so...

Not so secret confession: I'm really tired of being alone.

I really want to find someone that I can date seriously.

It's hard to even admit it, because I really love my life and overall, I'm quite happy. I don't want to dismiss all of the great things that are in my life, because I am so focused on the one thing I don't have. I'm not depressed. I'm not desperate. But I'm lonely.

Old college boyfriend (WJM) and I occasionally frequently probably way more often than is healthy, find ourselves commiserating on a Saturday night over the bleak reality of the dating scene in your 30s. Anyways, he has suggested over and over that I need to have a hobby that is not related to work to meet more people organically (as opposed to something totally contrived, like an online dating site). WJM has tons of hobbies and is involved in so many different things. I know in his eyes I am a super boring homebody with nothing exciting in my life at all, which isn't a totally fair assessment. However, I've considered his advice a bit. I think I do have hobbies but the problem is they are all solitary ones, or girly ones. I like crafting, cardmaking and sewing.

I do social things: I like to go out dancing (with my married girlfriends to dance clubs in the Gayborhood... hmmm..), I'm in a book club (with coworkers), I spend a lot of time with friends (who are literally all married and engaged except for 2... seriously... I have *2* single girlfriends). I have friends in the city I see once or twice a month and local friends that I see frequently too, but I don't really have many opportunities to meet people beyond my existing circle of friends. I'm not the kind of person that can just approach a stranger in public. And don't suggest church activities. There is no one to meet at church. No exaggeration. For over a year I was in charge of the activities for local single people. There were only 3 guys that came regularly: one was 9 years younger than me and the other two had intellectual disabilities. The LDS social scene for a woman over 25 in the western Philadelphia suburbs is a barren wasteland.

Plus, when you are a mom, you're kids become your hobby. I love soccer, swim lessons, and spending time in the park, but those activities are hardly ideal for mixing and mingling with single men. And I don't even want to come off like I am complaining about that. For a mom, I think I get a considerable amount of "me time", especially compared to married moms with multiple kids. Isaac spends at least every other weekend with his dad. My mom comes in frequently to spend time with Isaac. If there is something I am desperate to do, I can usually arrange for a sitter without too much trouble. I make it to my book club most months, I can usually stop into after work happy hours/get togethers at least for a little to socialize with coworkers, I'm doing grad classes. Although Isaac isn't crazy about the kid's room at the gym, I can more often than not I can persuade him to go so I can squeeze in Zumba or a quick workout.

I am not going to pretend to be something I'm not. I'm not going to join some motorcycle club or something just to try to meet people. I don't know. I guess the bottom line is, I am willing to push out of my comfort zone and try new things, but I don't think that should have to reinvent myself to find someone that I have things in common with. Is that asking too much? The past few guys I have gone on dates with have all concluded that I'm a great girl who deserves someone nice.... so where is he?! I'm not getting any younger

Anyways, I'm not trying to whine or complain. I'm not desperate, but I don't know what else to do. Anyone with serious suggestions, I am open to them.

11 in 11

11. Favorite movie you watched: I've seen some good ones. Recently I've enjoyed The Station Agent. Exit Through the Gift Shop. I like Bridesmaids too. And Black Swan. Did that one come out this year? I think so.

10. Favorite TV series: I've been watching The Biggest Loser (via Netflix) non-stop lately. It's so inspirational! Isaac and I love The Big Bang Theory too.

9. Favorite restaurant: I recently tried the Sunflower Cafe in Pottsgroveish area. Loved that. And I continue to love Tria and anything Stephen Starr.

8. Favorite new thing you tried: Twitter. I like it! Also Spotify which is also two thumbs up.

7. Favorite gift you got: I had a fabulous 30th birthday party with friends in the city. That was the perfect night.

6. Favorite thing you pinned: I don't pin. I know, I can't be a TBM.

5. Favorite blog post: I like Advice for New Teachers.

4. Best accomplishment: Finally getting on track to get my second certification.

3. Favorite picture: Oh I don't know. All of my got deleted in the Great Google Plus picture fiasco of 2011. This one makes me smile:

2. Favorite memory: 2011 had a lot of great memories. Running around the city with my sister was a great memory. You can read about that here.

