At the class we took when I was pregnant the instructor gleefully listed the numerous benefits of breastfeeding. One point she spent a great deal of time on was breastfeeding is FREE! At almost two weeks in, I have to respectfully disagree. Breastfeeding is only free if you feel that mom's time and sanity are worth nothing. Afterwards I expressed to the instructor that I thought I would be very overwhelmed by being the only person who can feed the baby and asked her what advice she had. She brushed off my concerns and really had no advice.
Breastfeeding is exhausting. She needs to eat about every three hours and it usually takes her 45 minutes to an hour to finish nursing. She has had a few random longer stretches at night (hallelujah!) but I always have to be "on call" so to speak to be ready to feed her. The few times we have taken her out I have been so nervous that she will demand to eat and I will end up nursing her in a dirty bathroom or the freezing cold car. I can pass her off to well meaning relatives or my husband to get a "break" but only for a little bit, because, ultimately, I am the only person who can feed her. As Ryan says when he is trying to cheer me along, "No one else gets those moments with her." To which I reply,"She has about ten of those moments a day. I'm happy to share some". It has been extremely overwhelming.
The happy lactation consultants also seriously downplay the toll breastfeeding takes on your body. My nipples are cracked and bloody. The other day I literally pulled a chunk of my flesh the diameter of a pencil eraser out of her mouth. They hurt constantly and some feedings putting her on is excruciating. The pain is far worse than any part of my surgery or recovery. It hurts to wear a shirt or have anything touch them. When I am struggling to get her on she punches and kicks them with surprising accuracy which literally brings tears to my eyes. They leave all those details out when they are telling you how magical and cozy breastfeeding is.
Use Lasinoh cream you say? I do. Religiously. I also made my husband drive me to Babies R Us and we went up and down the feeding aisle tossing any other product that looked like it might make feeding her easier into our cart: creams, gel pads, heat packs, cold packs. They have been okay for helping me cope but haven't done much to help me heal.
See a lactation consultant you say? I did. I desperately wanted her to say it was my positioning or her lips or something that could be fixed. But what she said was her latch is fine. I am not doing anything obviously wrong. Apparently nipples that look like hamburger meat are considered "normal wear and tear" as we figure out nursing. Keep on keeping on and it should get better.
So I am trying to hang in there but it is really hard. l want to quit everyday but I am just taking it one feeding at a time. Anyone have any advice or words of wisdom to offer me?
