Quickly

How sweet is my friend Meagan for stopping by tonight with all of this?! Candy? Cookie mix? TOBLERONE?! Fresh flowers? It definitely cheered me up from my lonely mother's day. She is so thoughtful.

30 Day Challenge

If you have a facebook account it's pretty much inconcievable that you haven't come across the 30 Day Song Challenge. I figured I would do it in one shot here.

day 01 – your favorite song - Of course, I have to put the disclaimer: who can really choose a favorite song? But if push came to shove this would probably be it. Anna Begins by Counting Crows.

day 02 – your least favorite song - Anything by Train. I'm over Train.

day 03 – a song that makes you happy - Erasure - A Little Respect

day 04 – a song that makes you sad - Sarah McLachlan - Hold On (it just reminds me of sad times in my life)

day 05 – a song that reminds you of someone - Three Little Birds (or anything by Bob Marley, really) will always remind me of Isaac's dad.

day 06 – a song that reminds you of somewhere - John Denver - Take Me Home Country Roads. It reminds me of all of the times I spent in West Virginia during college. They always play that song at WV sporting events.

Day 07 – A song that reminds you of a certain event. This song by Beyonce makes me think of driving around South Street on a warm sunny night with a friend of mine. I let her drive my car and we just played this song over and over.

Day 08 – A song that you know all the words to

Day 09 – A song that you can dance to. Madison Avenue - Don't Call Me Baby

Day 10 – A song that makes you fall asleep My Time- Mackintosh Braun

Day 11 – A song from your favorite band - anything Counting Crows. There's already several here.

Day 12 – A song from a band you hate - anything Train. Look it up yourself.

Day 13 – A song that is a guilty pleasure

Day 14 – A song that no one would expect you to love... Rebecca Black - Friday. I really do!

Day 15 – A song that describes you The Offspring - She's Got Issues. Not the issues in the song. Just the title. I've got issues. Who doesn't?

day 16 - a song you used to love but now you hate. I went through a Stars phase for a while. Now I just get annoyed when anything from that album comes up on my ipod. (Stars - Dead Hearts)

day 17 – a song that you hear often on the radio Britney Spears - Till the World Ends (LOVE LOVE LOVE this one)

day 18 – a song that you wish you heard on the radio - Dashboard Confession (featuring Adam Duritz) - So Long, So Long day 19 – a song from your favorite album Counting Crows - St. Robinson and His Caddillac Dream

day 20 – a song that you listen to when you’re angry - It's not an "angry" song per say but Not Ready to Make Nice by the Dixie Chicks is one of my personal angry songs.

day 21 – a song that you listen to when you’re happy - Girl I'm Tryin' by J Brazil. It's silly but it's a happy fun song that I play a lot when I am getting ready to go out.

day 22 – a song that you listen to when you’re sad - Counting Crows - Catapult

day 23 – a song that you want to play at your wedding - The Cupid Shuffle. I want to see my mom, etc. doing it.

day 24 – a song that you want to play at your funeral - I would want to Rick Roll everyone at the funeral.

day 25 – a song that makes you laugh Will.i.am - Big and Chunky. Isaac and I sing it to each other all the time.

day 26 – a song that you can play on an instrument - none anymore. Isn't that sad?

day 27 – a song that you wish you could play n/a No desire to play an instrument.

day 28 – a song that makes you feel guilty I can't think of anything. Sometimes I feel mildly guilty for having some more graphic stuff my Lil Wayne on my ipod, but I like to listen to it at the gym. Sue me.

day 29 – a song from your childhood - Paula Abdul Straight Up

day 30 – your favorite song at this time last year - I'm not sure. Probably something by Owl City. I was pretty into Owl City last year.

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just keeping it real

I'm in a funk.

I miss Isaac.

I know he is having fun. I know he is safe and having the time of his life. I know I should be enjoying the time to myself that I always seem to covet.

But tonight.. I just miss him.

I also miss the rest of my family. I generally talk to my mom on the phone at least once a day. I talk to my dad at least once a week. I talk to or see my brother's frequently. I just feel lonely. Yesterday was the culmination of loneliness. Although it wasn't a major holiday, I don't generally spend holidays completely alone.

I stayed late at work tonight (till about six thirty), since I hadn't made any plans and didn't really have anything to come home to. Which sucks and just set the tone for a night of wallowing in ridiculous self pity.

