heavy things

"For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time... deliverance [will come] from another place....Who knoweth whether thou art come... for such a time as this?" --Esther 4:14

I was reminded of that verse last weekend at Time Out for Women in the 'burgh.

It reminds me of a current work situation. Remember this post?

Well they posted a recent update that she failed to show up to court and is now considered a fugitive. I take a little comfort in that, knowing that it will keep the kids out of her care for longer.

I am in the midst of another horribly sad situation at my school along the same lines (abuse/neglect) which brought this scripture to mind again. That is definitely the hardest part of my job. I don't want to post about particulars, but the day that I came to a full understanding of what home life looks like for one of my little defenseless kindergartners. I literally became physically ill and could barely move off my mom's couch for the evening. I'm a really sensitive person and that aspect of my job isn't something that I have gotten any better at coping with. More than once I have had to ask for the person to stop providing me with the details if there is nothing that is going to change for them. I just cannot handle it.

Anyways, CPS were only called for the first kid because of the persistance in me and my assistants in documenting signs of neglect. We are in a similar pattern with the current situation. This student's caregiver stormed into the school and was very upset about our reports. I guess she is feeling the heat finally. My principal explained that we are mandated reporters and that we will continue to report things. It is up to the authorities to make the decisions and judgements about what we report to them.

I don't think I could rest at night if I knew I wasn't doing everything in my power to to ensure the safety and well being of each of my students. The things you see/hear about just break your heart.

As the verse says, I can be quiet and deliverance may come from another place but with such a transient population and so many kids off and on my caseload, who's to say our paths didn't briefly cross for this exact purpose? Especially with this particular situation, I really feel like God prepared me and softened my heart (and other people as well) to be more aware of things that had been overlooked previously.

I feel like I am not being terribly eloquent. I hope you got where I am going with this. It's something I sort of wanted to process and get out.

Resolution Report

Here's the list of 2010 Resolutions and progress made:

• Ride my bike to work at least once Definitely possible in terms of distance but I don't know if it is feasible in terms of not dying. The roads I would have to take don't have shoulders and are very busy. Plus I would have to cross a narrow bridge and the sidewalk part of it is closed. AND people in Pottstown just are not used to dealing with bikers on the road. It's not off the table though if I got up really early.
• Organize office, craft, sewing and scrapbook supplies and start using the office as a functional craft space In progress. The closet still looks like a bomb hit it. But I did unpack the sewing machine and make very small inroads on the organization front.
• Finish painting the rest of the house The living room is now painted. This only leaves the hallways, my bedroom, and the powder which is painted but that I already want to repaint. So I am making progress on this one.
• Make a loaf of bread from scratch
• Go one week without the internet I'm counting it. --->Completed 1/15
• Take at least one mural tour in Philly I couldn't do this one until spring (they don't give the tours in the winter). Now my Saturdays are filled with soccer. But I am going to at least get it on the calendar soon. Anyone want to join me??
• Fly a kite Isaac and I busted the kite out the other day for fun and discovered the dowel that goes across the width of the kite is missing. I will have to try to fashion a replacement. That was sad.
• Scrapbook 3 pages a month EPIC FAIL. Haven't done a single page this year. Probably because all my supplies are such an unorganized mess (see previous unfinished resolution).
• Work out twice a week Yeah... ummm... I haven't hit this every time.
• Start composting I did a bit of research on this and talked to my gf who composts and lives in an apartment and she gave me some good tips. But I have yet to actually do anything to start.
• Take Isaac camping
• Drink 8 glasses of water a day Very hit or miss. If I remember to bring my water bottle into school I do better. Otherwise it will be like, 8 at night and I will be like, "Why the heck am I so parched?" and then I will realize I have drank, like 2 glasses of water all day.
• Take a class on something hobby related Not yet, unless you count me going with my friend Jami to her adult gymnastics class. My composted girlfriend did invite me to an urban bee keeping class but I couldn't make it. Not sure that is the hobby I want to tackle right now anyways. So, this one is still incomplete.
• Make progress towards getting my elementary certification (right now I am highly qualified in elementary ed, but it is more desirable to be dually certified) No and I MUST do something to get rolling on this over the summer.
• Floss daily Another total and complete FAIL. I have yet to floss in 2010. I know, it's terrible. I have a dentist appointment in a week and I fully expect to be reamed out and lectured about gum disease.
• Read three books before I head to the beach I am about 1/2 way through Anne of Green Gables (reread) and halfway through The Total Money Makeover. I can only read that one in small bursts, because while it is very inspirational, it makes me feel terrible about the state of my finances.
• Eat more homemade meals and less frozen stuff and fast food Slight improvement but still a long, long, long way to go.
• Grow something edible and eat it I had a basil plant growing on my window sill for this exact purpose but the cats ATE it. So back to the drawing board on this one.
• Write a blog post when each of these is completed will do...

