out of the car. After coaxing him out of the car, he wouldn't come in Joe's house, etc. etc., on and on with him screaming at me, hitting me, refusing to do what I asked, etc. I couldn't figure out why he was being so stubborn and ridiculous about doing something he normally loves doing: visiting his uncle. It kept escalating and culminated in me totally losing my temper and spanking him (very rare occurance. I truly hate spanking and only resort to it a handful of times a year).

I'm truly horrified by his behavior. All of a sudden it's like he has turned into this ridiculously spoiled brat . I am open to real constructive strategies to implement. Please spare me the chuckling "This is what you get, he's every bit as stubborn as you were when you were a girl"-type advice or vague statements like "You need to show him who's boss". Of course, while I am typing this very paragraph he came out of his room all sleepy eyed and so sweetly asked me to cuddle with him in bed for a little. Melts my heart.

Dating

PDH ended up randomly getting in touch with me out of the blue. He texted me and then got all miffed when I didn't recognize his number. I was like "We broke up in February. It's July. I can delete your number from my phone if I want." We started occasionally talking and then we hung out recently which was interesting. We care about each other, I think there is potential to be good friends, but I have no desire to get back together with him and I think all of those feelings are mutual. He really is a complete and total child trapped in a 31 year olds body and it's solidly unappealing.

I've sort of put the other guy I was seeing on the backburner. I just don't feel up to playing the dating game at this point in my life. It's just too exhausting. Maybe there is something to be said about marrying young. If you get married when you are in your early 20s you have no life responsibilities or obligations and you can just focus on being together and cultivating your relationship. Once you get old you have to juggle carving out time for a relationship with all the crap of your daily life with all the emotional encumbrances you have collected as the years go on. Plus the person you are dating is doing the same thing, and you have to try to find someone who has baggage that matches yours (to take a line from Rent). It's a lot of work.* Maybe there is something to be said for the "We're 21 and in lurve!" model I see so much at church. *shrug*

* This basically the plot of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, an awesome movie I saw over the weekend. Highly recommend.

Awkward Sitch

I arranged with a friend for her to take two concert tix off my hands. We don't live toooooo far from each other but not tooo close and there isn't much reason for one of us to go to where the other lives. We agreed it would be easiest thing for us to exchange money and tickets via the US Postal system. I dropped the tickets in the mail a week before the concert (well over two weeks now). I let her know the day I did that so she would know to look for them and she indicated she would drop the money in the mail the next day. I left for the shore on Saturday (the day of the concert) and was sure I would come home after a week's worth of vacation to find an envelope with a check in my mailbox. But no check. I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate asking people for money. It's just so awkward for all parties involved. It is a relatively small amount of money so I don't want to come off as a nagging tightwad, but the truth is I am on a tight budget and even that small amount helps. Thoughts? Advice on a non-confrontational/naggy way to remind her about my moolah?

Anyways, that's about it for now. I have to go make my office habitable for humans. Specifically my sister's college best friend (who I have met once) who I will be hosting for a few nights around the wedding. Also, I still have one duffel bag to unpack from the beach, laundry piling up, and the list goes on and on. As always, I welcome your comments. Enjoy your week.

TheKnot

My sister's wedding website. Ch-ch-check it out. TheKnot

"I kill people and I eat hands... that's two things"

I've been very busy lately. With what? I'm still not sure. But anyhow, I'm catching up on my 30 Days of Me. Whatever Tickles My Fancy: This video. It is sort of twisted but Isaac and I have watched this video probably 75 times today. Everytime there is a quiet moment Isaac will quietly say "Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarl!" A Talent Pounding out IEPs at the last minute in a single sitting. A Hobby Yoga. My favorite new hobby/obsession. =)

A Recipe

This was Becky Moulder's Fabulous Raisin Swirl bread that we made one of our "get domestic" tutorials.

