This is what I need...

to make it through work today. And it's the end of the year, so tissues are a hot commodity at school.

thoughts on being a mom

These are my days:

But this is my life:

*bang, bang*

If listening to "The Warrior" by Scandal on repeat play for roughly an hour is wrong, I don't want to be right.... Whatever helps you keep your heartrate up, right? Even if it means embarassing yourself because you don't see your neighbor in his front yard with his dog at the moment you decide to belt out "Viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiictory is mine!"

...yeah

So I have a question for all you excerciser types out there.

What do you do to prevent this?

I'm hoping there is another answer besides "Wear thick dorky socks".

Will my heels eventually develp calluses?

Or will the insides of my shoes just forever be a bloody mess?

"Besties with testes..."

Pretty accurate, no?

50 random thoughts

1. I made enchildas and spicy rice for dinner.
2. It's rare that I cook on a school night.
3. However, today I took a sick day to get my teeth cleaned.
4. And to take Isaac to kindergarten orientation.
5. My mom had dressed him adorably in a light blue polo shirt and his red crocs.
6. He was so nervous.
7. He did seperate from me and go with his class.
8. I had to sit through a very boring presentation on kindergarten.
9. It was a mix of explaining kindergarten activities (yeah very familiar with those), and convincing us full day kindergarten is better than half day (very controversial in the district, but A-ok with me)
10. Isaac left very excited to start kindergarten.
11. He said his favorite part was doing "hallway hugs" and walking quietly to the classroom.
12. Not sure why this was more fun than riding the bus, hearing a story and playing and coloring in the kindergarten room, but whatever.
13. Of course, I forgot the camera.
14. But I WILL remember to send it with my mom for the first real day.
15. Whatdaya think of the new blog layout?
16. The header is a little craptastic but it will do.
17. I finished Anne of Green Gables today.
18. I started Anne of Avonlea immediately after.
19. They are such wonderful books.
20. Next I am going to Netflix the old PBS specials of them.
21. Or rather, ask my mom to Netflix them for me.
22. Obviously something like Nextflix would not be in the new and improved budget.
23. Isaac hurt himself in the bathtub tonight doing push-ups.
24. When questioned why, he answered "Because they make you healthy and strong".
25. True.
26. But who's kid is this anyways?
27. Clearly not mine
28. Or his dad's for that matter.
29. (just saying)
30. I feel like I have a terrible headcold.
31. But my eyes are itchy so it must be allergies.
32. Or I could possible have pink eye AND a head cold.
33. In which case, I definitely should NOT return to work tomorrow.
34. It was so lovely to sleep in today.
35. I'm giving Margie Clark an Undomestic Goddess shoutout.
36. She's a stealth reader apparently.
37. I really like my new dentist.
38. He and his wife have a practice together which I think is so cute.
39. I really can't wait for summer vacation.
40. I'm mentally SPENT.
41. I have some students this year who are real pickles and I think we would all enjoy a break from each other.
42. I also have some adults I could use six weeks break from.
43. Things can get tense in a non-air conditioned elementary school.
44. Especially when you add 26 five years olds to the mix.
45. This will be the first year though that I will be giving up students to other teachers in the building. Last year I kept them all and the ones I didn't keep all ended up leaving the school for various reasons.
46. It will be a little sad to see some of my guys as SECOND graders next year.
47. But whatever, life goes on.
48. I sucked up one of Isaac's toy cars in the vacuum.
49. I cannot find it in the hose or anywhere in the vacuum though.
50. The vacuum is still working at about 50% capacity though, so who knows.

"If you can't love yourself, how in the HELL you gonna love somebody else?" - Rupaul

Truer words were never spoken.

ick

(not actually me) =P

So I am an avid watcher of Intervention. When an addict's family is trying to help their loved one get into treatment, the counselor generally tells them that the addict must hit rock bottom. He then works with the family to set firm boundaries that can help speed along the process of the addict hitting a "bottom".

Well, I have been really, really struggling with my finances and budgeting and this weekend I sort of hit a bottom.

Not rock bottom, I'm not filing bankruptcy or losing my home or anything.

But I did hit sort of a bottom.

I ran home to my parents house in Lancaster to have a good cry with my folks and to sort through a huge stack of bills and try to get things in order. It was much easier to have someone help me deal with each sheet of paper and make a budget. Aside from the nuts of bolts of working in excel and crunching numbers we also had a pretty good talk about my life and the patterns it seems to follow.

Realities:

• A tactic I use often in my life is avoidance. I will physically avoid my problems (for example, not going to the mailbox, or not opening my bills) or just avoid thinking about them or dealing with them.
• Refusing to deal with my problems doesn't help me actually avoid the stress. It still manifests itself physically in the form of crippling headaches, upset stomachs and skin rashes. So best to just deal with things and ask for help.
• I am still trying to live the lifestyle that I lived when I lived at home with my parents/the lifestyle that my childless mortgage-less friends live. This cannot continue. I need to get into frugal mom mode ASAP.
• Along the same lines, I must learn to say no to other people, to Isaac and to myself. I do not have to take Isaac to every birthday party he is invited to. I do not have to buy candy/flowers/sandwich coupons to support my coworkers kid's fundraisers every time they ask. I do not have to attend every jewelry, candle, Tastefully Simple or retirement party for my coworkers. I do not have to attend every school function. I can't go out to eat with my girlfriends whenever they ask. When I'm hungry I need to go home and eat leftovers instead of going to Wawa. I can no longer kill an hour wandering around Target and tossing whatever catches my eye into the cart. I can't buy tickets for every concert or play that I would like. I simply cannot afford it. This one is really hard for me. I am not one of those mom's that revels in clipping coupons and going a year without a haircut. But it's time to get serious about cutting back.
• I'm not going to elaborate much on this one but you know that old expression "For every finger you point and someone else, there are three more pointing right back at you?" I think there is truth to qualities that I despise in others are the ones I might recognize within myself. It tough to deal with.

Then I had a lovely sleep in the pink spare room and went to church with them in the morning. I picked Isaac up from his dad's and brought him back there and we stayed for dinner and played outside. It was a lovely little retreat. Coming home this evening I feel better able to face things and I have some action items on my to do list that can help me move forward rather than just be stuck in a mire of anxiety and fear. So to recap, I have the best family in the world, I'm facing and dealing with my problems, and I can't go to the movies for the next three years at least. How was your weekend?