How are you doing with your resolutions?

Not Me Monday...

Did NOT go out with girlfriends last Saturday for a cheap evening out on the town, at a coffee shop in Wayne. I did NOT decide to go ahead and make a left hand turn because I was in a hurry and there was clearly no traffic coming, despite about three signs informing me lefts were not allowed. I'm a very careful driver who always obeys all traffic laws and posted signs. I did NOT promptly see lights in the rear view and get issued a ticket. While sitting there waiting and waiting for my ticket I did not start to panic at the amount of time it was taking for him to write it up. I have NOT had so many tickets that I would have an understanding of the average amount of time it should take to issue a ticket for a simple traffic violation. I did NOT start wracking my brain for other things he could potentially be arresting me for (am I up to date on my property taxes??) The officer did NOT issue me a second ticket for having an expired registration. My registration did NOT expire in January. It is NOT currently the end of April. (whoops) The "cheap" night out with girlfriends did NOT end up costing me over two hundred dollars in tickets.

=)

and I thought I overshared on the internet...

My "friend" on facebook (read: old acquantance from the singles ward) just posted pictures of her and her husband right up for any old person to see. She is in a lace-up spandex dominatrix type outfit holding a whip and he is shirtless, handcuffed and kneeling in front of her. TMI! TMI! TMI! Thank goodness she and her husband are not in my church congregation anymore. I seriously don't need to see that!!!

Thought of the Day

Sometimes things are not what they seem....

You Know You are a Single Mom When...

--Your child, as a small toddler, is able to point out familiar fast food places on the road as you pass them and shouts out what you would order from there ("Medium Diet Coke!" or "Nachos Del Grande!") -- You've had to call your credit card company before you head out to the store to make sure your card won't be declined when you go to pay -- Popcorn in a bag purchased at Target has (at times) been deemed an acceptable dinner option -- You are expert of the downlow phone calls while driving, because you are forced to forever multi-task on your way to soccer, doctor, grocery store, etc.

-- When you are at work you are trying to do personal stuff (figure out how to take time off for dentist appointments, calling those people who are only around during business hours). When you are at home, you are trying to finish up work because you can't come in early or stay late like the other teachers.

-- Along the same lines, when you have to take a sick day and send the little one to daycare anyways, just to go to the doctor's office and get a hair cut in peace.

-- The daycare sends home father's day cards to mom.

-- You turn on the TV for noise when he's at his dad's for the weekend, because the house seems a little too quiet. -- Your car is a rolling apartment with snacks, drinks, changes of clothing, crayons, paper, books, a folding chair, a case of bottled water, action figures, trash bags, etc. -- You find yourself wanting to strangle the chick in RS who says "Well since my husband is in dental school/works long hours/travels a lot I'm basically a single mom." Girl, you have no idea. -- Your Netflix movies are, like, seven months old because you never have time to watch them. --Your five year old is unphased sitting on the stool waiting and watching while you get your eye brows waxed. -- You look forward to your weekend "off" but then find yourself working four hours later because you can't bear to go home to an empty house and then when you do get home, you are so exhausted you fall asleep before ten o'clock with the lights all on and the computer in your lap. So much for being a swingin' single... -- You start finding children's TV characters sort of attractive (overlooking the fact that they are clearly gay):

-- Your siblings see your name on caller id and answer the phone with "I already have plans this weekend, I can't babysit"....

-- Your son recognizes the symbols on bathroom doors, but thinks the women's one applies to him, because you are too terrified to let him use a public bathroom alone. -- You are fine with the fact that when navigating through your living room you will forever trip over a mess of small legos, blocks, action figures, soccer cleats, etc.

Anyone have anything else to add to the list?