"subtle" youtube videos in place of blog titles...

This song makes me crank up the radio and car dance at red lights. . Poor Isaac. I wonder how long till he finds out that having your mom break into song and dance to the latest pop music is not really the norm. One thing I really miss about blogging at Myspace is all of their privacy settings. You could set certain entries to be viewed by anyone, or just certain people or whatever. I want to keep my blog open to anyone who cares to click on it, but I am pretty certain that like 70% of my readership is my mom and her friends. So how candid and real do I want to be when I’m writing to that audience? Eh. We’ll see. On the other hand, I enjoy blogging and the occasional "hey, girl, you're not crazy, I'm right here with you" comment that is tossed my way. And I know personally I would rather read something that is real, rather than the standard "So blessed!!" picture blogs.

So we'll see.

Let the trainwreck continue...

A few years ago I was blog stalking an ex boyfriend and stumbled across an entry about me, posted maybe a year or two after we called it quits. It did not mention me by name but it was very obvious (to me at least) that he was referring to me/our relationship/my imperfections. It was not pleasant to read. But fair is fair. Those were/are his opinions and his blog and and how can I be angry when I went looking for it?

I think you can tell where I am going with all of this.

Anyways, without further adieu....

I was pretty freaking generous in my last entry about the demise of the relationship between PDH and myself. We broke up because pretty much since I am doing 90% of the work and rather than address issues he'd rather put our relationship on indefinite hiatus. I mean, at least have the balls to really just end it with me. I guess I have to learn not to put all my eggs in one basket, I can be a terribly trusting person. I feel a bit blindsided because it seemed like one day everything was fine and then all of a sudden everything is just not what I thought. I'm under no delusions - I don't expect a relationship to be effortless, especially one with all of the issues I detailed in the last entry - but there are some basic things that shouldn't be an issue. Interest, for me, is one of those. The person you are dating should be someone you are interested in occasionally spending time with. So is being true to your word. If you say you're going to do something, do it, and if you're not interested, just say that. I can't take uncertainty and the confusion. From now on, I feel like that's going to be my first question.

I’m also left questioning the integrity of someone puts themselves out there by joining a dating site, who bothered to take the time to become friends with me first and pursued me while I was unsure if I was ready to date and slowly peeled back my layers until I let down my emotional guard. I just don’t understand how that same person suddenly seems to have no interest in putting in more than the absolute bare minimum of effort required to maintain a relationship. Why suddenly spending time together ranks below having your car tinkered with and watching Olympic hockey. Really? Really?!

(And, I'm just going to state the obvious here: this is why I am honestly terrified by the brief courtships and engagements of so many of my lds friends. How the heck can you really know someone till you have been with them for at least a year?)

The worst part is I feel like our relationship has turned me into a pathetic, desperate crybaby. And that's never been me....

meh...

Anyways, this blog will be back to it's regular od format of failed attempts at domesticity in about a week or so...

Until then, it's going to be a little heavy on the Alanis around here...