1. Goal for 2012: Not go crazy. Seriously.

quick Christmas update

Our Christmas was lovely. It started out like this: and ended up like this:

Isaac got lots of great presents. This racecar track was a big hit with kids of all ages.

We had lots of fun with the dogs this year too. Especially Tom's puppy Giselle.

Better size comparision:

I look like a creeper in pictures I am in by myself, but I love that this puppy likes to be held like a baby.

Isaac's dad and grandfather drove out to join us for a few hours. We haven't taken a picture of the three of us in several years.

So... which side of the family do you think Isaac resembles?

Isaac with his two grandfathers:

Hope your day was Merry and Bright!

December business, blah blah

I've been working out a lot lately, in an effort to somewhat counteract some of the delicious holiday goodies that are tempting me at every turn. I feel myself getting a little blue, so I have been pushing myself to get out to the gym more. Working out makes me feel happier and better about myself. I have some time off of work this week and I'm going to change it up by throwing in some extra yoga and Zumba classes.

So I mentioned that I went on a few dates lately. He was a very nice guy, and actually perfect on paper. He had almost every quality that I would potentially want but there was just something about him that didn't click well with me. So I guess I don't know what I actually want. I've actually had a few good phone conversations with old college boyfriend about that. We both seem to be turning to each other (as friends) as we try to navigate dating in our 30s. It's rough out there.

I picked up this little candle at Target and it smells so yummy. It's also only like 6 bucks, so way cheaper than a Yankee Candle.

Seriously. I want to eat it.

Isaac's dad approached me about Christmas. Historically, Isaac wakes up with my family at my parent's house and then usually at some point in the early afternoon he goes with his dad for the evening. This year Isaac's dad and his grandfather asked to join us for Christmas day. I've never met Isaac's grandfather on that side. He is from Sierra Leone but he is spending the next year or so here in the states living with Isaac's dad. He is Muslim and I don't think really observes Christmas, but wants to spend the day with Isaac. Isaac really loves him though and talks about him a lot. It will be a little bit awkward to share the holiday with them, but I think it will be really nice for Isaac to have all of his family together for the holiday. (Sorry mom if you are reading this before I had a chance to tell you-- I've tried to reach you all weekend!)

As far as Christmas stuff, I feel like I'm a day late and a dollar short on Christmas this year. I'm not done my shopping yet, which is unprecedented for me. I've still got to pick up my parents' presents and get a few more things for Isaac. I didn't get my Christmas card together in time to do a photocard. I did make quite a few holiday cards though, so they are together at least. Most of them are even mailed. I have a few more addresses to get together for cards, I need to organize gifts for my coworkers, and for Isaac's teacher and daycare workers.

I picked up a copy of The Poisenwood Bible with a gift card I got for my birthdat. Hopefully once I'm done school I'll have a chance to read it before the new semester starts. I'm taking two classes in the spring unfortuneatly because of the way some things worked out. I will be taking a math methods class and a class for teaching ELL students. So at least they are interesting classes. I'm nervous about doubling the amount of time I have to spend away from home on campus as well as increasing my grad school workload. Fortunately the bulk of my IEPs and other work stuff should be over, so hopefully it will balance out in the end. We'll see.

Anyways, I'm off. Happy Sunday!

...

source

so... what's been going on lately?

Just a quick update....

I had a nice weekend. I went on a blind date Friday. I wasn't 100% sold, but he was a very nice guy and I will probably see him again. I'll leave it at that for now. My mom and I did some Christmas shopping on Saturday and then I hung out with my girlfriends Saturday night. I had about an hour drive home and I ended up talking to old college boyfriend for the whole time to pass the time. It was a nice conversation and the whole day just made me feel so happy and grateful at all of the good friends I have in my life now. I remember after Isaac was born and genuinely feeling like I had no friends at all. I'm so glad to have such great people around to support me.

