two worlds

This weekend I spent a good deal of time out in the Lancaster area with my mom. We had a nice day going from thrift store to thrift store looking for treasure amongst the trash. Partway through our day we stopped at Isaac's, a restaurant (not to be confused with Isaac, my offspring), to grab some lunch. As we were getting out of the car, I observed a man, a woman and a child in the parking lot. I don't think most people would have taken any notice, but I immediately recognized the weekend child swap. The two cars parked next to each other but with an empty spot between them for breathing room. The man was standing in this divide awkwardly hugging and conversing with his daughter, who was maybe seven or eight. The woman had the door open and was busy rummaging around the backseat of her car, arranging bags or reinstalling a carseat. I only saw them for a moment, I didn't have a chance to see how well the girl was able to jump from daddy's world to mommy's world. I wish I did. I want some reassurance that it will somehow get easier. I am very interested to hear of any other takes on this. Isaac has at least four of these transitions a month (he spends every other weekend with his dad) for almost the past four years. When we lived closer together, he would spend time every weekend with his dad, and for a brief period, even some weekday evenings. There have been some times when it was easy, especially when Isaac was a toddler/preschooler. A seamless transition from me to him with him rushing off into his dad's apartment to find his toys, tossing a "Bye mom!" over his shoulder as he ran off. But usually it is not. More along the lines his dad having to hold him back as I left and me hearing his cries even out to the parking lot as I got in my car to pull away. Isaac's dad M. is certainly not a "Disneyland Daddy". Sometimes I think that is almost part of the problem. I think Isaac enjoys the time he spends with his father, but I don't think he especially looks forward to it. Generally I start to remind Isaac on the Monday before that this will be his weekend with Daddy. Usually at some point during the week, he will express that he doesn't want to go to his dad's, he wants to stay here with me. I try to reassure him, but it's hard. The Thursday before he goes, we pack his suitcase and I try to get him to think of things he might want to take along to do, or to show his dad. Generally, he isn't too interested. Friday morning I remind him again that I will pick him from school and we will be going to Daddy's house. When I pick him from school and suddenly he is in that "in between" transitional space and he doesn't do well there. He is almost always upset because I pick him up much earlier than other days and his play time at the Y is disrupted. He will usually start to cry and tantrum as we get in the car, often refusing to put on his seatbelt and screaming that he doesn't want to go or that he hates me. It gets worse when we approach the four way stop by his school and I go straight and not left towards home and he knows it's for real. The good news is that it takes about 25 minutes to get to the Walgreen's near M's work, which is the halfway point and the site of our "exchange". By the time we get there, Isaac is resigned to his fate and will usually get into his dad's car calmly, if not somewhat woodenly. I always remind him before he gets out of my car to say hello to his dad, but most often he won't. He just silently hops into his carseat and lets me kiss him goodbye. When we meet up again in the same spot on Sunday he doesn't generally say good-bye to his dad without prompting and usually he starts on me before we even gets into my car. Take today for example. He gets out of his dad's car and tells me he is thirsty and wants to go into Walgreen's to buy a drink. This is a routine. I will often let him go in and choose a snack or candy or special treat from the store before we head home. In my head, I am helping him with the transition and probably, on some level, trying to prove that I am the fun parent who says "yes" while daddy is the parent who has undoubtedly told him "no" as they sat there waiting for me. (Side note-- his dad is almost always at our swap spot at least fifteen minutes early for no apparent reason. This often results in Isaac perceiving that I am late to get him, when in reality I am right on time. No amount of explaining will convince him otherwise. Drives me crazy). Anyways, today I said no. My budget is tight, and I am trying to cut silly little shopping trips like this out. Isaac became enraged and kicks my car door twice and refuses to get in the car. We are in a stand off, which his dad glances at passively as he pulls away. Finally Isaac gets in the car but refuses to put on his seatbelt, so I have to do it for him. The whole way home, he alternates between screaming/crying ("I'm thirsty!!!"), curling up in a ball with his head on his knees and giving me the silent treatment (such as when I finally pull into a McDonald's drive through to get him a drink and then he refuses to answer me when I ask him what he wants), and giving me snotty, venom filled replies that I would expect to be hurled at me from the lips of a greasy haired teenager, not my precious almost six year old. This goes on for the next 20 minutes or so. He is angry that I won't stop at Target for a toy. Then he has to the bathroom. When I pull over at a Wegman's to let him go, he angrily tells me that this is not a grocery store. He also is furious that I am calling him Isaac, which he now declares is "not his name". I try to joke with him to break him out of his mood but he won't engage. (I know better than to inquire about how his weekend was, or ask what he did at daddy's. He never wants to discuss it in the car or in response to my questioning. Sometimes, he will share with me later on his own terms). When we get into the grocery store, not the place we usually shop and which he has never set foot in, he insists he knows where the bathrooms are and refuses to follow me. On the way to the bathroom he looks up at me disdainfully and says "I have an idea mom. Can you do me a favor and just not talk to me for a while? Yeahthanks." I gritted my teeth, resisting the impulse to slap him, and said "No problem." He then declared he was going into the men's room so that he wouldn't have to be with me anymore. The Wegman's we stopped at is huge. It has a big restaurant inside it, a kids area with a TV and an enormous shopping area with little stands and people offering samples. The ceiling has an enormous train track with a locomotive circling the dairy section. When he emerged from the bathroom and back into the hustle and bustle of the store, he softened somewhat, reached up and took my hand, and said "Mommy, could we stay here for a little bit? Could we shop or get something to eat?" It was like someone had turned a switch and he was suddenly back to my charming little boy again. We wandered around for a bit, people watching, laughing and joking. When we got back into the car, unprompted he shared with me that he had wet himself that morning at his dad's, because it was dark when he woke up and he was too afraid to go by himself down the dark hallway to the bathroom. We talked about how next time I would send along a flashlight to keep there, so that wouldn't happen again. His dad never shares much about their weekends together. He is a man of few words. I don't know if he gets any backlash during the transit between parental worlds, or if I bare the brunt of naughty behavior. I know it must be terribly overwhelming for a five year old to transition back and forth and all of this acting out is his way dealing with his feelings. But there has to be an easier way?? In an ideal world we would meet at a park and Isaac would play for a while before one of us said good-bye, seamlessly transitioning Isaac from one parent to the other. Or his dad would pick him up from school, eliminating me from the entire equation. But that's just not possible. The Walgreen's car switch is pretty much how it needs to be. Anyone out there have any tips or tricks? Brilliant insights? I want to be the caring mom helping transition, but I also don't want to be pushover, throwing treats at him and tolerating his ridiculous behavior.

