Why do I even bother?

Well I decided Isaac and I would check out our new ward (church congregation) today. It was a disaster from start to finish. And finish was only about 2/3 of the way through sacrament meeting when I hauled him out of the chapel by his upper arm, drug him out to the front lawn, where I completely lost my patience and screamed at him and shook him and threw him in the car. Fabulous first impression. The intolerably obnoxious preschooler who spent literally the whole entire sacrament meeting going "I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant to go hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooome. I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurch" and the insanely violent mother.

Saturday

Yesterday I did my pre-settlement walk through where the project manager showed me every valve, switch, button, pipe and hose and how to work every appliance. Kind of overwhelming. I hope I remember it all! He also gave me a big binder with every warranty, and a video to watch about how to care for my cabinets. I am sure it will be very riveting. Confirmed that everything was finally reading for settlement Thursday. Today Bought my furniture. It comes with an upholstery shield plan where they will come back and clean any stains from foods or beverages for a lifetime. Should be useful! Set up the moving truck. E-mailed muscly friends and family members to enlist them for moving. Things are coming together which is good. I just wish school would hurry up and get out. It would be so much easier to tend to all of these details if I wasn't so consumed with work stuff. How are things going for all of you?

Books

Isaac is currently rubbing lotion onto my feet. Does life get better than this? I don't think so. I have been doing some reading lately which has been awesome. I have neglected reading for pleasure for so long that it has been so refreshing to pick up a book again. A Girl Named Zippy - 3/5 stars An autobiography done in different snapshots. It was okay. The scattered tone and mixed up time line got tiresome after a bit. It was a quick and humorous read though. Breaking Dawn 2/5 Stars Ugh, where to start. Okay, well I will start out by admitting that I read this book in less than five days. I read over 200 pages in 36 hours. It is like a train wreck, you want to look away, but you can't. You can't put the book down. My critiques of this book are the same that I have had for the whole series. Bella is a piss poor role model for young girls; she continues to be written as annoyingly weak and helpless. She does grow a bit of a spine and make important decisions without Edward (and even keeps a secret from him- *gasp*). She starts off the book by deciding not to go to college and getting married. By the time her honeymoon is over she is knocked up with a half vampire baby. Her whole life continues to center around Edward who finally changes her to be a vampire. I will admit, that Edward was less annoying in this book, and definitely did not display as many signature characteristics of an abusive, controlling boyfriend as he did in the first book. This book features about 100 more vampires, all with special characteristics that you have to try to keep straight and waaaaaay too much info about the sex life of vampires. Anyways, if you are in the mood for a light, fluffy, not terribly well written read, I recommend the Twilight Series. Next on my reading list: Water for Elephants. Anyone else have any recommendations? I want to read at least ten books this summer.

Pride

So I added some music.

But don't worry, it won't make it play unless you want it to.

Disclaimer (lest I be called out for being a hypocrite): this album is the ONLY exception to my strict no country policy. It is an awesome record and there is a great documentary called Shut Up and Sing about how they wrote it the whole thing.

It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself

Guess I could have made it easier on myself

But I, I could never follow

No I, I could never follow

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else

Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down

If you ever want to find me I can still be found

Taking the long way

I have definitely chosen the long way around in so many aspects of my life. The song talks about how her high school friends are married and moved into houses but she could never follow. My own stubborness, pride, rebelliousness and desire to go against the grain have led me on a different path than pretty much everyone I grew up with. Most of my (church) friends from high school moved out west, met their soulmates, and are married and have a mini-van full of kids. I left for college and went through some terribly rebellious years with everything culminating in my pregnancy. The path since then has not always been easy. I wonder why I can't be more humble and submissive and open to people who are trying to help me to a better way. I guess the hopeful part is that I am "getting it back on the road somehow" even if I have chosen a longer way....

Anyways, that's all.

To A Child Love is Spelled TIME

I found this book amongst my mom's stuff. I don't know where it came from. But I picked it up. It's a collection of quotes and short stories about what yoru children really need from you. Some of it hit really close to home. I realized that during the week I leave for work before Isaac wakes up. I come home at 4:30, by 7:30 I put Isaac in bed and 8:00 is light's out. That does not give us very much time together and I certainly crowd out that precious time too often with unimportant things. I need to do better. Here were some my favorite quotes from the book:

"Our greatest danger in life is permit urgent things to crowd out the important" - Charles E Hummel

"Things that matter the most must never be at the mercy of things that matter the least" -- Goethe

