Wow-- long time no blog

It's been a long time since I blogged. I don't even know where to start. Work is EXHAUSTING. There is more work to be done than is humanly possible and I literally spend nearly every waking hour doing stuff for school. I hope it gets better, because if I have to do this for a whole year I will go absolutely insane. I have no balance in my life. I am so stressed about it all the time. If I wake up in the middle of the night I can't go back to sleep because my mind starts racing about stuff for school. I wake up nauseous from stress every morning and I can't usually bring myself to eat anything until snack time with the kids. By Saturday night I am already sick in anticipation of Monday. It's hard. The other day I saw a mailman delivering mail and I found myself longing to work for the postal service. How sad is that? I miss Isaac. He is such a sweet little boy and my time with him now is so fleeting. It makes me feel horrible. If I can't make him more of a priority then what is the point of everything I'm doing? Fortuneatly he is mommy's angel and the kid cracks me up on a regular basis. My mom bought him a goldfish which he has named Dorothy and he is crazy about it. He came in my room sometime between six and seven yesterday with a little green net asking if he could clean the fish bowl. He is also starting to understand our family dynamics a little more. He understands now that Grandpa is my dad (he used to insist that grandpa was his dad). Now when Grandpa walks in the door Isaac will say "Mommy, you're dad is home!" and then laugh hysterically like it's a joke. He still doesn't have a clue about my mom. He has told me more than once that my mom is his OTHER mommy. While this is essentially true, I would rather him not going around telling people he has two mommies. People might get the wrong idea. I had a good talk with my dad last night (while cutting out seven feet of lamination). We have decided unless we find a cheap little house less than 5 miles from my parents I am going to keep living here until Isaac is ready to go to school. It just makes more sense. Although a part of me is disappointed, a part of me is relieved. They have plenty of room for me and it would add a whole new dimension of stress to my life to be on my own right now with Isaac. I have come to the conclusion that I would like to buy some cowboy boots. I was putting away some of my summer clothes and pulling out some of the fall/winter stuff and I decided that my wardrobe is seriously lacking some cowboy boots. Changing our closets over from season to season is one of my favorite things to do. I love culling out the old stuff and packing up all the shoes and pulling out all the new stuff. Fall is definitely in the air now, and I am looking forward to high boots and sweaters. I have a celebrity crush on the rapper T.I. How terrible is that? Well I supposed I should get ready for church...

quick update

My new job is exhausting but is going better and better. I am getting acclimated and into a routine but it has been completely and utterly EXHAUSTING. I have been getting there an hour or so early and staying an hour or so late and then thre hours of work before bed. I hope it gets better!! Have any of you been watching Tabitha's Salon Takeover on Bravo? It's my new guilty pleasure. I love it. Isaac is spending the night at his dad's tomorrow which is scarey and exciting. It would be nice to have the option to send Isaac there if I ever wanted to go away for a weekend or something. Mean while, I will be going skating and then sleeping as late as I want to for the first time in, about two years. I think the last time I could sleep as late as I want, was when I went to visit my aunt in California and left Isaac home with my mom. More soon.

Aww how cute

A cute picture from our girls day breakfast at the shore, right before I jetted off for my job interview. Left to Right, My fabulous Aunt Kathy, Kami, Jenny, me and my Mom.

Officially: EMPLOYED

* I am totally revolted by the "meatatarian" commercials for Burger King's Baconator. I am by no means a vegetarian, but the commercial is so revolting. Who could eat so much meat on one little bun? * Isaac was giving me orders from the bathtub today and he said "I'm serious", which totally cracked me up. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. "I'm serious" and "Seriously" are definitely words I use and abuse. * My job is going well I guess. I have hit the ground running with a back to school night MY FIRST DAY and it is a LOT coming at me all at once but I think I am really going to love it. It is a lot different than SF schools where I am used to working so there is some culture shock, but I think I am going to love it. I am so blessed to get a contract position four days before school starts. And my health insurance starts 9/1! Hurray! Oh and in case you haven't heard I am doing fulltime autistic support for kindergarten and first grade. * It's starting to feel like fall. Hurray! I survived the summer with no AC in my car! Maybe by the time it gets hot again I can afford to have it fixed. * I freakin love Amazon. I just ordered two books for 18 bucks shipped. Each one is 24 bucks in the teacher's store. It's totally the way to go. * I had a pedicure a few days ago and it was positively divine. My toes are a neon orange color and look quite nice if I do say so myself. * It is hard to get back into the swing of working again. I have been spoiled with such a nice work schedule this summer and so much time off. I seriously hit snooze for about 30 minutes straight this morning (although for the record, I was having a really nice dream that I didn't want to interupt). Isaac has been having a hard time too. Monday and Wednesday have been horrible drop offs at preschool. He has come up with a variety of amusing excuses though including the classic "I can't go to school, I'm sick" and the most creative "I can't go to school, school makes me farty". Hopefully we all get back into real life soon because the two of us thrive on routine. Anyways, that's all for now.