I'm just overwhelmed by stuff. Which makes me feel sort of paralyzed. So instead of trying to deal with things I just bury my head passively in the sand and do nothing and my life implodes around me.

Okay, that's a bit dramatic.

But it's true more or less.

And I don't give into the temptation very often but today I got stuck listening to those old voices and just thinking catastrophically. (I have no friends, I'm unattractive, I will be alone forever).

It really hit me that I am almost 30. Which is just such a significant milestone-type birthday. I don't know. I just thought I would have more stuff figured out by now. Since I'm about to be a real full-blown adult. I just thought I would be more together.

Anyways, all of those thoughts resulted in me going on an emotion fuelled eating binge.

Which left me feeling even more disgusted with myself.

Which makes me feel even more unlovable and lonely.

And it spirals on.

In general I'm good at staying positive and being content. But tonight is not one of those nights...

Sunday Sunday

It's been a fun few days. Wednesday night Isaac left for my mom's to fly out to Orlando the next day. My dad sent me a few pictures of him. Here is one:

Looks like he is having a miserable time doesn't he? =P

Thursday I met up with my friend Jami for delicious Panera dinner and then ran back up to attend a school board meeting which ended up keeping me out till almost 11! Lots of drama with next year's budget and I like to be in the know when I can go. Friday I logged in a couple of hours after school with coworkers helping prepare for the art show. This year the theme is jungle/rainforest. I will try to take and post some pictures. The transformation is incredible. Then I went out to dinner with the Hilbert's.

Saturday I finally caught up with some stuff around the house. I got the Easter decorations put away, did some laundry, just generally tidied up. Around noon I met up with some coworker's to see Water for Elephants. It was our book group selection for the month (I had read it previously). The movie was good. I would give it 4/5 stars. Robert Pattison was great as Jacob and Reese Witherspoon was great as Marlena, but I felt like they lacked some chemistry together. She is so much older than him. I don't know. Then we went out to Olive Garden and had a delicious dinner. Our waitress was terrible but our food was good.

After that my next stop was Ikea. I got this painting for the office:

It's a pretty big canvas. I got a few other things too, including a much needed floor lamp and some new trashcans.

Then I came home and cleaned some more and talked to an e-harmony guy on the phone. We have been texting and e-mail for a week or two and he seemed really nice. On the phone... I don't know. I'm not trying to be mean... but... yeah...

Sunday I woke up and prepared my Sunday school lesson, only to have, once again, no one show up to hear it. I was kind of irritated so I peaced out before RS. Sunday was the day I really started to seriously get lonely without Isaac. It was a tiny bit depressing to not be with your mom or your child on mother's day. I did speak to them both on the phone though. I also went for a really long bike ride, took a nap and steam cleaned the seats in my car.

Anyways, have a great week.

????

Recieved this back today from someone on e-harmony. Not really sure what to make of it. Can you make heads or tails of it???

What do you most like to do on a day off? what i like to do n day oe thing like always when start me day or do after work day is going on a long walk. walking right by the steam that goes into little happy listioning to the water being lost in my own throughts. watching the brids as they fly trying to see each new on in a day. head out to movie or stay in for moive not. like send time with my family reading up a new page in my book and smiple just enjoy life and all that i can be thank full for

Are you doing what you love? If not, what would you rather be doing? while i love feeling of a hard days work. do what i can making better then when i started. to come home feel little tried yet not letting that stop me. just good smile on my face know i will head on a walk and all my pain will go away. as i can honestly say this frist time in long time that happy and feel good where i work a. as it also plays apart in doing what i love to do that is to draw

Describe the worst date you've ever been on. while worst date ever been on was on three way date with two sister me and my girl. reason why so bad older sister who was ride with lost the keys to car. as having hear he making out with guy talking about how she puts on a frist date so dam sick to know. call me and my girl her varigen babbies cant say things about them; suck outside in cold wait for my farther to come over to give us other keys so we can get the car home. as what made me so upset that day i had big dinner and all this other stuff planed for me and my girl that day this i can to chancel everything. just for the fact to make girl happy at the time to do this three way date thing neve doing that again

=)

"Mom, my foot smells like barbeque" --Isaac.

couldn't have said it better myself