Perfect Swirl Raisin Bread 5 ½ -6 cups bread flour 1 packet (1 tablespoon) dry active yeast 2 ¼ cups milk ¼ cup Crisco/shortening (butter flavor or regular) 1/3 sugar 2 teaspoons salt 2 cups raisins 2 tablespoons cinnamon ½ cup sugar 4 cups powdered sugar (6x or 10x is fine) ¼ cup milk ½ teaspoon vanilla Combine 2 ½ cups flour and yeast in a large mixing bowl. In a 1-quart glass measuring bowl or microwave-safe bowl, stir together the milk, sugar, shortening, and salt and heat in microwave for about 3 minutes on HIGH until shortening is melted. The milk mixture should be about 100-110°F (bath temp). Let it cool for a few minutes if it is too hot. Add the milk mixture to the flour and yeast and stir well. Mix in the raisins and enough flour (generally another 2-2 ½ cups) to form a slightly sticky dough. Turn dough out onto lightly floured surface and knead for 3 minutes, adding more flour as needed. You usually won’t need all 6 cups. The dough should feel smooth and elastic at this stage, like a baby’s bottom.

Cover the dough with a clean dish towel and allow it to rise in a warm area until doubled in size, about 45 minutes. Once the dough has doubled, punch it down and divide it in half. Use a rolling pin to roll out each piece of dough into a rectangle measuring about 16” x 10”. Sprinkle each rectangle with a teaspoon of water and spread it evenly with your fingers (this helps the sugar and cinnamon to stick). Sprinkle each rectangle evenly with 1 tablespoon cinnamon and ¼ cup of sugar, making sure to spread both to all edges. Be liberal with the cinnamon; that’s where the elusive perfect swirl comes from! Carefully roll up each rectangle lengthwise, starting with one of the longer sides. Tuck the ends underneath the roll to form a long loaf and ensure that the seam is on the bottom so that the bread doesn’t unroll while baking. Transfer both loaves to a lightly greased baking or cookie sheet. You can also place the loaves on a lightly greased sheet of parchment paper before putting them on the baking sheet to save some cleanup time and make sure they don’t stick to the pan.

Preheat the oven to 375°F. Allow the loaves to rise again in a warm area until doubled in size, this time about 30 minutes. Bake the loaves in the center of the oven for 30 minutes or until nicely browned. The bottoms should also be slightly brown and the bread should sound hollow when tapped. Allow bread to cool. In a bowl or large plastic Ziploc bag, combine powdered sugar, milk, and vanilla. Mix or squeeze well to make a thick, but still pourable icing. Add more milk or powdered sugar as needed to get this consistency. Spread the icing over the cooled loaves using a spatula or cut a small hole in the corner of the bag and drizzle the icing over the loaves. Enjoy! You’ve earned it! A Website This cute tutorial for crayons letters...

That should catch me up for now. I'll post a life update soon.

art

A friend posted this on facebook and I LOVED it. Why can't I embrace that attitude more?

Random gym stuff

• Why every time do I go to the gym and I want to watch some Bravo is it super old reruns of Top Chef? I don't want to watch Carla and Hung. Give me some Kathy Griffin or some Bethenny Getting Married. Sheesh.
• Speaking of gym pet peeves what is with women my mom's age wearing THONGS to the gym. THONGS!!!!! Don't ask me how I know; I mean, it's obvious. You're standing right in front of me in your skin tight workout pants with obvious thong lines. incidently, I'm talking black leggings with lace at the bottom. **Shudder** Now don't get me wrong, I've been known to rock a thong. There are certainly times when it is appropriate. THE GYM IS NOT ONE OF THOSE TIMES!!! It's okay to have granny panty lines when you are sweating to death on a treadmill. Or better yet, wear pants that are a tiny bit looser. Sheesh. **Stepping down off soapbox**
• In other news, I've started a running regimen. Never in my whole life (even when I was skinny and in super in-shape) have I ever been able to run for more than a few minutes and I pretty much felt like I was going to die the whole time. I got sick of it though. I'm only 28 for crying out loud. There is no reason that I shouldn't be able to run a mile, despite my someone more rounded physique. Also, I can bike 20 miles. I know it's different muscles and stuff but if I can pound out 20 miles on the bike there is no reason I shouldn't be able to run ONE.
• So I am proud to announce that for the first time IN.MY.LIFE. I have been able to run more than a mile. Today I've built up to 17 straight minutes which is *almost* a mile and a half. I know, I'm sure there are serious runners reading this who are scoffing but it's a big deal for me. So anyways, I working on it. If I can keep progressing my goal is a 5k sometime in the fall. And at this point I would now say I would I have a love/hate relationship with running, as opposed to my former hate/hate relationship. I am finding myself looking forward to my running days. So that's fun.
• I'm also still loving yoga again. Unfortuneatly I haven't been able to go as much as I would like, because one of the classes is scheduled when the gym childwatch is closed.

