What I Have Learned About Parenting Babies (So Far)
1. You could spend a small fortune on things for your baby. You honestly could. But you really don't need to. Babies (especially tiny ones) really don't need much. True story, when I brought Isaac home from the hospital he slept next my bed on a pillow in a laundry basket. What they do need, you can scrounge up. Almost everything we needed/wanted for Hannah we have been able to secure for free from church swaps, facebook yard sale sites and tons of stuff from a coworker whose kids are older: two excersaucers, a jumparoo, a high chair, two bumbo chairs, a doorway jumper, bottles, feeding supplies, burp cloths, etc. And of course, she likes the jankety swing we found on the side of the road with a "free" sign on it much better than the nearly 200 dollar swing handed down from the coworker. She could care less that it swings multiple directions, plays soothing womb noises and you can plug your ipod into it. We never got around to getting a crib mobile but she loved staring at our ceiling fan. It's easy to get carried away when you are pushing a cart around Babies R Us or pinning amazing nurseries. Keep it simple.
2. It's okay if you don't hear the angels singing the Hallelujah chorus when you first see your baby. Maybe it's just me. Labor and delivery is a really intense mix of anxiety and hormones and drugs and lack of sleep and the result of it may not be an instant rush of fierce motherly love for the screaming vernix encrusted little newborn they hold up to your face. But it will be come. From what I understand talking candidly to my girlfriends, it's also pretty normal at some point during that first day/night home with your newborn to think to yourself, "What on earth have I done? I just want things to go back the way they were".
3. Breastfeeding may be natural, but it's not easy. Breast is best. I know this. We all know this. I have chronicled my painful attempt at breastfeeding Hannah on the blog (three weeks of agony-- literally the most painful thing I have ever experienced). It's not as easy as the baby opens her mouth and you jam your boob in-- there is pillows and propping and positioning and baby's tiny mouth and flailing arms and suction, cracking, bleeding, cramping, leaking and engorgement.... I called the nurses in more than once as baby and I were both in tears while she was rooting around in a panic with my nipple already inside her mouth. Aside from how physically hard it is, I personally found it terrifically overwhelming to be the only person who could feed the baby, especially once Ryan went back to work after two weeks. Cut yourself some slack if breastfeeding is not the warm, glowy, easy experience the happy lactation consultants or your well meaning girlfriend described to you when you were pregnant. Everyone's situation is different.
4. Don't get too caught up in what you're "supposed" to do. For example, Ryan and I were determined we would not give Hannah a pacifier. Everything we read said it was supposed to impede on breastfeeding progress and I had nightmarish flashbacks to Isaac still using his at almost age 3. "Not going to happen this time around. No plastic comfort object for our little princess," we said confidently. When Hannah came back from the hospital nursery with one inside her little isolette on our second night, we threw it in the trashcan in self righteous anger. Flash forward 24 hours when I made Ryan fish it out, wash it off and give it to her. We discovered that Hannah had a very, very strong need to suck to be comforted and since we weren't offering her a pacifier, I was becoming the pacifier (see number 3-- intense pain). Whether it's trying to decide how to get your baby to sleep, or how to feed him, or any number of things, you will find that everyone has an opinion. Don't get caught up comparing milestones and parenting styles, but trust your gut about what is best for you and your family.
5. It's okay to want to go to work. And it's okay if you don't want to, too. I had a lot of different feelings both times I returned to work after having my babies. With Isaac, I dropped him off at daycare and expected to feel crushing guilt and found that I had an odd sense of relief as I drove into campus for my first day back. With Hannah, it was not that easy. There have been times when I have called the sitter to check on things and have heard baby crying in the background and it was a stab to the heart. But I don't feel guilty saying I enjoy my job and I was excited to go back. There is something about office life that appeals to the human need to accomplish things, a need which seems to never be fulfilled on maternity leave. Jonny's IEP-- check, it's done. Lesson plans for the week-- check, they are complete. Parenting a newborn is the opposite of that. It's endless circles of laundry, rocking the baby to sleep, diapering, feeding, bathing. It's work that never really gets done, and, honestly, is a bit monotonous and isolating. I was desperate to talk to grown-ups both times I was on maternity leave. But on the other hand, there is a real biological need to be with your baby when they are little. I remember I would count down the days until it was Isaac's visitation weekend with his dad, when I could finally, finally get a break. And then after about an hour or two I would miss him terribly. Again, to work or not to work is one of those things that everyone has an opinion to share and there is plenty of guilt to go around. Try to minimize contact with people who are not supportive of whatever decision you reach.
6. Just because you've done it before, doesn't mean you remember any of it. Ryan and I already had 4 kids between us when Hannah was born. One time the nurse in the hospital made an offhanded remark about how she didn't need to go over bathing a newborn, since we had done it before. Both of us were like "Please! Review it with us!". When Hannah started drooling like crazy and my mother in law suggested it could be teething. Ryan and I both looked at each other and shrugged. Record things. Write stuff down. Snap pictures. Read the parenting articles. You won't remember it later.
Linking up with Molly and Carly
