"Besties with testes..."

Pretty accurate, no?

50 random thoughts

1. I made enchildas and spicy rice for dinner.
2. It's rare that I cook on a school night.
3. However, today I took a sick day to get my teeth cleaned.
4. And to take Isaac to kindergarten orientation.
5. My mom had dressed him adorably in a light blue polo shirt and his red crocs.
6. He was so nervous.
7. He did seperate from me and go with his class.
8. I had to sit through a very boring presentation on kindergarten.
9. It was a mix of explaining kindergarten activities (yeah very familiar with those), and convincing us full day kindergarten is better than half day (very controversial in the district, but A-ok with me)
10. Isaac left very excited to start kindergarten.
11. He said his favorite part was doing "hallway hugs" and walking quietly to the classroom.
12. Not sure why this was more fun than riding the bus, hearing a story and playing and coloring in the kindergarten room, but whatever.
13. Of course, I forgot the camera.
14. But I WILL remember to send it with my mom for the first real day.
15. Whatdaya think of the new blog layout?
16. The header is a little craptastic but it will do.
17. I finished Anne of Green Gables today.
18. I started Anne of Avonlea immediately after.
19. They are such wonderful books.
20. Next I am going to Netflix the old PBS specials of them.
21. Or rather, ask my mom to Netflix them for me.
22. Obviously something like Nextflix would not be in the new and improved budget.
23. Isaac hurt himself in the bathtub tonight doing push-ups.
24. When questioned why, he answered "Because they make you healthy and strong".
25. True.
26. But who's kid is this anyways?
27. Clearly not mine
28. Or his dad's for that matter.
29. (just saying)
30. I feel like I have a terrible headcold.
31. But my eyes are itchy so it must be allergies.
32. Or I could possible have pink eye AND a head cold.
33. In which case, I definitely should NOT return to work tomorrow.
34. It was so lovely to sleep in today.
35. I'm giving Margie Clark an Undomestic Goddess shoutout.
36. She's a stealth reader apparently.
37. I really like my new dentist.
38. He and his wife have a practice together which I think is so cute.
39. I really can't wait for summer vacation.
40. I'm mentally SPENT.
41. I have some students this year who are real pickles and I think we would all enjoy a break from each other.
42. I also have some adults I could use six weeks break from.
43. Things can get tense in a non-air conditioned elementary school.
44. Especially when you add 26 five years olds to the mix.
45. This will be the first year though that I will be giving up students to other teachers in the building. Last year I kept them all and the ones I didn't keep all ended up leaving the school for various reasons.
46. It will be a little sad to see some of my guys as SECOND graders next year.
47. But whatever, life goes on.
48. I sucked up one of Isaac's toy cars in the vacuum.
49. I cannot find it in the hose or anywhere in the vacuum though.
50. The vacuum is still working at about 50% capacity though, so who knows.

"If you can't love yourself, how in the HELL you gonna love somebody else?" - Rupaul

Truer words were never spoken.

ick

(not actually me) =P

So I am an avid watcher of Intervention. When an addict's family is trying to help their loved one get into treatment, the counselor generally tells them that the addict must hit rock bottom. He then works with the family to set firm boundaries that can help speed along the process of the addict hitting a "bottom".

Well, I have been really, really struggling with my finances and budgeting and this weekend I sort of hit a bottom.

Not rock bottom, I'm not filing bankruptcy or losing my home or anything.

But I did hit sort of a bottom.

I ran home to my parents house in Lancaster to have a good cry with my folks and to sort through a huge stack of bills and try to get things in order. It was much easier to have someone help me deal with each sheet of paper and make a budget. Aside from the nuts of bolts of working in excel and crunching numbers we also had a pretty good talk about my life and the patterns it seems to follow.

Realities:

• A tactic I use often in my life is avoidance. I will physically avoid my problems (for example, not going to the mailbox, or not opening my bills) or just avoid thinking about them or dealing with them.
• Refusing to deal with my problems doesn't help me actually avoid the stress. It still manifests itself physically in the form of crippling headaches, upset stomachs and skin rashes. So best to just deal with things and ask for help.
• I am still trying to live the lifestyle that I lived when I lived at home with my parents/the lifestyle that my childless mortgage-less friends live. This cannot continue. I need to get into frugal mom mode ASAP.
• Along the same lines, I must learn to say no to other people, to Isaac and to myself. I do not have to take Isaac to every birthday party he is invited to. I do not have to buy candy/flowers/sandwich coupons to support my coworkers kid's fundraisers every time they ask. I do not have to attend every jewelry, candle, Tastefully Simple or retirement party for my coworkers. I do not have to attend every school function. I can't go out to eat with my girlfriends whenever they ask. When I'm hungry I need to go home and eat leftovers instead of going to Wawa. I can no longer kill an hour wandering around Target and tossing whatever catches my eye into the cart. I can't buy tickets for every concert or play that I would like. I simply cannot afford it. This one is really hard for me. I am not one of those mom's that revels in clipping coupons and going a year without a haircut. But it's time to get serious about cutting back.
• I'm not going to elaborate much on this one but you know that old expression "For every finger you point and someone else, there are three more pointing right back at you?" I think there is truth to qualities that I despise in others are the ones I might recognize within myself. It tough to deal with.

Then I had a lovely sleep in the pink spare room and went to church with them in the morning. I picked Isaac up from his dad's and brought him back there and we stayed for dinner and played outside. It was a lovely little retreat. Coming home this evening I feel better able to face things and I have some action items on my to do list that can help me move forward rather than just be stuck in a mire of anxiety and fear. So to recap, I have the best family in the world, I'm facing and dealing with my problems, and I can't go to the movies for the next three years at least. How was your weekend?

heavy things

"For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time... deliverance [will come] from another place....Who knoweth whether thou art come... for such a time as this?" --Esther 4:14

I was reminded of that verse last weekend at Time Out for Women in the 'burgh.