Here are some of my favorite poses (I love the balance ones!):

Chair Pose

Tree pose

So fun and relaxing.

Do What You Have to Do

A song that makes you cry (or almost cry). Do What You Have to Do - Sarah McLachlan If I had to choose one song that encapsulates the experience of my pregnancy this would be it. For my entire pregnancy my plan was to adopt Isaac. Although that was my plan and my choice, it is a horrible conflict of doing what you feel is the best thing for your baby and not fully being able to understand how you will be able to go through with that. I don't think I will ever be able to hear this song and not be instantly transported to that time in my life.

It is interesting to note that Sarah McLachlan is adopted and has spoken about her experience and her support of open adoptions. So although I don't know if she has ever said for certain, I do think it is definitely possible that this song could actually be from the perspective of a birthmother.

What ravages of spirit Conjured this temptuous rage Created you a monster Broken by the rules of love And fate has led you through it You do what you have to do And fate has led you through it You do what you have to do ... And I have the sense to recognize that I don’t know how to let you go Every moment marked With apparitions of your soul I’m ever swiftly moving Trying to escape this desire The yearning to be near you I do what I have to do The yearning to be near you I do what I have to do But I have the sense to recognize That I don’t know how To let you go I don’t know how To let you go A glowing ember Burning hot Burning slow Deep within I’m shaken by the violence Of existing for only you I know I can’t be with you I do what I have to do I know I can’t be with you I do what I have to do And I have sense to recognize but I don’t know how to let you go I don’t know how to let you go I don’t know how to let you go

30 days...

A fanfic? No thanks.

How about another old school Isaac picture?

awww....

Non-Fiction

I just finished Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to fight Terrorism and Build Nations... One School at a Time by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin. It seems a logical pick for today's topic of a non-fiction book.

It was a great read, although it took me quite a while to get through it. It is heavy on Pakastani and Afganistani geography, customs, etc., which sometimes slowed down the pace of reading. But at it's core, it's a book about one man who is changing the world by devoting himself to educating women in one of the wildest parts of the world. I have been pondering a lot this summer how one person can really make a difference and this book really helped provoke a lot of interesting introspection.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:

"After attending a conference of development experts in Bangladesh, Mortenson decided CAI schools should educate students only up to the fifth grade and focus on increasing the enrollment of girls. 'Once you educate the boys, they tend to leave the village and go search for work in the cities,' explained Mortenson. 'But the girls stay home, become leaders in the community, and pass on what they've learned. If you really want to change a culture, to empower women, improve basic hygiene and health care, and fight high rates of infant mortality, the answer is to educate girls."

p.209 (emphasis added)

"In times of war, you often hear our leaders -- Christian, Jewish and Muslim-- saying, 'God is on our side.' But it isn't true. In war, God is on the side of the refugees, widows and orphans."

p. 239

"'I request America to look within our hearts,' Abbas continued, his voice straining with emotion, "and see that the great majority of us are not terrorists, but good and simple people. Our land is sticken with poverty because we are without education. But today, another candle of knowledge has been lit. In the name of Allah the Almighty, may it light our way out of the darkness we find ourselves in."

p. 257

"Mortenson urged Finley's readers not to lump all Muslim's together. The Afghan children flocking to refugee camps were victims, Mortenson argued, deserving of our sympathy.... The only way we can defeat terrorism is if people in this country where terrorists exist learn to love and respect Americans' Mortenson concluded, 'and if we can respect and love the people here. What's the difference between them becoming a productive local citizen or a terrorists? I think the key is education."

p. 258

"He likens Mortenson's returning to post 9/11 Pakistan, two months before Daniel Pearl's kidnapping and beheading, to New York City's firefighters rushing into the wounded World Trade Center. 'When Greg wins the Nobel Peace Prize, I hope the judges in Oslo point to that day,' Shimanski says. 'This guy Greg quietly, doggedly, heading back into a war zone to do battle with the real causes of terror is every bit as heroic as those fireman running up the stairs of those burning towers while everyone else was frantically trying to get out. "

p.273

fiction

I am assuming this means to review or recommend. Here are some fictional books I recommend that I have read in the past few years:

What do you recommend?