ugh

Did this this morning. The girl is annoying perky but for only ten minutes it was a heck of a workout.

We had a snow day today but Isaac miraculously had school. His district cancels for anything and earlier in the week I had to take him along to work with me when they cancelled and I still had school. Anyways today, I sent him to school, went grocery shopping (a finally remembered to bring all my clipped coupons! I saved a ton), got my eyebrows waxed, etc. I squeezed in a gym trip too which I don't usually get to on Fridays. I ran nearly two miles, which is the furthest I have since I abandoned running this summer and felt incredible. Excercise is the ultimate energy booster. It was a good day. I had a dream about summer dating guy the other night. We were with a group of friends in Phoenixville trying to walk to a venue to see a concert. Except that as we were walking and hurrying we lost our group somehow. Then suddenly we were on rollerblades skating along towards the venue. Then he stopped to play guitars with a homeless person and said he would catch up with me in a minute. I went to venue and saved him a seat and he never came. I don't think you have to be Freud to read between the lines there. ANYWAYS... I don't know if you have heard about this, but here's reason number 309203844 to hate hope that lighting strikes dislike Glenn Beck. I know there is a following of people who subscribe everything he says, but let me assure you people are not being shot or stabbed regularly in Old City. It's a very safe area. It's where the Real World house was, for crying out loud. MTV would not put the Real World kids in the ghetto. Philly doesn't suck Glenn Beck. *YOU* suck. Anyways, despite a productive day, it's been an unproductive evening. I am just chilling at home on a payday Friday night. Isaac is at his dad's house and I am home and bored, laying on a freshly changed flannel sheets and listening to Aimee Mann. I got in touch with exactly five different people to see if anyone wanted to join me for a movie but sometimes it just doesn't work out. I am not opposed to going to the theater alone, but tonight I just didn't feel like it. I debated retail therapy to lift my spirts and even paid my old boyfriend TJ MAXX a visit (although I frequently cheat on him with my other lovers - Ross and Marshall). I oogled some sparkly platform shoes:

and a fushia peacoat but ultimately left empty handed.

Anyways, my house is a big cluttery mess but I am just sitting wasting time reading and screwing around on the computer. I did take the time to go through my blog reader though and pair down my subscriptions to 84 blogs. That is reducing virtual clutter at least.

Tomorrow I have plans to get lunch with my mom and do some thrift store shopping. Hopefully I will have some good loot to show off after that trip. I really miss Isaac. I look forward to my weekends "off" but it is always sad to have him gone and always good to have him back home.

Anyways, now I'm just rambling. Have a lovely weekend all!

Finally

A Will.i.am song I can get behind. My friend Mandy posted this in honor of her little boy. It might become my new themesong. Positive self-talk is important for everyone, old and young!

Music for a Monday

This is making the rounds on the interwebs. I figured I would share it here if you haven't seen it. It's pretty much the most adorable thing ever. I love when she goes "Someday I'm going to whistle?"

Saturday update

I just used this tutorial to make my new blog header. I know it looks pretty basic, but not too bad for my first try I think. New year, new look. I think it captures the basic elements of my lack of domesticity. Except I couldn't come up with an image that represents "perpetually single". =P I'm up ridiculously early for a Saturday. Isaac came in before seven o'clock. I love how during the week I have to drag him out of bed at that time to get ready for school but on Saturdays he is bright eyed and bushy tailed, climbing into bed with me. I kept laying there with my eyes closed, determined to drift back off, but my neighbor's car alarm was going off repeatedly. At about seven o'clock I gave up officially. My dad should be coming over today. I got curtains for my living room way back in November for my birthday and they have been sitting in a box in my kitchen ever since. My mom is in California visiting her sister so I managed to convinced my dad to make the drive from the Lanc to come and put them up and hang out for a while. I think it would go a long way to making my house look more cozy and homelike. After living here nearly two years, I have hardly any curtains up anywhere. I've almost knocked out Something Blue by Emily Griffin which will bring my total of books read since Christmas to 3. Some of my friends/co-workers are forming a book club, so I need to pick up the book and get working on that. I love discussing books with other people, but I haven't had a forum to do that since college. I hope everyone takes it as seriously as I plan to. The book is Sarah's Key. Anyone ever read it? I can't remember the author offhand. As much as I love my fluffy chick lit, I think I am ready to shift gears into something more meaningful. Anyways, I should clean my house before my dad gets here so he doesn't faint when he sees the state of my bathroom. I'm also trying to squeeze in a trip to the gym this morning. We made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies last night and I need to do something to try to counterbalance the five or six I have eaten since then. Plus, I am (very slowly) getting back into the groove of running again, and I am sort of looking forward to getting on the treadmill and pushing myself more. Hope your Saturday is fabulous!!

Emily Griffin

My girlfriend Jami just gave me a whole stack of Emily Griffin books.

I just finished:

Now onto: It's light, fluffy, easy chick lit, which seems to be what I am in the mood for right now. What are you reading?