"You will never find the time to spend with your children. You have to make time and plan for it. There is no other possible way. Time is the raw material of your relationship with your child and must be guarded at all costs. It's true what they say: a bucket with a hole in it gets just as empty as a bucket that is deliberately kicked over. Life will shout a thousand demands to take you away from time spent with your child. If you permit the urgent to rule, you will use time you can never recover or catch with your hand. What happens in the changing life of a child will never be repeated. All the gold in the world cannot buy back either the delights of the day or the big pleasures that happen without announcement or plan. You simply have to be there" - p. 22

"Enjoy your children, delight in them, and they will take pleasure in you. You'll never find a hand that feels so good as your child's. Nothing in this creation compares to cuddling and snuggling with your little one. Have you searched the fathoms of the mystery in your child's eyes? Have you listened to your child's prayers and cried out to God for such a simple faith? Do you delight in holding your precious one in the night, even till morning's light? If you miss the joy of being a parent, your child will miss the fulness of your love."

Also

My mother is having some pretty serious health concerns. Your thoughts and prayers for her would be much appreciated. She will probably be having a pretty major surgery coming up and it is pretty terrifying to even let myself begin to ponder the ramifications of that. It is weird when you realize that your loved ones are not invincible...

Happies and Crappies Weekend Edition

Happies

• I bought this fridge today:

It will be delivered the day after I settle. I had a 10% coupon so that helped. Now I just

need a couch of some sort and I will be all set as far as major purchases.

• I've also checked a few more big things off the list, like setting up my utilities and cable and phone in my name and purchasing home owner's insurance.

• I have listened to The Fray's I'll Look After You about 100 times today. They are rising higher and higher in the ranks of Bands I Love.
• We had an inservice day on Friday. The inservice in itself was sort of boring but it was lovely to just sit and listen and not have to run around after any kids. And wear a dress even. A dress would never fly on a typical school day. This week we have two field days (a special ed one and a regular ed one) and then the following Monday off of school. It's almost summer!!!

• I know this is a little late, but I also had a completely lovely mother's day. It really is one of my favorite days of the year. Isaac made me a really cute mug at school and he was so proud to give it to me. He **coughcoughGrandmacoughcough** also got me a rice cooker which is something I really wanted for the new place, so that was a total surprise. Being a mom is the best job in the world and I think it is so appropriate to have a day to reflect on what a wonderful calling it is. Where would the world be without mothers?

Crappies

• Isaac fell asleep for no more than 8 minutes in the car on the way home from his dad's. Now he won't go to sleep though. It's ten thirty and he has come out of his room approximately 582 times since I put him down.

• I put off applying for summer jobs (I know I need one but I really don't want to) and now the ones I wanted are all filled. I still think I can get one, but it will probably be in Pottstown. I was looking forward to a change. But, looking on the bright side, Pottstown ESY only runs Mon-Thurs, and every Friday off would be a major perk.

• Isaac's dad wants to take him to Florida for five days to visit his aunt this July. I have agreed but I am incredibly nervous. A few years ago I left Isaac with my mom and went to visit my aunt in San Diego for I think four days. That is the longest we have been apart. I think I will probably sit home and cry the whole time he is gone. IT's a whole swirl of emotions. A part of me is excited because his dad is so judgmental about my parenting skills yet he has never been with Isaac for than about 26 hours at a time. He might hum a different tune after a week straight with him with no breaks. Another part of me is petrified that he won't really take Isaac to Florida, that he will take him out of the country and over to Africa and I will never see him again. I know this is not likely, but it still concerns me. A third part of me is disappointed because I was planning a Disney World trip with Isaac next summer and I feel like he is sort of stealing my thunder. Meh.
• The mortgage company people want me to send them a copy of Isaac's birth certificate as proof of his age to verify that child support will continue for a while. The problem is one whole side of our two car garage is filled with packed up boxes and his birth certificate is one of them. No idea where. I did pull out about 5 boxes that were close to perifery and go through them. Ironically, I came across my father's birth certificate but no sign of Isaac's. So far, I have only two somewhat official documents that verify his age. One is a form from my child custody paperwork. His age is just written in in pen but it does have a court stamp and stuff on it. The other one (and this is really bad) is a letter from when he had to go to a urologist at Children's Hospital which references his full birthday. It also has a lot of medical information about what is going on with Isaac's junk and isn't exactly something I want to submit to my mortgage company. Ugh... I really hope this doesn't keep me from getting a mortgage. I am kind of nauseous thinking about it. I have a feeling I will end up paying, like hundreds of dollars to have his birth certificate overnighted or something.
• Lastly, I was trying to download some music onto my work laptop and ending up downloading another virus and now nothing on my computer will work. This will be the third time this year I have downloaded a virus. I am sure the computer tech people at my work must think I am a secret porn addict or something. This is less than a week after I lost my phone, and then bought a new one, and then found my old one.... Me and technology clearly do not mix. At all.

Have a lovely weekend!!