It reminds me of a current work situation. Remember this post?

Well they posted a recent update that she failed to show up to court and is now considered a fugitive. I take a little comfort in that, knowing that it will keep the kids out of her care for longer.

I am in the midst of another horribly sad situation at my school along the same lines (abuse/neglect) which brought this scripture to mind again. That is definitely the hardest part of my job. I don't want to post about particulars, but the day that I came to a full understanding of what home life looks like for one of my little defenseless kindergartners. I literally became physically ill and could barely move off my mom's couch for the evening. I'm a really sensitive person and that aspect of my job isn't something that I have gotten any better at coping with. More than once I have had to ask for the person to stop providing me with the details if there is nothing that is going to change for them. I just cannot handle it.

Anyways, CPS were only called for the first kid because of the persistance in me and my assistants in documenting signs of neglect. We are in a similar pattern with the current situation. This student's caregiver stormed into the school and was very upset about our reports. I guess she is feeling the heat finally. My principal explained that we are mandated reporters and that we will continue to report things. It is up to the authorities to make the decisions and judgements about what we report to them.

I don't think I could rest at night if I knew I wasn't doing everything in my power to to ensure the safety and well being of each of my students. The things you see/hear about just break your heart.

As the verse says, I can be quiet and deliverance may come from another place but with such a transient population and so many kids off and on my caseload, who's to say our paths didn't briefly cross for this exact purpose? Especially with this particular situation, I really feel like God prepared me and softened my heart (and other people as well) to be more aware of things that had been overlooked previously.

I feel like I am not being terribly eloquent. I hope you got where I am going with this. It's something I sort of wanted to process and get out.

Resolution Report

Here's the list of 2010 Resolutions and progress made:

• Ride my bike to work at least once Definitely possible in terms of distance but I don't know if it is feasible in terms of not dying. The roads I would have to take don't have shoulders and are very busy. Plus I would have to cross a narrow bridge and the sidewalk part of it is closed. AND people in Pottstown just are not used to dealing with bikers on the road. It's not off the table though if I got up really early.
• Organize office, craft, sewing and scrapbook supplies and start using the office as a functional craft space In progress. The closet still looks like a bomb hit it. But I did unpack the sewing machine and make very small inroads on the organization front.
• Finish painting the rest of the house The living room is now painted. This only leaves the hallways, my bedroom, and the powder which is painted but that I already want to repaint. So I am making progress on this one.
• Make a loaf of bread from scratch
• Go one week without the internet I'm counting it. --->Completed 1/15
• Take at least one mural tour in Philly I couldn't do this one until spring (they don't give the tours in the winter). Now my Saturdays are filled with soccer. But I am going to at least get it on the calendar soon. Anyone want to join me??
• Fly a kite Isaac and I busted the kite out the other day for fun and discovered the dowel that goes across the width of the kite is missing. I will have to try to fashion a replacement. That was sad.
• Scrapbook 3 pages a month EPIC FAIL. Haven't done a single page this year. Probably because all my supplies are such an unorganized mess (see previous unfinished resolution).
• Work out twice a week Yeah... ummm... I haven't hit this every time.
• Start composting I did a bit of research on this and talked to my gf who composts and lives in an apartment and she gave me some good tips. But I have yet to actually do anything to start.
• Take Isaac camping
• Drink 8 glasses of water a day Very hit or miss. If I remember to bring my water bottle into school I do better. Otherwise it will be like, 8 at night and I will be like, "Why the heck am I so parched?" and then I will realize I have drank, like 2 glasses of water all day.
• Take a class on something hobby related Not yet, unless you count me going with my friend Jami to her adult gymnastics class. My composted girlfriend did invite me to an urban bee keeping class but I couldn't make it. Not sure that is the hobby I want to tackle right now anyways. So, this one is still incomplete.
• Make progress towards getting my elementary certification (right now I am highly qualified in elementary ed, but it is more desirable to be dually certified) No and I MUST do something to get rolling on this over the summer.
• Floss daily Another total and complete FAIL. I have yet to floss in 2010. I know, it's terrible. I have a dentist appointment in a week and I fully expect to be reamed out and lectured about gum disease.
• Read three books before I head to the beach I am about 1/2 way through Anne of Green Gables (reread) and halfway through The Total Money Makeover. I can only read that one in small bursts, because while it is very inspirational, it makes me feel terrible about the state of my finances.
• Eat more homemade meals and less frozen stuff and fast food Slight improvement but still a long, long, long way to go.
• Grow something edible and eat it I had a basil plant growing on my window sill for this exact purpose but the cats ATE it. So back to the drawing board on this one.
• Write a blog post when each of these is completed will do...

How are you doing with your resolutions?

Not Me Monday...

Did NOT go out with girlfriends last Saturday for a cheap evening out on the town, at a coffee shop in Wayne. I did NOT decide to go ahead and make a left hand turn because I was in a hurry and there was clearly no traffic coming, despite about three signs informing me lefts were not allowed. I'm a very careful driver who always obeys all traffic laws and posted signs. I did NOT promptly see lights in the rear view and get issued a ticket. While sitting there waiting and waiting for my ticket I did not start to panic at the amount of time it was taking for him to write it up. I have NOT had so many tickets that I would have an understanding of the average amount of time it should take to issue a ticket for a simple traffic violation. I did NOT start wracking my brain for other things he could potentially be arresting me for (am I up to date on my property taxes??) The officer did NOT issue me a second ticket for having an expired registration. My registration did NOT expire in January. It is NOT currently the end of April. (whoops) The "cheap" night out with girlfriends did NOT end up costing me over two hundred dollars in tickets.