Sunday I picked up Isaac and then went to visit this adorable doggy:

a miniature daschund Giselle that my brother just adopted. She is SO SWEET and adorable. She absolutely melted my dog hating heart. I wanted to smuggle her out in my purse.

Work has been CRAZY lately. The forecast has a chance of snow later in the week and NOTHING would make me happier than a 2 hour delay. =P

I finally got in with my advisor at Albright and it has sent me into a big panic. I have quite a bit of work in front of me and the matter of the student teaching requirement from the state still has not been settled. I also have to take another Praxis exam. It's quite overwhelming and it's hard to not be discouraged.

I know I am so late to the party, but I just discovered the Biggest Loser (watch instantly on Netflix will be the death of me). I kind of love it, although I may or may not have watched two episodes tonight while eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's frozen yogurt.

boring

So I haven't been a great blogger lately.

Everything is fine; nothing is out of the ordinary but nothing is exciting or note-worthy. Being the token single friend in basically all of my social circles, I feel like people expect me to provide them with exciting tales of the bad dates and random escapades of my life as a exciting girl out on the town. Maybe it's the fact that I'm 30 now but I've got nothing.

Nothing at all.

Eating a fistfuls of chocolate chips while refreshing Twitter and watching episodes of Psych on Netflix on a Friday night doesn't make for very entertaining stories.

The fact of the matter is I'm lonely. I'm tired of being by myself. And I don't have any more ideas on how to fix that.

Anyways.

Thanksgiving was lovely. Just like last year I essentially slept the day away. I slept late. Got up, ate breakfast, and then went back to bed, pretty much up until we ate dinner. I don't know why. I had no business being so exhausted. But I guess I needed the rest. Isaac spent the day playing NBA Jam with my brother. We had a lovely dinner and then I went to bed early.

The night before Thanksgiving I met up with my good friend from college, Nicole and some of her family at an Irish pub. She is from Lancaster and now that is where my parents live, so it's been a nice way to catch up with her when we are both visiting family. I always feel a tiny bit of anxiety when I see her now, just because she (and all of her family and friends) are so successful and gorgeous and thin. The most ironic part-- she works for Weight Watchers (corporate office). The pub we met at had approximately 449045840958340985 people in it. I wore cords and a long sleeved cotton shirt and was disgustingly sweaty within 3 minutes of walking in. Like my hair plastered to the back of my neck, sweat rolling down my spine, armpits straight up soaked, which just made me feel even more self conscious and gross. Aside from that, it was fun to catch up with Nicole. Even though we don't see each other often, she really has been a great friend to me over the years.

Latest obsession: Spotify. I've been on a Broadway kick (probably from my latest visit to the piano bar and catching up on Glee)-- the soundtrack to Les Mis is blasting right now. I've also been listening to the Indigo Girls a lot lately (Staring Down the Brilliant Dream has been playing constantly in the car since I went to their concert). The other day I overheard Isaac singing "Get Out the Map" and when I started cracking up he was like "What?! Some of their songs are really catchy!"

I only have one more class/project and then I am done with grad school for the semester. It's been a good class and I've learned a lot about how to use different software (even though I doubt my district will be able to afford a lot of that software for another ten years or so). I'm glad I was able to work things out so I am only taking one class at a time though. Even one class can be a lot to juggle. I have an advising appointment coming up and then I can register for next semester's class: The English Language Learner. Should be interesting.

In a quest to save some money I called the cable company to have them cut the cable. I seriously never watch TV (Netflix all the way!) and it seemed like such a waste to keep paying for it so that I can let the occasional guest flip on ESPN. Turns out that I get a good deal by bundling my internet and cable, and if I cut out the cable, I will only be paying 10 dollars less for internet. So I figured I may as well just keep it. Seriously, this is how boring my life is. I've resorted to blogging about my cable bill.

Anyways, I should wrap this up and head to church. Have a great day everyone!