Sunday, May 8, 2011

????

Recieved this back today from someone on e-harmony. Not really sure what to make of it. Can you make heads or tails of it???

What do you most like to do on a day off? what i like to do n day oe thing like always when start me day or do after work day is going on a long walk. walking right by the steam that goes into little happy listioning to the water being lost in my own throughts. watching the brids as they fly trying to see each new on in a day. head out to movie or stay in for moive not. like send time with my family reading up a new page in my book and smiple just enjoy life and all that i can be thank full for

Are you doing what you love? If not, what would you rather be doing? while i love feeling of a hard days work. do what i can making better then when i started. to come home feel little tried yet not letting that stop me. just good smile on my face know i will head on a walk and all my pain will go away. as i can honestly say this frist time in long time that happy and feel good where i work a. as it also plays apart in doing what i love to do that is to draw

Describe the worst date you've ever been on. while worst date ever been on was on three way date with two sister me and my girl. reason why so bad older sister who was ride with lost the keys to car. as having hear he making out with guy talking about how she puts on a frist date so dam sick to know. call me and my girl her varigen babbies cant say things about them; suck outside in cold wait for my farther to come over to give us other keys so we can get the car home. as what made me so upset that day i had big dinner and all this other stuff planed for me and my girl that day this i can to chancel everything. just for the fact to make girl happy at the time to do this three way date thing neve doing that again

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Bring it to the table, bring what I am able

Firstly, in the spirit of fairness, I should feel like I should disclose that Isaac's dad DID show up yesterday after work. And I gave them some ideas on what to do to entertain themselves and then went upstairs and did my own thing, instead of lingering around trying to facilitate interactions. So that was good.

Secondly, what the heck is going on with Blogger? The spacing and formatting keys have been messed up for weeks now. Spell checker doesn't work. What the heck?! I'm getting tired of formatting everything myself with html. Get your act together Blogger!!!!

Anyways, onto what I really want to talk about. After watching The Human Experience, I was feeling really bummed. I was so inspired to, like, go to Calcutta and work amongst the impoverished. I was feeling rather discouraged because I'm not someone, like my sister, that gets called on to drop everything and go to places like North Carolina, and just get busy serving humanity where there is a huge need. I want to do something service oriented that feels really important.

Anyways, yesterday was the culmination of the a big food drive I helped organize at church for the North Coventry Food Bank. We met to load up everything and bring it all over to the pantry. There is a couple who is called to work with the YSAs and he is a night manager for Target. He arranged for Target to donate all of their damaged stuff from the month of April to the pantry. I expected a few ripped boxes of trash bags and maybe a couple of cases of toilet paper. He showed up with a *huge* truck load of diapers, paper towels, sandwich bags, laundry detergent, baby wipes, and cleaning supplies. This was in addition to the food that we had been able to collect from the congregation. We met the lady at the food pantry and unloaded it all.

I had spoken with her on a phone a few times to make arrangements but I didn't know where the pantry was. Turns out, it is less than 3 minutes away from where I live-- just a little storage room in the basement of the township building. She was so appreciative and sweet. She said that they never get significant donations this time of year and that she was overwhelmed by the amount that we had brought her.

Times are tough for everyone, and money is always tight for me. My budget is so tight that any unexpected expense feels like an emergency. But I have so much to be grateful for. I have never had a situation where I didn't have food to eat or put on the table for Isaac. I also have a supportive family who I know I could turn to if my financial situation ever became truly dire. It was very humbling to think that there are 90 families in my immediate area who depend on the foodbank to get by. The whole experience reminded me of a quote I heard once by C.S. Lewis. I tried to find it to share it exactly, but I can't find it. Anyways, it was essentially saying that one of the tricks of the devil is to let you think that you can only be effective if you are providing relief to people across the world, and thus you ignore the needs of people right under your own nose-- pretty much my exact attitude.

