Lots of tears...

Why does it have to be so hard to find good childcare??? Isaac has been at his new school for about a month now and it's not going well. Here are my issues:

• He's miserable. He cries at drop off which he never did and he tells me he cries all day. He also tells me he plays by himself and not with the other kids and from what I have observed at drop off and pick up, this is true. I expected tears at the beginning. He doesn't do well with transitions and saying good-bye. At his other school his teacher was very warm and friendly and great at distracting him and drawing him into whatever the group was doing. At his new school he is ignored until it is time for me to cross the threshold when the teacher comes over and restrains him as she slams the door. I generally go around the corner and wait a few minutes, hoping I will peek in to see him playing or working but he continues to stand there all alone sobbing pathetically and being completely ignored. This is the very worst one for me. If my kid has to be away from me for eight hours a day I want it to be at a place he is liked and he is happy.

• Food. They have an onsite cook and they provide lunch at no charge. The problem is their lunch is it. They allow no outside food because of concerns with allergies, etc. I get the allergy thing. I really do. At his last school there was a kid in his class who was literally allergic to almost everything (nuts, soy, eggs, meats). Isaac is an extremely picky eater and for the first week or so at school he was eating nothing all day. Apparently they have no alternatives and they feel that preschoolers want to eat things like chicken stir fry. Also, a copy of the menu is not sent for home for parents. It is posted in the classroom and you are just supposed to memorize it. I put my foot down and said that my kid was not going to go from 7:30 to 4:30 and not eat anything and I insisted on sending a lunch in. I have been sending in pre-packaged foods (like lunchables) with food labels so they can be aware of any allergens. The other day I sent a lunchable that had two very small cookies. The cookies were still in his lunch bag when I picked him up. I asked him how come he didn't want his cookies and he said "The teacher said no desserts allowed." How stupid is that???

• Lack of communication. At his last school they went above and beyond in terms of communication. I got a full sheet on Isaac specifically each day and the back had a typed up summary of what the class did that day. I also got a weekly newsletter from his classroom and a weekly newletter from the school. I have not recieved anything so far from his school. I asked today and was told that I should recieve a monthly newsletter. For the younger ones they do a daily sheet but that by preschool they "expect the kids to tell their parents about their day". I tried to explain that Isaac was not able to reliably tell me things I want to know things like did he eat or not or did he cry all day and there is no one left at the end of the day who can tell me that. She then said "Yeah he doesn't seem like a communicator. Even with kids and teachers in the classroom he doesn't communicate." The way she said made it seem like Isaac is autistic or has communication problems. Isaac does not have problems communicating-- he has a huge vocabulary and he is very used to talking to adults since he has grown up in a household of adults. The problem is he is shy and uncomfortable!!!

• General unfriendliness/lack of structure. I'm not greeted warmly. Isaac is not greeted warmly. My concerns are addressed in a way that seems to imply that I am being difficult. One day Isaac had an accident during naptime and I was told that "He refused to use the toilet before nap". The assistant is always leaning against the front cabinet monitoring the kids but never interacting. The other day she was actually filing her nails when she walked in. I have dropped off and picked up at several different times and while the kids are always engaged it always seems to be free play. Is this a summer thing? Isaac never comes home with papers or art projects. What the heck are the kids doing all day? Evidently Isaac is supposed to be telling me this.

So now I feel really horrible. School starts tomorrow for me and I just don't know what to do. I am literally in tears after every drop off and pick up. I don't know if I should try to find another preschool in Pottstown or what. I looked into most of the local ones and this one seemed to be the best. In a desperate moment I did call his other school. They said they would be happy to take him back but they are soooo far away. That would mean driving 1/2 hour out to Oaks, then 1/2 hour back to Pottstown to go to work, then an hour after work each day to pick him up. Tons of wasted gas and time spent in the car, leaving the house earlier. And it seems so silly when I live and work in Pottstown to keep him in Oaks. but it is only a year and it might be worth it for the peace of mind of knowing he is happy and well cared for and liked. Also, next week he will moving up to the Pre-K classroom which will be the same kids but a new classroom and new teacher. Should I hold out until then? Should I send him back to the fabulous but faraway Bright Horizons? How long should I give it?

Any thoughts or advice are much appreciated.

Why does being a mom have to be sooooooooo hard????