Engine Engine Number Nine, on the New York Transit Line

* Is there a way that this thing can tell you when you have new comments? Like on your dashboard or something? I still don't "get" blogger very well yet. * I totally have racoon tan lines from my week at the beach. Although, the plus side of the situation is, I actually got tan! I know it sounds bizarre but ever since I had Isaac I just don't tan anymore. Is that even possible that pregnancy could change something like that? Kind of like how I was a 6-6.5 shoe size before pregnancy and now I am more like a 7-7.5. I think it is partially because I don't have the time to lay around in the yard sunning myself like I did in high school. I tried tanning beds a few years ago, because I used to go to tanning salons and bake myself dark brown in college but still never really got any color. Then I ran out of money and my dad got skin cancer which made me reconsider tanning beds. I figured I was destined to be hideously pale from here on out, so it was a pleasant surprise that I actually got some color on the beach. * Isaac did great at the beach. He did get a little homesick for "the blue house" but overall I think he really enjoyed himself. It was a nice relaxing family vacation spent napping on the beach, biking around the island and watching the Olympics. I will post some pictures when I figure out where my dad's camera is. * We drove all the way back to Camden Saturday night for the Counting Crows concert. It was awesome, as expected. They toured with Maroon 5, who I have never been very interested in before, but they put on a great show and I thoroughly enjoyed watching the lead singer jump around in his tight pants and shirt. I will definitely check out some of their music now. We had pretty good seats, and we ended up next to this happy drunk John and his coworker Amanda. John was a hardcore Counting Crows fan as well. We ended up dancing and singing together. This guy was a chubby white guy in his early thirties who had no problems busting out ridiculous and entertaining dance moves. It was really fun. He played a lot of the crowd favorites (Mr. Jones, Murder of One) and kept the new album stuff to a minimum which I thought was a wise choice. He closed on Walkaways which I don't think I have ever heard live before. I think that is the 8th time I have seen Counting Crows. Summer's is not summer without a Counting Crows show. * I also drove back home on Monday, for a one o'clock job interview for an autistic support teacher in a local school district. The initial interview went very well. I had a follow-up interview today which I think went all right. I am not as confident now as I was leaving the first one. But I think I was as prepared as I could be, and I can only sit and wait with bated breath. School starts in like a week, so if I don't get this, it looks like I will be doing more subbing. So keep your fingers crossed for me cause I really want/need this job. * Isaac is still on the sibling kick. My mom thinks he will stick with it for a while. This morning he asked if his friend Aleah could come over. I said sure (it has been on my to-do list to arrange a playdate for them anyways). He responded "I need her to be my sister. I don't have any sisters". I feel bad for him, he is always alone. However, I don't think the chances of him having a sibling are that good period, but definitely not anytime soon. Well that's all for now.

mom...

"Mom-- can you bring me a brother? I don't have one." That was today's tough question. Poor kid is so lonely. In other news, we are relaxing at the beach this week and it is LOVELY.

tantrums -- this too shall pass???

"Usually by the time a child is three or so, tantrums are a thing of the past" -- popular parenting advice giver. Hahahahahaha. From my experience at least, the threes are more terrible than the twos. They are so much smarter and more capable and they know just how to press your buttons and they have perfect timing on when to pitch a fit. We have been tantrum city here lately. Isaac is such a strong will child and I am getting exhausted going toe to toe with him day after day. It could be anything that sends him into a grand mal tantrum. I say no to icecream for breakfast. I accidently flush the toilet when he wanted to. I serve him chicken (a normally highly preferred food) for dinner. Next thing you know he is down on the floor, kicking, thrashing, screaming until he is hoarse. Parenting books say to ignore him but he often grabs onto my legs or follows me around from room to room throwing himself at me, yet refusing any attempts to hold, soothe or comfort him. Target is a frequent location of his worst tantrums. I fully admit that I have reinforced tantrum behavior there by purchasing him toys and candy as a way to avoid public meltdowns. He recieves inconsisent messages from me (and other caregivers) and he definitely uses his tantrum behaviors as a weapon-- a means to an end. I have more than once left a cart full of groceries behind and hauled him off to the car. One time it erupted in the checkout line. I really needed whatever it was we were buying and I wanted to pay and get out. There was an old lady in front of me who was taking her sweet time paying and kept trying to talk to Isaac and me about the tantrum the whole time. "Well what is it he wants? Surely you could give since he is so sad". I attempted to ignore the woman and she finally left so I could pay and haul my screaming son out to the car. I manage to pay for my items, and I attempt to keep one hand on Isaac who is beet red and screaming bloody murder while juggling several heavy bags. We leave Target and he realizes he really isn't getting the toy and he kicks it up another notch. We are both sweaty and I am near tears myself. Well wouldn't you know our friend from the checkout line is parked right next to us and is continuing to stare at me, mouth agape. My plan was to trap Isaac in the car and then attempt to calm and quiet him, or if nothing else to strap him in and drive the 2 minutes home and then deal with him. Of course, he is still set on his toy and is fighting me tooth and nail to get into the carseat. Our elderly friend decides to intervene again. She approaches me. "Excuse me, what is it he wants? Little boy, what is it that has you so upset?" I ignore her and continue to try to stuff Isaac in the car. Please note, I have not spanked Isaac, yelled at him, or done anything in appropriate. I am simply trying to deal with him. "Please, what is it he wants? There must be something you could--" I spin around to look at her and Isaac uses this moment to make a break for it across the parking lot. I take off after him all the while I am screaming over my shoulder at this woman "PLEASE JUST MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!!!" Fortuneatly Isaac was intercepted by a woman who told me I was doing a good job and offered to put my bags in the car for me. So anyways, now if I ever see a mom dealing with a kid in public, I try to give her a sympathetic smile and I say a little prayer for her.