Not to toot my own horn here (too much) but I guess it was just a nice little affirmation. I may not be able to volunteer in an orphanage in Ghana like my sister, but I *can* do things that are important to people who live right around me. I organized an effort that filled up the food pantry that is right in my own backyard. That food might end up on the tables of kids in Isaac's class. Hopefully in the summer when my schedule open's up a bit more I can devote some more time to helping out there or at the Cluster of Religious Communities in Pottstown. It's so easy to get trapped in that self centered mindset of "me, me, me". I really want to make a concerted effort to try to focus on others' needs.

Anyways, that's all for now. Spring break is over and back to the grind of the school year. I just need to push on a little longer until June.

Monday, April 25, 2011

LOVED this

Last night I watched another documentary on Netflix, this one called "The Human Experience". It was a film about two brothers who had rough upbringings in New York City, who are trying to find the answers to life's fundamental questions "Who am I?" "Why am I here?" "Why is there suffering?" "What common threads of humanity link us together across cultures, race, and zip codes".

They spend a week in New York City in February living among the homeless. They spend time with the lost children in Peru (a segment I don't think any person could make it through without bawling) and then the film ends with them visiting a leper colony in Ghana. In between there is really uplifting and inspiring commentary by priests, rabbis, philosophers and humanitarians. The film also has plenty of happy joyful moments that provide a nice balance to all of the suffering that is shown.

The trailer kind of takes makes it look over the top cheesey, but it wasn't cheesey, it was so inspiring!

Definitely, definitely recommend.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

RANT

This is the perfect illustration of why me and Isaac's dad cannot communicate.

Last night Isaac's dad texted me (at 12:30 at NIGHT mind you) that he was going to come over for Easter. I told him okay but that I wouldn't hold my breath he would actually show up. He got all huffy like "I hate when you say that." Today I text him to find out if he is still planning on coming. He responds, yes he will be there at 4. I let him know that won't work, that my mom is serving dinner at 4 (an hour away). I let him know we will be home at 7 and he responds "Okay."

.............................................

What would your interpretation of that conversation mean?

Cause I interpreted it to mean "Okay, I will come at 7." And I rushed us out of my parents house to get us home in time, and spent the whole car ride trying to brainstorm things Isaac and his dad could do, (amidst protests from Isaac that "my dad and I don't really play together. I just play by myself at his house."). It's always rather awkward when he comes over unless we are going to a soccer game or something. He generally just sits there flipping through his phone while I try to force them to engage in activities together.

We arrive home at 10 of 7.

7:10 I start to get annoyed but give him the benefit of the doubt because it is raining cats and dogs.

7:20 I call. Sends me to voicemail. I text him "Are you almost here?". He responds "No, it's too late." At this point I am LIVID and I just start calling him repeatedly. I HATE when someone won't pick up the phone but then texts you back. MAN UP. Answer the phone.

Finally he answers and says he never said he was coming. We rehash the whole thing and I am loathe to admit that he is technically right. He will come now if I want but it will be pushing nine when he gets here and what will be the point of that? The conversation ended with him claiming he is coming tomorrow. I'm not holding my breath and I told him this which he doesn't understand. (Hello, in the past month ALONE you are 0/2 on showing up for anything besides your regular visitation!!!)... When he is little he didn't understand but Isaac is to the age where he realizes "Hey, Daddy said he was coming and then he didn't show up." And I go into insane momma bear mode because I want to shield Isaac from any hurt but the worst part is Isaac doesn't even feel hurt. Confused maybe, but mostly indifferent. Which is almost worse. I feel like this is the kind of stuff is going to relating to a shrink when he is 20. His dad wants to have talks about the distance he feels culturally from Isaac because Isaac has my last name (which, according to him, is akin to blasphemy in his culture). HOW ABOUT THE DISTANCE YOU CREATE BY PUTTING YOUR KID LAST ALL THE TIME??? Behind the third cousins who all of a sudden needs him? Behind the high price of gas? Behind the last minute trips to NYC? And why can hebe so attentive and caring with horrible, violent kids at his work and so withdrawn from his own child?

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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